


Empty Promises

by So_Ginelle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And it's a KrTsks too, Blame her for all of this, But this really is kind of her fault, Divorce, Divorcing Parents, Family, Family Feels, Heartbreak, I am so sorry, I decided to change the rating due to the fact that I mentioned incest, I don’t think anything can get worse than that fic, If she hadn't sent me the post, Incest, I’m just struggling, Just a teaser but also a warning, Kuroo's backstory, Kuroo's mom leaves, Kuroo-centric, KurooTsukki - Freeform, M/M, More will happen in the end, Not really because I didn't have to take it this far, OH LORD, This is based off of a post sent to me by Dakato., This story goes through how he grows up and how his mother still haunts him, Wow this was a really bad tagging, all the damned feels, but it still hurts so bad, centered around Kuroo, don’t mind me, krtsk, kuroo suffers so much, non canon backstory, not worse than The Space Between Us, possible incest, semi-canon, the poor boy just suffers through the whole thing, this isn’t as bad as some of my others, worse than I Didn’t Plan It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2019-08-06 08:44:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 55,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16384919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/So_Ginelle/pseuds/So_Ginelle
Summary: My darling, dearest Tetsu,I just want to tell you that I love you so very much. I was going to tell you this before now, but I didn't want to bother you. I saw you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you. Baby, I just want you to know that this isn't your fault. None of this is your fault and none of this would have happened without my own mistakes. So please, do not blame yourself over this. I just made a very bad mistake and I told your dad. I don't blame him for not forgiving me for my mistake, just so you know. But he did ask me to leave, and I just want you both to be happy when I go. Please, don't blame your dad for me leaving, because this was all my fault, baby. That's why I have to go on my own. I will miss you so very much and I will want you to be here, but I just can't take you away from your dad like this. It would be too selfish of me if I took you away from your dad after what I did, so I have to leave on my own.Remember that I love you more than anything. I will see you again and I promise to visit or have you come to visit me. I will see you for your first day of school in a couple of weeks, for sure.Love, always,Mama xx





	1. I Have Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Oh lord. Okay. So, first off, I am very new to the KurooTsukki ship and I have been having so many feels about them lately. It's been rough. Well, when my lovely friend [Dakato ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dakato/pseuds/dakato) sent me [this lovely tumblr post](http://reina-pon.tumblr.com/post/178192860007/in-chapter-318-it-was-revealed-that-kuroo-only) and I screamed about it for hours, the idea slowly started to form. Then I heard the song River of Tears by Alessia Cara, and I lost it. I was over the moon with my idea and this whole thing formed. So really, if you have any type of feels, blame them on Dakato, because she's the one that gave me the post that formed this idea. Again, I really didn't have to take it as far as this, but... I still like to blame her.
> 
> This was super fucking sad to write. Kuroo hurting so much is not something I enjoy, but my feels took me this way. River of Tears by Alessia Cara really fits this fic well, but so does I Have Questions by Camila Cabello and then Good Enough by Little Mix. They all fit really well. It will in the later chapters. I haven't completely formed out the map for this entirely, but I know how I want it to end, and you all might kill me in the process of getting there.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy!

It started at such a young age. An age where innocence was supposed to be cherished and where the nightmares were supposed to be fought against. There was no telling what had started it, nobody knew where it came from or what exactly had caused this all to happen. The only people that knew what had happened weren’t likely to open up about it, which only made this more difficult for all parties involved. But above all else, something had to happen about it, whether or not the event was talked about. To be frank, if nothing changed, it would be a completely different story to tell. But something had to change, and something did change.

Bright sun was shining down on the gray sidewalk as a boy of about six years old had skipped home. He called out a thanks to his next door neighbor, who had offered to take him to the park and then walk him home, which happened more often than he could ever recall, and he skipped to the front door. Honestly, the boy was definitely more polite than other boys his age, and he knew what he was saying when he thanked someone. 

As the boy walked towards the house, nothing really seemed all that off. It was a weekend, so his parents were likely to be home. He hadn't noticed that his father's car was gone, but that didn't matter to him. All he really cared about was getting to play with someone inside and having a delicious dinner before he had to go to bed. It was so simple in his six year old mind. That was Kuroo Tetsurou for you, though.

As he went inside, all he could hear was the quiet whimpering of someone in the living room, presumably his mother. He went to go investigate, and sadly enough, he was correct to think that he could hear his mom crying. "Mama? What's wrong?" Tetsurou asked in a soft voice as he climbed up onto the couch next to her.

His mother looked to him, and her eyes were very shiny and there was redness around the rims of her eyelids. It was a very sad sight to see, but Tetsurou really didn't know any better. Once she had pulled her son close and pulled him into her lap, Kuroo frowned and tried to look up at her, but she only crushed him against her chest. She was very warm, but she was trembling just a bit. "Nothing baby... I'm okay. Tell me about the park?" she asked.

This was a very odd situation and Kuroo would have asked her to tell the truth, but his six year old mind really didn't know much better. "Oh, I played a game with the neighbor lady and she told me that I did the best of any of the other kids she watches. Then we went to the jungle gym and I climbed the monkey bars and everyone else was trying to get me to fall at the park, but I didn't! All the kids were disappointed that I could actually do it, mama! And then I found this awesome toad, but the neighbor lady wouldn't let me keep it. So I had to let him go..." Kuroo pouted a bit, pulling away from his mother. "Can I make you happier?" he asked, his mind going straight back to her tears as he saw the water streaming down her face.

After a shaky breath, his mother shook her head and smiled a smile that was not so convincing. "You do make me happier already, baby. Hearing your story about the toad made me happy. You've always been such a curious boy, I love that about you. Never let people destroy your dreams, okay?"

That comment went straight over Kuroo's head as he hopped in her lap a bit. "I loved him! I can't believe she wouldn't let me keep him. It could have gone in the little cage we have here!" Kuroo said with a pout. When his mother pressed her hands on either side of his face, squishing his cheeks just a bit. "Mama? Your hands are cold..."

She squished his cheeks for another moment before bringing her lips down to his forehead. "I love you, Tetsu... You're my own baby frog. Just keep hopping through life, okay?" she said as she pulled her hands away and hugged him again.

Above all else, Tetsurou just wished his mother wouldn't be sad. He just wished that he could make his mother happy, and she would smile again. But really, Tetsurou just didn't know how to do that. He was too young. He hadn't had too much life experience yet. As she combed her hair through his hair, she fixed it to the side before she let him slide off her lap. Now that Kuroo was thinking about a frog and his mind was on his mother’s comment about being her baby frog, he started to hop around like one, making a 'ribbit!' noise to sound like a frog. Cool enough, the acting like a frog had produced a smile from his mother, so he continued to do it until he got tired and he sat on the ground, giggling and laughing up a storm.

Their day continued and his dad finally came home for dinner, but Tetsurou was just focused on keeping his mom as happy as she could possibly be. The moment that his dad sat down for dinner, though, her smile went away, and Tetsurou noticed it. Why was his mother frowning again? Why was there something wrong? This was very upsetting to the young Tetsurou, but he just continued to eat and he cleaned his plate.

After they had finished dinner and a little more time had passed, Tetsu was told to get ready for bed. It was rather common for Kuroo to joke around as he got ready for bed, so he hopped around like a frog a little more, and his mother smiled once again. As his mother kissed his head and said her goodnight to him, she left open the door just a crack the way he liked it. What was wrong with his mom though? Why was she not as happy? Why was she crying when he got home?

As Tetsurou had started to drift to sleep, he heard a rather loud banging noise that startled him awake, and he slowly sat up, looking towards the door, where light was seeping through still. He frowned as he slowly got out of bed, creeping over to the door and going to see what the noise was. He couldn't see anything in the hall, but he heard voices coming from the living room. They didn't sound like very happy voices, and they didn't sound like they were going to let up any time soon. His parents were yelling, and it had brought tears to young Tetsurou's eyes. He didn't like that his parents were yelling. It might make his mama sad, and she was already sad enough today! Maybe if he did his frog thing again, she would smile once more and everything would be okay!

That was a big maybe, though. But Kuroo had to try. The yelling had still been going on and there was another bang coming from the living room. As Tetsu stood up, the yelling had moved down the hall and he could hear it more clearly this time. "We have to be quiet, Tetsu is sleeping!" he heard his dad say in a hushed voice. That wasn't true, but Tetsurou really was supposed to be trying to sleep. He didn't need to get into trouble by climbing out of bed and not being caught still being awake. So he climbed back into his bed and he covered back up.

"I'm not the one that started the yelling," his mom had said, also in a hushed voice. This really didn't sound too good and Tetsurou really wished his parents would stop all of this. But it wasn't likely to happen. As Tetsurou continued to listen to the yelling, he rolled onto his stomach and pressed his right ear into the pillow, looking towards the door still. The hushed voices seemed to go into his parent's bedroom and they disappeared rather suddenly.

Finally, after all of the thoughts Tetsurou had been having about his parents and the way his mom was upset, his mind settled down enough to allow him to sleep. His dreams were terrifying and he woke up in tears the next morning, but he wasn't woken to someone waking him up, nor was he woken to more yelling. The sun was high in the sky and Kuroo was a little concerned at that. He wasn't sure he had school or not, but he was still going to go investigate what he could.

As Tetsu had gone out to the living room, he saw his dad out on the couch and his grandparents were there too. They didn't seem to be having a very cheerful conversation at the moment, but that didn't stop the young boy from going to go see his grandparents. He loved when they came to visit, so he started to jog into the living room and he threw himself at his grandfather, who caught the young boy and hoisted him up. "Well hello there, young Tetsurou," his grandfather said as he set Kuroo on his lap with a laugh.

"Hi grandpa! Hi grandma!" he said as he looked over to his grandmother, who waved to him and smiled very sweetly as well. "What are you doing here? It's not a holiday, it's not my birthday..." Tetsurou was trying to recall all of the reasons his grandparents came to visit.

But his mind was focused on something new within a few moments. His father had cleared his throat and had brought his attention to look at his dad out of the corner of his eyes. "Tetsurou, buddy, there's something I need to tell you..." his father said. He sounded sad, just like his mother did. That was also when he felt his grandfather tense beneath him and he looked at his father with a bit more concern in his eyes and a little more fully, rather than just out of the corner of his eye.

Taking a minute, he was about to speak, but his grandfather beat him to it. "Don't worry the boy, not just yet. We can make it good and cheerful news," he said, and Tetsu turned his face to look at his grandfather. "We're moving in with you and your mom and dad! Won't you be happy to see us?"

Eyes widened, and Tetsurou threw his arms around his grandfather to give him a hug, because he definitely was excited to hear that news. He was about to cheer and speak, but his dad had started to speaking again. "I don't want to hide this from him though. He deserves to know that-"

"He's six. He doesn't need to know this yet," his grandmother had said as she cut his father off from speaking with a very warning tone to her voice. But Kuroo couldn't help but be excited over the fact that his grandparents were moving in with them. There was no way he could focus on what his dad and grandparents were talking about.

If only he had focused on them more, if only he was old enough to understand.

"Where's mama?"

\---

It wasn't that day that Tetsurou's mom had come home. She hadn't come home the day after that, or even when he had to go back to school the following week. She did come back sometime in that school week though, and Tetsurou was more than excited she was home, even if it had been four days.

Things were never quite the same in their house when his mother finally came home, though, as his mother's laugh was always short and dry, and her smiles never quite looked the same. They seemed forced and they were very small, as if they didn’t reach her eyes. But she was still Tetsu's mom, and she was still part of his life. The other thing that changed was the fact that his parents argued a lot more. Sometimes they stopped whenever Tetsu came into the room, sometimes they wouldn't stop and they would either move their arguing to a different room, or they would ask him to go to his room so he wouldn’t hear all of their yelling. Rarely, though, did they not stop arguing when he was in the room.

Whenever Tetsurou had gone to bed, it was very uncommon for Tetsurou to get a quiet, peaceful night of sleep. The way he learned to counter the sounds of their fighting had been to press his face into his pillow and wrap the pillow up to his ears. He woke up with awful bedhead every morning, but he could at least block the sounds out and get more sleep. Sometimes his mother would try to tame the bedhead, other times she wasn't around to try and his father didn't bother trying after the first few times it happened. His grandparents were never out in the living room when he went to school, or his grandmother would try to tame the bedhead too.

Even when his mother and father didn't fight on a rare night, though, the tears never ceased to stop falling whenever Tetsurou had gone to bed. It was a miserable life for the young boy, who hadn't even reached double digits in age yet. He was too young to feel so heartbroken. He was too young to understand the arguing that his parents had constantly been involved in. What were they even arguing about? What was the point of the argument? Why did the fighting have to be so intense all the time? There was always something they slammed on a table or against a wall, and never turned out well for either of them. It was rare, but Tetsu would very rarely see his father, sitting at the kitchen table, holding his head and crying soft little cries. 

There was something very wrong, but he was always told it was nothing for him to be concerned over. Whenever he tried to ask his parents what the problem was, they would tell him it was nothing, or that it was 'adult stuff'. Sadly enough, though, Tetsu was starting to grow up too fast and he had learned that he really should try to stay out of what his parents were trying to keep him from. It was never anything for the boy to get involved in, and his parents always pushed him away whenever he tried to ask about why they were fighting.

At one point, it had gotten rather bad and to the point that Tetsurou wasn't getting sleep at home. He was falling asleep in class, and his teacher sent home a note to tell his parents that they needed to fix his sleeping habits. For just a little while, the arguing had stopped and Tetsu was able to get to sleep a little faster. But it only lasted for a couple of weeks. They had started their fighting later in the night Tetsurou had learned after that. He had only learned so because he had woken up to use the bathroom one night, and he heard his parents yelling again in the living room, and Tetsurou wasn’t able to get back to sleep. They were still making an effort to start their fighting a little later, though. After about a week, the arguments started earlier and earlier, and by the time two weeks had passed from the time his teacher had sent the note, they were back to arguing that the same time. It really hadn’t stuck, but the teacher had tried.

Things had gone on like this for so long, that whenever his parents would put him to bed, he would roll onto his stomach the moment they stepped out and he would push his face far into the pillow, trying to drown out the inevitable arguing that would start to happen in the living room. Sometimes he would wake up to see his mother waiting in the living room, other times he would wake to see his dad in the kitchen without his mother in sight.

It had to go on like this for about two years. The poor child rarely got a peaceful night of sleep, and it got to the point that whenever he went over to his friends' houses, he would still roll onto his stomach and use a pillow to block out the voices in his head, even though no one was there to yell. It was such a sad thing to see, but this just Kuroo's life now. His friend's would ask him about why he slept like that, or they would try to comment on his bed head, but he would rarely tell them the reason behind it.

One day, though, when Kuroo had been dropped off at home by one of his friend's parents after staying the night, he came inside the house to see his mother there, sitting in the living room. There were loads of boxes around the apartment. Some of the boxes had things in them, some were still lying flat on the ground, waiting to be put together. "Mom?" Tetsurou asked as he set his bag down by the front door, walking over towards his mother who was sitting. There were tears in her eyes, which was never a good sign.

His mother had looked up and she wiped the tears from her eyes, giving her son a halfhearted smile. "Oh, h-hi baby. How did your sleepover go?" she asked, still trying to rid herself of the tears in her eyes.

Humming a bit, Tetsurou decided to hop onto the couch and hug his mom tightly. "It went okay, mom. What's the matter? Why do you have so many boxes?" Tetsu asked, still hugging his mom, but looking around to all of the boxes. "Are we moving?" he asked, although it would be sad if he moved too far away from all of the friends he had. His mind couldn't seem to get off of the idea of them moving, though, and he let go of his mom and he slipped off of the couch. "I want to help pack."

That was when his mother made a very distressed sound, and Tetsu had turned to look at her with a very curious look on his face. "Tetsu, darling... I have something to tell you..." she said softly as she reached out and touched his arm, pulling it a bit and holding onto Tetsurou's hand. This wasn't going to be good, and Tetsurou could feel it. There was no way this could be good. "So... S-so I'm moving, yes. I have to pack up all of my things," she said.

When she had said that, Tetsurou had made a face and he looked around the room. "We can pack up all of the stuff together. I can work in my room if you want, and then I can come help you out here?" Tetsurou had said, but his mom let out a bit of a sigh and she shook her head. "I can help you out here first, mom. That's okay!" he suggested, hoping that was a better option.

Right then, his mother put her hands on his cheeks and she bent down a bit so she could be to his level. "Baby... I love that you want to help, but... you and daddy aren't coming with me. I have to move by myself," she had said as she let out another sigh. "I love that you want to come with me, though. I just... it's something I have to do without dad and you."

The entire world froze. Tetsurou felt like he couldn't breathe after hearing that piece of information. What in the world was she talking about? They couldn't come with her? She was moving by herself? That didn't sound like any fun, really, and Tetsu pouted a bit when the world came back into focus and he could finally breathe. "So... you're moving all alone? Won't you be lonely? Who will you play with?" Tetsurou asked quietly and the two looked into each other's eyes. The frown started to grow on Kuroo's face, and he watched as his mother's lip started to quiver. But it was definitely an honest, earnest question. He really wanted to know who would keep her company when they weren't around.

It did take a little while for her to answer, but she took a breath and she smiled a bit. "It will be hard without having you around, but it's just something that I have to do, baby boy. I'll be lonely, but you know? Maybe you can come visit me at my new place sometimes," she said quietly, with a bit of a crack to her voice. Tetsurou pushed forward right then and he wrapped his arms around her back and pressed his face against her shirt, shaking his head as he thought about her being lonely. That was when his mom started to cry again, and the two held each other for a little while.

Eventually, the two pulled back and looked at each other. "W-we should get you packed then... I want you to get to your new place... a-and I want you to be happy there... Don't be sad because you miss daddy and me..." Tetsu said, and he pulled away and started to look around. It was fortunate that Tetsurou didn’t catch the look on his mother’s face when he had mentioned missing his father, because that was a conversation that the two didn’t need to have right then. He saw the picture he drew her that was on the wall, so he went to go pull it down and bring it to her. He wanted her to have something to remember him by, and this was something he knew would make her happy.

When she took the drawing, she let out another distress sound and she covered her mouth this time. "Thanks, Tetsu... I'll keep this forever..." she said and she stood up, placing the drawing on the coffee table. “I’m going to take it with me to the car, rather than pack it away in a box somewhere.” That was when she started to pack her books, and Tetsurou started to bring her other things that were hers, like her purses and scarves, then her shoes and her DVDs. It took them an hour before they started in the kitchen. She asked Tetsu what was okay for her to take, but really, he had no idea what his dad used to cook, and he didn't know what was okay for her to take. She eventually stopped asking and took what she thought was appropriate.

It really didn't take them too much longer in the kitchen, but the time came for her to start packing up her stuff in the bathroom and then his parents' room, so Tetsurou had gone into his room and he threw himself on the bed, letting out a quiet and soft sob. "M-mama... why... A-are you leaving because of me...?" he cried quietly as he held onto his stomach and squeezed his eyes closed. He didn't want her to leave, but he had heard stories about parents that don't love each other anymore, so one leaves. They go through something called a 'divorce' or something. Was that what was happening to his parents?

The crying had caused him to pass out. It had put him to sleep, so a sleepy Kuroo had blinked himself awake and he got out of the bed to go find his mom. But that was when he saw it. That was when he saw a letter taped to the inside of his door, and it stopped him from walking out of the room. It was a letter addressed to him. That letter definitely wasn't there before. So he pulled the letter off of the door and he went back to his bed, looking over the letter before opening it and recognizing the letter being in his mom's handwriting immediately.

_My darling, dearest Tetsu,_

_I just want to tell you that I love you so very much. I was going to tell you this before now, but I didn't want to bother you. I saw you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you. Baby, I just want you to know that this isn't your fault. None of this is your fault and none of this would have happened without my own mistakes. So please, do not blame yourself over this. I just made a very bad mistake and I told your dad. I don't blame him for not forgiving me for my mistake, just so you know. But he did ask me to leave, and I just want you both to be happy when I go. Please, don't blame your dad for me leaving, because this was all my fault, baby. That's why I have to go on my own. I will miss you so very much and I will want you to be here, but I just can't take you away from your dad like this. It would be too selfish of me if I took you away from your dad after what I did, so I have to leave on my own._

_Remember that I love you more than anything. I will see you again and I promise to visit or have you come to visit me. I will see you for your first day of school in a couple of weeks, for sure._

_Love, always,_

_Mama xx_

Tetsurou had to read through that letter a few more times and he felt tears start to make their way to his eyes, welling up more than anything. They were threatening to fall as he read the letter one last time. He knew that no one was perfect, but was the mistake bad enough that his dad had to kick her out? Was it so bad that she had to leave? Tetsurou wiped at his eyes furiously and he shook his head. As he clutched the letter to his chest, he stormed out of his room and he started to look for his mom. Where was she? She couldn't have left already, could she have?

When Tetsu saw that all of the boxes were nearly gone from the living room, when he saw that his dad was sitting on the couch, looking out blankly to the living room, he realized that she had to be gone. Storming over to stand in front of the couch, Tetsu was going to get an answer. "Dad, why did you make her go? What did she do that was so bad?" the boy asked as he came out, seeing that his dad was taking a drink from some different kind of bottle.

As he set the bottle down, his dad shook his head and he put his hands up. "Tetsurou, buddy, I don't know if this is something I should talk to you about. But she did something bad enough that I have had a hard time forgiving her. So that's why she's gone," Mr. Kuroo had said, looking at his son. That was when Tetsurou had noticed that his dad had tears in his eyes, and Tetsurou had dropped his tough-guy act just a bit. He really didn't want his dad to be sad, either.

Sighing a bit, Tetsurou came over to the couch and he took a seat next to his dad. "She didn't even say goodbye to me..." Tetsu said sadly, handing his dad the letter. As his dad looked it over, he nodded and he closed his eyes when he finished.

That was when his dad opened his eyes to look over at Tetsurou, and he sighed in return. "Yeah, she said you were sleeping when I got home, so I figured you needed sleep. I would have woken you, but it just didn't feel exactly right to wake you. She wanted to say goodbye, though," his dad said. "But she does love you. I know that much," his dad said as he put an arm around his son's shoulders. "That was part of the reason she wanted to stay, and it was the reason I had such a hard time making my decision about asking her to go. But... She's right, I did ask her to leave."

Looking up at his dad with tears in his eyes, Tetsu had wanted to scream and yell at his dad. Hell, he wanted to just about anything to his dad in order to show him just how upset he was, like punch at his chest, or throw things at him. But his dad already looked upset enough to not be able to handle anything else. "I'll miss her... But she said she's going to come visit on my first day of school, so that will be fun I guess..." Tetsurou wiped at his tears as his father pulled him closer.

"Yeah, that will be fun. But hey, we should eat dinner and then you need to go shower and get some of that summer reading done. I know you said it would be easy, but I'm worried you won't get it done in time," his dad said.

Laughing a bit, Tetsu sat up and he moved to stand. That was when he noticed it. It was the drawing he had drawn for his mom specifically, and it was sitting right on top of the coffee table. She had left it there, and now she wouldn't have it with her forever and always. That was when Tetsurou had realized that this wasn't going to be a very pleasant experience and he had a large, foreboding shadow hanging over this entire thing.

 

\---

Sighing as he dragged his feet, Tetsurou carried a box out onto the moving truck. It was only three days before school was supposed to start, and his dad and grandparents had decided that they were going to move a little closer to the school four days ago. It wasn't like they lived that far away from his other school as it was, but they were also moving into a smaller place. Tetsu didn't understand why, and he was still a bit young to realize that it might have been because the house was too much to afford on one parent's salary. His grandparents had offered to help pay, but they didn't have to be responsible. So his dad decided to move the family into a new apartment rather than ask his parents for help.

"Dad, I know that you said we would talk about this, but when are we going to talk about it?" Tetsu had said as he handed the box to his dad, who had set it on top of another box.

Letting out a groan, his dad looked him over and shook his head. "Not right now, okay? We have to keep moving if we want to get it all out today," he said as he started to adjust the boxes.

That was when Tetsu had out a whine and had kicked his feet at the floor of the truck. "But dad, what if mom wants to come visit? She won't know where to go!" he complained, really only worried about that fact if he was being perfectly honest. He wanted to worry about more than that, like the new friends he would have to make, the new environment he would have to inevitably explore, and just the new house in general.

That had his dad putting his hands on his hips and groaning once more. "Tetsurou, I can text your mom our new address, alright? Go grab another box, we're not even half way done yet." The feeling of frustration was boiling very high in the truck, but Tetsu had decided he would back off of his dad, just because he didn't need to stress his father out any further. They were already moving and Tetsurou was only making it more difficult.

"I want to watch you text her the address, or I want proof that you actually did it," Tetsurou had huffed as he walked off the truck and back into the house to go get another box from his grandfather. His father had yelled out some sort of agreement, but it was still a snippy response. Granted, Tetsu's comment wasn't the nicest in the world.

As the family had continued and worked into the late afternoon, they decided to take a break and they moved to take a seat so they could eat and relax. Tetsurou was busy pestering his dad to text his mom the new address. Eventually, he did it and he showed his son, who had nodded slowly. "Can you remind her that I start school soon? I want to see her," Tetsurou had said with a sad smile. "I miss her..."

Humming a bit, his father nodded. "I know you do. I'll text her that and remind her that you start school in three days and she promised to see you," his dad said.

That was a reassuring thing to a sad Tetsurou. He was looking around the room and he was remembering all of the stories and memories he had of the apartment. It would really be sad that he had to move and those memories that he had of his mother would surely fade away. But he would get to make new memories with her. "She said she misses you too and she can't wait to see you on your first day," his dad said, and Tetsu's head perked up impossibly fast.

She was still going to show up! She was still going to come see him. That was such a relief and he couldn't wait to see her.

Eventually, the family continued their packing of the truck and finished it up, and that was when the family had started their drive. Tetsu had looked back at the apartment and he frowned a bit, just hoping he would get to make new memories with his mom.

Once the family made it to the new apartment, they had started to move in, and their new neighbors were very nice and curious about the new people moving in next door. They had offered to help unpack the truck, which was super sweet of them. The family next door had a son, and he was a little younger than Tetsurou, but he was very shy. That didn't stop the boys from getting acquainted and starting to help unpack the truck. 

The boy's name was Kozume. Kenma Kozume. It was a cool name, and Tetsurou had pointed out how their surnames both started with a K and were five letters long. The two boys talked very intermittently as they unpacked the truck, but then his parents had said they had to go when they had all finished unpacking the truck. "Unless you're okay with Kozume staying over to help? He can just walk himself next door when he wants to come home or you want him to leave," his mother had said.

Seeing that Kenma had a mother that was still around gave Kuroo a bit of longing and heart pain for his own mother. Sure, he knew in the back of his mind that the lady was Kenma’s mother, though he didn’t focus on it until that moment. But it wasn't Kenma’s fault and there was really no reason that Kuroo should be feeling bad about all of this, when he was likely going to get to see his own mother very soon. Less than three full days, now. "That's fine, yeah. He can help Tetsu start unpacking his room."

The two boys looked at each other and they smiled, going off to Tetsurou's new room. "So, why did you move?" Kenma asked Kuroo as they went into Kuroo's new room, starting with a box labeled 'Tetsu's bedding' so they could make his bed.

Humming for a bit, Kuroo looked down towards his feet as he started to kick at the ground awkwardly. "I guess... My dad and grandparents can't afford the other house, so they decided we needed to move to this house," Kuroo said with a shrug as he opened the box and he looked up at Kenma.

Letting out a hum of his own, Kenma started to pull sheets out of the box and place them on the bed. The two boys picked out a set of red and white sheets for his bed. "So is it just your dad and grandparents? Do you have a mom too?"

That question had caused Kuroo to tense up, and he froze before he started to pick at his fingers. That was something that had been such a touchy subject, and even though Kenma didn't know that he was picking at a mental scab that had only started to form, Kuroo tried to focus on the sheets he was putting on his bed. "I have a mom, yeah... but uh... I don't want to talk about her. I just... she left a couple of weeks ago," Kuroo managed and he bit his lip so he didn't start to cry in front of his new friend.

Taking a step back, Kenma put his hands up and he shook his head "I'm sorry, I won't ask any more about her. I don't want to make you sad..." Kenma had said as he started to help put the sheets on the mattress. "But your dad and grandparents seem really nice, really."

Nodding, Kuroo started putting the top sheet on the bed as well. He shrugged his shoulders a bit. "They are. And it's okay, because she promised she was going to come see me on my first day of school. She told my dad she would meet me at the gates, so I'll get to see her again. I'm really excited for that," Kuroo said with a sad smile. "Oh, that reminds me..." Kuroo said as he climbed off the bed and he started to look through the boxes before he found the one he was looking for. He pulled off the tape and he found the box he was looking for inside of the bigger box. He had made a shoe box for everything that he could find that reminded him of his mom, and the letter was on top. The drawing was underneath. "Want to help me draw something new for her? She loves my drawings, and says they are her favorites in the world."

Smiling, Kenma nodded as he climbed off the bed and he walked over to where Kuroo was pulling out paper and he had found a box of colored pencils. "Cool! Or, you could draw one for your mom, so she can have one. Your parents seem super nice, too," Kuroo had commented softly and the boys chatted away softly, starting to draw their mothers something nice as they stayed on the ground.

It was late, and that was when a knock had happened on the door. As Tetsurou's father walked inside, he saw that both boys had passed out on the floor. He only left the door open a crack. They had passed out while drawing and they were still asleep on the floor. Usually, Tetsurou's dad wouldn't just let him sleep on the floor, but he was too nice to wake the pair of boys after all the work they had done today, particularly Kuroo. Kenma had woken up briefly due to the uncomfortable position he was twisted in, and he noticed that Kuroo had his hands pressed to his head, and he was lying face down on the ground. As he reached over to wake the boy, Kuroo woke slowly and groaned. The two boys had crammed onto his small, twin bed and went to sleep. Kenma noticed that Kuroo had went back to the same position, only his face was being surrounded by a pillow this time.

By the time the boys parted ways the next morning, they each had a feeling that they were going to make good friend's with the other boy, Kenma being the more skeptical of the two at that point. But it really wouldn't hurt to try.

As Kuroo had worked on his unpacking, he found more drawings he had made of his family, and those drawing went into the shoe box.

Another day had passed, and Kuroo had started to get more and more excited for seeing his mother. It was such an exciting feeling to have, really. He was just more than happy that he would get the chance to see her after these last two weeks had gone by. It had been hard not having her there, as he just missed her so much. She was just that incredible of a mother. It hadn't dawned on him yet that his mother leaving because of her own mistake meant she wasn't as goddess-like as he had painted her to be. But Kuroo was happy thinking that his mother was perfect.

\---

"Just a little longer," Tetsurou whined as he looked out to the road, shaking his head. Tetsu was sitting in his father's car, and he was looking out the window to watch and inspect the passing cars. None of them had been his mother who he had been waiting for all morning.

Letting out a sigh, his father opened his own door and got out of the car, coming to Kuroo's door and opening the door. "We can at least wait outside, right? We don't have to wait in the car. I just don't want you to be late, bud. We can wait by the gates for a few more minutes," his dad had said.

Finally agreeing, Tetsu had gotten out of the car and he clutched onto the drawing that he had drawn for her with Kenma there the other night. He had seen Kenma walking into the building and the two boys waved to one another. "I hope she comes!" Kenma called out before he walked towards the school building.

That was a nice thing for Kenma to want for Tetsu, he figured. He had a feeling that he and Kenma were going to be good friends, even though he knew that Kenma was a grade below him. That didn't stop his mind from picturing all the adventures they could have together. "Has she text you back yet?" Tetsurou asked in a bit of a whine, watching the cars pulling into the school building, but none of them were her car that had been pulling in.

Pulling out his phone, Tetsurou's dad had let out a sigh and shook his head. "Not yet, pal. It's getting late... I really think you should go inside, since you're new here and you don't know anyone."

Still looking out to the road, Tetsurou's head had fallen slowly and he frowned gently, looking down to his drawing. "But I... I have a present for her..." Kuroo said as he lifted his head and he looked at his father.

It was that statement that had broken his father's heart, and his dad crouched down to him, trying to smooth out his hair, but it was just too messed up to try to fix now. "Why don't you give it to me and I will see where she is? I'll give it to grandma for later so you two can wait for a little while to see if she comes after class, alright?" Mr. Kuroo had said, tilting his head a bit. "I'm sorry she's not here, pal. She still loves you though," he said as he pressed a kiss to Tetsu's head and he took the drawing from the boy.

It was sad, but it was just something that Kuroo had to endure for the next little while. He would have to deal with the fact that his mom probably wasn't coming. "You told her what time, right?" Tetsurou asked sadly.

His father nodded and he scrolled up to the message he originally sent to show him that yes, he sent her the time. "Let's go inside, okay? You're going to have a good time with your new classmates."

This had to be one of the most disappointing moments in Kuroo's life currently. It might have been sadder when his mother had left, but this was still a bit more disappointing. Taking a breath, Kuroo looked towards the school building and he started to walk in, his father right behind him. He would have to do this without his mother, regardless of how much he didn't want to.


	2. Am I Still Not Good Enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you all know, this does try to follow canon, but it will be divergent in some spots to fit the story. Please enjoy!

The excitement was high in the air as Tetsurou stood on the porch and he bounced on his toes. The anticipation was running through his veins like the time he accidentally consumed some of his father's coffee with extra espresso in it, and he was on a caffeine high. Or the day the school had to close early because of weather and he was excited to go home four hours early. This was what it felt like to Kuroo, anyway, and he really just couldn't wait any longer.

As he watched the cars pass by, he saw as one turned down his road and he watched the way the car approached. Kuroo couldn't help but gasp, bouncing just a little more. Was it her? Was it who he was waiting for all this time?

On a day like today, no one really blamed Tetsurou for standing out on the porch in the cold. His friends were very confused still as they waited inside, since it was his birthday and they were all at his house with presents and ready to play games and do party activities. The parents had to control their children and tell them to leave Tetsurou alone while he waited out on the porch, anxious and excited for one of his guests to finally arrive.

It happened a few weeks ago, when his father told him that he needed to pass out invitations to his birthday party. It was rather dull at first, because Kuroo really wasn't too excited for his birthday. Sure, he had made friends with his classmates, and sure, it would probably be a good birthday party regardless. But it would be the first birthday he had without his mother there. But that was what he thought before he had a talk with his dad. He could remember the conversation with his dad as if it had happened only hours ago...

_"I don't want to have a birthday party if mama isn't going to be here..."_

_"We can invite her if you want to, really. I just want you to have a good birthday party and enjoy becoming such a big, strong boy."_

_"We can invite her?! Really? Can I write an extra long invitation?"_

_"Sure, pal."_

So that was when he wrote out a long invitation, inviting her to his birthday party and sending out all of this invitations.

And then, only a week later, Kuroo had gotten a reply to the letter he had wrote to her, where he drew all over the letter and colored it in all around the words. That letter was what he held onto as he stood on the porch. Right now, he probably had the letter memorized and he repeated the words in his head.

_Hi baby! I miss you so, so much! I am so happy to hear from you and I can't tell you just how warm my heart is and how much I am smiling right now. But of course I wouldn't miss your birthday party! You're getting so big and strong, dear. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and swing you around, just for your birthday! I am more than excited to see you for your birthday, and I will have to ask your dad if I can take you out for lunch the day after, just so we can spend even more time together._

_I love you so much, baby, and your cute little drawings made me oh so happy. I can't wait to get to draw on your face with face paint on your birthday, just like we always do it. I will see you on your birthday for the party!_

_Love, always, Mama._

Tetsurou held onto the letter and he looked at it when he realized the road was quiet, reading it again and again. As he looked up, only a small amount of disappointment filled Tetsu when he saw that the person coming towards the house was Kozume. Sure, Kenma was definitely a good friend. He was a friend that he would count on for years to come and that much he was sure of. But Kenma just wasn't his mom, no matter how he looked at the situation, and he really just couldn't compare the two.

As Kenma approached the apartment, Kuroo smiled and waved, watching as Kenma's mom walked into the apartment and Kenma stood with him on the porch. "Who are you waiting for?" Kenma asked, his voice not as soft as it would have been, had they been in school or in front of others. Kenma really was rather shy and soft spoken, but whenever he was with Kuroo, he didn't have to be and he seemed to brighten up.

It was also curious for Kenma to just assume that Tetsurou was waiting for someone. He was, absolutely, but did he really give off that impression or vibe? That really wasn't a thought that Kuroo could continue to focus on. He didn't care that he looked like he was waiting, simply because he actually was waiting.

Continuing to bounce on his toes, Tetsurou looked back out to the bright street, just watching as the cars went by and didn't stop for anything at all. "My mom! She said she was coming, so you'll get to meet her finally!" Kuroo had said, a brilliant smile on his face.

That was when Kozume had made a face and ran his hand through his hair that was getting longer and longer. "Are you sure she's really going to come? Didn't she say she was going to come for your first day of school too and she never did? And then wasn't she supposed to come get you for a vacation but never did?"

It made Tetsurou flinch a bit to know that Kozume had remembered all of this about his mom. They really were starting to become close friends, even though they were in different grade levels and they only ever saw one another when they had to be watched by the other's parent, or out on the playground. "So? She was busy, and then the vacation... she was running late to catch her plane. But she promised she would come this time, so I'm going to believe her!" Tetsurou said as he put a hand on his hip, huffing just a little bit.

As another car had pulled down his street and started to come towards his apartment, he gasped and he smiled. His father said earlier that she had a new car, so he wouldn't recognize it. That just meant that he would become excited every time a car started to drive towards his apartment.

Another small bout of disappointment came when he watched the car pull into the apartment on the other side of him, and he knew that it wasn't his mama, who was meant to be on her way. "Okay, I just remember how sad you were when she didn't come to your first day of school or to come get you for a vacation. I don't want you to be sad again, when she probably won't show up," Kenma said as looked towards the apartment door. "I'm going to go inside. Want to come inside and play games, and maybe she'll show up while we play to surprise you?" Kenma asked, kicking his feet just a little as he tapped his hands together.

Shaking his head, Kuroo kept on looking out towards the street. "I want to be here to greet her and give her a hug when she gets here, and I can't do that if I'm playing games," Kuroo had said. It caused Kenma to sigh, and he just looked to the ground.

Once Kenma had gone inside, Kuroo stood on the porch and continued to watch as cars started to pull down his road. A few of them were going elsewhere, but the others had definitely pulled in to come to his apartment. They were all here for his party. Kuroo greeted all of them and asked them to go inside, still watching out to the road.

It had been probably twenty minutes since Kenma had arrived and Kuroo continued to stand on the porch, watching the street and feeling a sinking feeling in his gut. This was what Kenma was trying to warn him of, wasn't it? She really wasn't going to show up, he thought. That was definitely a sad thought, and he frowned as he looked down towards his feet. But he wasn't going to give up. She said that she was coming, she said that she was so excited to see him and that she was going to even take him to a special birthday lunch the day after. So where was she?

That was when Tetsurou felt a set of hands land on his shoulders, and he tensed up again. "We're going to start with lunch, so why don't you come and eat? Then we can do your presents and have cake too?" Tetsu heard his father say.

Looking up and turning his head to see his father, he frowned a little deeper. "But she's not here yet... We can't start without her!" Tetsurou was pretty set on the idea that he wasn't going to start his birthday party without his mom being there. But the thing was, everyone else that said they were going to show up to the party was there, and they were waiting inside and getting impatient. Tetsurou didn't know that, and he really didn't care that everyone was waiting for him on his birthday party.

Sighing a bit and moving to stand in front of Tetsurou, his father crouched in front of him and gave his son a very sad smile, as if it would help at all. "Bud, I think we should start the party so your friends don't get mad and leave. The food will get cold and your friends want to see you open your presents. Don't you want to make your friends happy and play games with them? We can even put on one of your favorite movies if you want to. I know you want to wait for your mom, but I just don't want your friends to get mad," his father had said as he tilted his head.

Dropping his own head, Tetsu frowned and bit his lip a bit. He really wasn't too keen on starting the party without his mom being there, but he was just hoping that she would show up soon. "Okay, we can go have lunch... Can we wait to do the presents though? I wanted her to be here to see that, just because she is always so happy when I open my presents," Tetsurou said, his eyes gleaming a bit. He really wanted his mom to be happy when she came to visit, so that usually made her happy.

Thinking for a moment, his father sighed as he moved to stand up. "We can wait until after you play a game with all of your friends, but then we really should let your friends watch you open your presents. Okay?" his father had said, and he ran a hand through his own hair, which was getting on the messy side like his son's always was now. Tetsurou's hair was definitely due to how he slept. Even if Tetsurou tried to sleep without pillows, or on his back, he would always have the same bed head when he woke up, regardless of what he tried.

Nodding, Tetsu had looked out towards the road one more time, and he slowly turned back to the apartment door, going towards the party and announcing to everyone that they were going to have lunch and then play a game.

This wasn't exactly ideal, and Tetsurou kept looking towards the door as he ate his lunch and then when he started to play games with his friends. It was a laugh and it was a good time, but Tetsurou was really just waiting desperately for his mama to show up. She was supposed to be there and she said that she would be there, so where was she?

After the game, his father came over to Tetsu and gave him a sad look. "So, we're going to start opening gifts now, okay?" his dad said, watching as his son started to make sounds of protest. "I know you wanted to wait until your mom got here, but I've been texting her, and she says she is really sorry that she can't make it. She has a job interview, and she can't miss it. She says she will try to come by after the interview, but I don't want you to get your hope up for that, because she still might not be able to come."

That was probably one of the most disappointing things Tetsurou could have heard, particularly on his birthday. "Oh... okay. Having a job is important for her, so it's okay. I understand..." Tetsu said as he looked towards the presents. "I should open my presents then," he said, going towards the stack of gifts that his friends and family had gotten for him.

He couldn't pretend that he was happy as he opened his present, but he held back his tears. Tetsu had reduced his tears to just shining eyes, that were glimmering every time he said 'thank you' to one of his friends for the gift. He did smile as he opened his presents, but the smile didn't quite reach his pupils. It was a faked smile, because Tetsurou had to spend his birthday without his mama being there, and she was going to miss out on everything for this birthday.

When all of the presents were opened and Kuroo had thanked everyone, he waved everyone out after he had his birthday cake and they all played another game. Only his dad, grandparents, and Kenma remained in the apartment when he went to his room and threw himself down on his bed. He really just wanted to be alone.

Honestly, Kuroo didn't know how long he had been alone. It probably wasn't long enough, but he was already in a bad mood, so what was a little while longer? "Kuroo...?" Kenma had asked as he stood at the door, just standing there and looking at him with sad eyes. Kuroo didn't have to look up to see just how sad the smaller boy looked, and he was probably caving into himself, which only made him look smaller.

Shaking his head and not bothering to look up from his pillow, he started to let out sobs and cries of the emotional pain he was feeling right then, his chest filled of suffocating agony. _Where was mama today? Why isn't she here?_

More time had passed and Kuroo wasn't sure how long he had been crying. He knew it had to be a while though, as he was starting to get tired and he finally let the crying die down a little.

As Kuroo felt his bed shift a bit, and he felt someone beside him, he finally decided to look up to see Kenma lying beside him. "It was a good party, but there were too many people. If you didn't know, I don't like lots of people around," Kenma had said.

Snickering just a little, Kuroo knew that Kenma didn't like a lot of people. But it did make his tears stop for just a moment. "It was a good party even though I was distracted the whole time?" Kuroo asked curiously, rolling onto his back to look up to his ceiling. He really was distracted the entire time, and he wondered if everyone had noticed, or if he did a decent enough job of hiding it. Not that he really cared if anyone noticed that he was distracted or not, simply because he had a need for his mother to show up to the party, even though she never did.

Shrugging, Kenma looked at Kuroo and he let out a sigh. "I'm sorry she didn't come. I knew that she was going to hurt you again. Maybe you should just stop expecting her to be there," Kenma said with a soft voice, frowning as Kuroo looked at him with a look that told Kenma that he was crazy for suggesting such a thing.

"She is going to come one of these times, and you are going to see why I am sad every time she doesn't come, because she is my best friend!" Kuroo said as he threw his arms up into the air, letting them fall down onto the bed.

It wasn't meant to be offensive, but Kenma did flinch a little and he sighed. It was just the truth, Kenma figured. Maybe that was how Kuroo had still viewed his mother, which with everything that Kuroo had said about her, he really couldn't blame the older boy. It still hurt a little, because Kenma could have sworn that Kuroo viewed him as his best friend. But he understood that his mom held that title of Kuroo's best friend, just because Kuroo's relationship with his mom used to be so great. "I can't wait to meet her."

The two boys stayed up for another hour before Kenma's mother came over to remind him that he needed to come home to do his homework, and Kenma had said his goodbyes to Kuroo. "Maybe I can meet your mom next time."

\---

There was never a next time to speak of. Tetsurou had invited his mother to countless events and other things. Every single time, his mother had replied that she would be there. But then, every single time, Tetsu was disappointed and saddened that she didn't come.

One of the events was a class show, and Kuroo had the lead role. His mother said she was going to be there and he had practiced so very hard. He performed the show as hard as he could to give her the best show he possibly could, but as he looked out to the crowd during halftime, he realized his mom wasn't in the crowd. Only his dad and grandparents were there, so the second half of his performance was really very dull. Apparently she had car trouble that day, which was why she couldn't come, even though she promised to be there again.

The next time that a promise was broken was really Tetsurou's fault, because he had tried his best to force himself to go somewhere and spend time with his mother. When it was her own birthday, he asked if he could be with her and spend the day with her. When she said yes, he was excited and waited by the door for hours, until his dad had told him that she had completely forgotten about what she had agreed to and she was already too inebriated to be driving. So he was once again very disappointed.

Then, when his grandfather got sick and when Kuroo sent his mom a letter to tell her that he missed her and wanted her to be around because he was scared for grandpa, she had said she would come take him on a trip around town to distract him and talk about grandpa. Weeks later, when his grandpa had finally been better, Kuroo found out that his mother had tried to come to see him, but Kuroo was never home when she came by. So that was why he had decided to always come home, rather than go and spend time with his friends after school or do any extra club activities.

This was just how things were going to be, it seemed. Kuroo would get more than excited for his mom to be there and he would finally get to spend time with her, but then she would never show up and she would have an excuse of some sort, no matter how bad the excuse was. It was absolutely heart breaking for Kuroo to go through, but that was just how it was at the moment. It seemed like he was going to be heartbroken for a little while longer, because it seemed like his mother just wasn't going to show up for an event of his. But Kuroo really just couldn't help it. He was desperate to see his mother and he really wanted to be with her.

The year had gone by and Kuroo had started to put his hopes up higher and higher, which only meant he would fall harder when his hopes and dreams didn't come true. He really had missed his mother very much, but she just had never made the time to see him. It was such a sad thing, and it had actually made Kuroo sick at one point. Sick enough that his father had let him stay home and it left him so desperate for his mother. He really was so desperate that his dad had actually called his mother and asked her to come by the apartment. When she said she would, his dad had told Tetsurou that she sounded like she was coming, but he did warn Tetsu not to get his hopes up. That didn't stop Tetsurou from waiting up for her when he really should have been sleeping.

It still hurt when she didn't come, but the entire time he was sick, he still hoped that he would see her.

Eventually, his mother had started to turn Tetsurou into a cynical boy, and he stopped wanting to invite her to things. When he had his next birthday party, he didn't bother to invite her. When he hurt his ankle, he didn't bother to tell her because he knew she wouldn't care to come check on him. Finally, when he had received the top grades in his class one year, he didn't care enough to tell her that they were having a celebratory dinner, where his dad told him he could invite anyone he wanted to.

Tetsurou was really doing his best to forget about his mother, as she was becoming such a depressor in his life and was doing nothing to make it any better. Tetsurou had put so much time and effort into making her want to be part of his life, but it never changed anything at all, and he was never able to see his mother when he wanted to.

That didn't mean that he hadn't seen his mother at all over the years, but it was never for things he wanted to see her for.

There was one day that Tetsurou had walked into the apartment after school, actually excited that he might be able to join a sport and be part of something for once. His mind wasn't on his mother at all and he had gone days without thinking about her. But that was when he heard it, and he froze. That was his mother yelling at his dad. That was definitely her voice. Was she actually there? Or was she just a figment of his imagination? It had been two whole years since he had seen his mother, so Tetsu really wasn't sure.

Finally, his eyes caught onto her figure, and Tetsurou's voice caught in his throat. When his mother turned around, Tetsurou could see that she had been crying and she had been rather angry. She was angry enough to curse and hardly notice that her son was standing there, frozen to on the spot. When she had noticed him though, his mother wiped at her tears and gave him a smile. "Hi, baby. I have missed you so much, oh man. It's been so long since I've seen you. I really wish I could stay, but I have to get to work," she had said, and Tetsurou blinked a bit.

Eventually, his mother came over to hug him and Tetsurou just stood there, not moving in the slightest. It was really such a surprise to even see her, simply because Tetsurou didn't think he would ever see her again, and it started to play with his heart and caused him to tense up. "Where were you?" Tetsurou blurted out after she pulled away and started to walk out of the apartment.

The question had definitely thrown his mother off guard, and she stopped in her heels, just standing here. "Baby, I was-"

"Don't call me that anymore. _Where were you?_ After everything I've been through and all of the stuff you've missed, all you can say is that you've missed me but you can't stay?" Tetsurou turned to look at her. He stood there, narrowing his eyes to her and clenching his fists. He really didn't want to hear her excuses for having to leave or for anything else, but he wanted to see her hurt just as much as he had been hurting over the last two years. Most of all though, Kuroo wanted answers.

It didn't have to come to this, but Kuroo was really just beyond irrational at this point. He hadn't seen his mother in over two years, and here she was, just acting as though nothing was wrong and that she didn't miss him? Maybe she said that she had, but Tetsu wasn't going to believe her when she said that she couldn't stay. That was such a joke, and Tetsurou could feel the heat coming to his face. "Bud... I really have missed you. I'm sorry I've missed a few events, but I really did want to come to them, I promise. I just couldn't..." his mother said as she slowly turned to him, her face full of surprise. "Would it help if I picked you up from school tomorrow and I took you to dinner so we can talk about all of this?"

Tension built up in Tetsurou's shoulders and he closed his eyes, his head bowing down towards the ground. His jaw clenched and he had to hold back the tears that were building in his eyes. He was starting to feel his chest tighten and only his own self control could hold him back at the moment. "I don't want you to make more promises, just for you to break my heart! Don't you get it? I don't want you here anymore! I don't want you in my life and I don't want you to be around anymore because you're just going to hurt me again and again!" Tetsurou had shouted. He was swinging his arm wildly, being very expressive with his body language right now.

When he felt a hand on his shoulder, Tetsurou had looked behind him to see his father standing there. "You heard the boy. I think you should leave, if you don't want to see him explode," his dad had said with a face as hard as stone, and he was standing there, very firmly agreeing with his son.

That was when his mother had started to tear up. She gave Tetsurou one last glance, and she dropped her head. "I'm so sorry, son... I am so sorry I've let you down..." she said in a voice just barely above a whisper. It didn't matter how much pain she seemed to be in, and it certainly didn't matter that she was distraught over all of this. What mattered was that she knew that Tetsurou didn't want her to be around anymore. All that mattered was that she knew that he wasn't going to take her shit anymore and he wasn't going to willingly let her break his heart again.

As she left, Tetsurou turned to his dad and gave him a tight hug, pressing his face into his dad's stomach. His father was still very tall, and while Tetsurou was growing and while had definitely grown taller, he was only up to his father's stomach. But that didn't matter, because his father could still hug and hold him. "I'm sorry she hasn't been around. She came by to ask me for things, but I really don't owe these things to her, so she's upset."

Hearing all of that, Tetsurou smiled a little, just to think that his mother was upset that she couldn't just walk into anyone's life and take what she wanted now. She had already taken enough from all of them, so it was only fair that she couldn't take what she wanted now, when she seemed to need it. "Dad, I love you..." Tetsurou had said as he pulled away and wiped at his eyes.

His dad had smiled and ran a hand over his sons head. "I love you too, son. We'll be okay." It seemed that the emotions were slowly turning around for the better. "Want to order a pizza? Oh, and how was school today? Tell me about it!"

It was such a shock for Tetsurou to learn that his father really did want to know about his son's life. That was only something he had noticed in the last couple of weeks. He hadn't really seen that his father was always there for him, but slowly and surely, Tetsurou was learning that his father would always be there, no matter what. "Yeah, pizza sounds good. School was good, and I have some good news!" Tetsurou said with a smile as the pair had walked to go sit down. His dad ordered a pizza and listened to his son talk about club activities, which got him to chuckle and smile.

"If you really want to join a club, I'm going to make you stick with it and become as good as you can at it. Do you want to join a club still?"

His father smirked a bit at the way Tetsurou's face twisted and contorted into a look of confusion. "Of course I do! I want to be the best I can be in my club anyway!" That was really what Tetsurou had wanted to hear, and he was happy to know that his father was willing to let him join and was being supportive like this.

After that conversation, the pizza had arrived and it seemed that his mother was completely out of his brain right then. It was good that she was away from his mind right now, as Tetsurou didn't need her to plague his mind with any other negative thoughts. She had done more than enough to screw up his life anyway, so she didn't deserve to be on his mind.

While Tetsurou was doing his best to forget about his mother, he had done things to completely distract himself and to force himself to stop thinking about her all together. He had joined the volleyball club when he had entered middle school, and it was such a thrill and so much fun that he really didn't have time to think about anything else.

Now, if he really wanted to completely forget about his mother, things really would have had to been different. One, his mother needed to stop trying to ask about him. His father had told him that his mother was texting him constantly as of late, asking how Tetsurou was doing and if there was anything she could come to. Even though there were volleyball matches she could show up to, and even though he was participating in a science fair for his school, he really didn't care to see her again. So when he told his dad that he didn't want her there, his dad had lied to her and told her that he really didn't have anything.

It also might have helped Tetsurou completely forget about her if she stopped sending him letters and little gifts. She had sent him a chemistry set, and she had sent him a volleyball and other smaller things that he just shoved into the drawer that he kept everything she had sent to him over the last few years that didn't matter to him in the slightest.

Even though his mother was still trying to be a part of his life, Tetsu was making the best of his life. During his next birthday, he had been so ready to have a great birthday and rewrite history, the history of his bad birthdays.

When someone else knocked on the door and Tetsu had been confused, he went to go answer the door. He thought that everyone was already there. As he answered the door to see who it was, he froze before he gasped and stumbled back a little. "Y-you weren't invited. Leave..." he said as he stepped back and bumped into someone. It was his dad, and that was also when Kenma had come over, looking up to her with wide eyes. 

Kenma knew how Tetsurou's feelings had changed about his mom over the years, but he had never had the chance to actually see her. He couldn't have been entirely positive that this was Tetsurou's mother. "Can we go to my room?" Tetsu had asked quietly while his father had tried to tell his mother to leave.

Nodding, Kenma hesitantly reached for Kuroo's hand and pulled him away from the commotion happening right in front of him. It was a little difficult for Kuroo to pull himself away from it all, as he was in the center of it all. But Kenma knew that Kuroo needed to get away. "So that's your mom?" Kenma had asked as they stepped into Kuroo's bedroom. Even though there were Tetsu's friends out in the apartment, waiting to go out and play in the snow and were waiting for the party to start, they would just have to wait for things to actually start, just because there was too much happening at the moment. Kuroo didn't care if he made them wait. Hell, he didn't care if everyone other than Kenma had left at the moment.

Sighing as he sat on his bed, he nodded and looked at Kenma. "Yeah, that's her. I don't want her here though. I never invited her and I really didn't want her around. She's done enough to mess up my life, so why does she have to be here now?" Kuroo said, letting out a groan.

Shrugging, Kenma sat on the bed. "Hopefully she will leave and we can go out and play in the snow soon. I want to build a snow fort like we did last time. That was so much fun," Kenma said softly. Over the time the two boys had known each other, Kuroo had only succeeded in getting Kenma to come out of his shell just a little bit when he was around others. But when Kenma was only with Kuroo, he really was much more lively and animated than he was around everyone else. He actually had admitted to liking things, he had told Kuroo about things going on in his life, and he just did everything with Kuroo, it seemed.

It was only a little while longer that the two boys stayed in his room. Tetsurou was happy enough to see that his mother had left and everyone was dressed and ready to go outside. It was such a fun day out in the snow too, and nothing could ruin it. Kuroo wouldn't let anything ruin this fun. There was no way that he would miss out on having a good time just because his mother seemed to want to ruin it.

The time came for Kenma to join the volleyball team in their middle school, and they had even more to talk about now. Kenma and Kuroo played and it seemed that it was the only thing they did now. They were either spotted working on their passing or they were setting against a wall. They really were very invested in volleyball and the two boys were just having so much fun with it.

Now, there were times that things weren't so good in school. Sure, Kuroo had the best grades in his grade for most things, and he was already in the most advanced class. But just because he was a smart, nerdy boy, that didn't mean that everyone liked him and they cared about him. There really didn't care about him, it seemed, as they laughed at him anytime he injured himself by mistake, or anytime he missed a dumb question on a quiz.

One day, though, the topic of families came up in health class, and Kuroo just listened in on how his classmates talked about their families when the teacher had asked for each student to share. Only a few of them seemed to have rough lives, like the kid that had lost his father to cancer, and the other girl that was adopted and didn't know her real family. When it was Kuroo's turn to share, he shrugged a bit as he leaned back in his chair. "I have a dad and I live with him. My grandparents live with us too," he said as he shrugged a bit.

The teacher seemed to want to move onto someone new, but that was when someone had asked "what about your mom?" That was only a fair question, because everyone else went into detail about their whole family and it wasn't really fair for Kuroo to get to skip over sharing things when everyone else was sharing completely.

Taking a breath, Kuroo sat up a bit. "She's not around. She left me and my family a while ago. I really don't want to talk about it," he said. The teacher moved on, regardless of others' protests.

It didn't stop the kids from asking during lunch, though, because they all seemed to have nothing better to do with their time. "She left? Did she die? Or just walk away?" one boy asked, and everyone stayed quiet as they started to eat their lunch and wanted to listen in to what Kuroo had to say.

Tetsurou really didn't want to share the privacy of his own life with his classmates and he desperately wanted to avoid talking about any of this if he could. This wasn't something that he really cared to share. "She just walked away. She's dead to me anyway, even though she's not actually dead."

Snorting, one of the boys seemed to think it was funny. "The all mighty Tetsurou-kun doesn't have a mother and wants her dead. What a laugh. Why isn't she around anymore? Did you dump acid on her or make an experiment blow up in her face? Does she not love science geeks? Is that why she doesn't love you an-"

"She's gone because she was unfaithful to my dad and he didn't want her around anymore. She's gone because she would rather focus on herself than be part of my life. I'm done talking about this, so go." Kuroo had stood up and had grabbed the kid by his shirt collar, pulling him in close and their noses had been only a centimeter apart at this point, when Kuroo had growled out his response. Kuroo was not in the mood to listen to these kids taunt him about his family life. He was not in the mood to have to hear how everyone else had it so much better than he did and how everyone thought it was funny that his home life wasn't that great.

Kuroo let the kid go and the group had left Kuroo alone for that moment, not wanting to get on his bad side again. Even though his mother wasn't part of his life anymore, she seemed to keep coming up to screw his life up more and more. She wasn't around and she never seemed to care that he didn't want her there anymore when she tired to come around, but even when she didn't try, something like this would come up and something like this would always leave a mark on him when Kuroo was desperate to forget about his mother.

That night, Kuroo had gone home to cry. He didn't talk to Kenma when he had asked what was wrong, and he didn't bother to tell his dad anything about school. He just went to his room and started to sob. Tetsurou had also pulled open the drawer of things that he had kept from his mother, and he dumped it all out on the floor. "Why weren't you here for me...?" Kuroo asked as he started to fall to his knees and he looked at all of the letters, birthday cards, and little trinkets his mother had given to him over the years. The tears were falling as he stared down at it all.

One letter in particular had caught his eye, and Kuroo picked it up to look it over. It was one of the more recent letters, and Kuroo sniffled as he read over the letter, just to see where he had gone wrong. Was he pushing his mother away too hard? Did he really not want her around? Or was that just what his anger had told him? Sniffling, Kuroo started at the beginning of the letter once again.

_My dearest pal,_

_Hi bud! So I hear that you and your volleyball team won this last match! I was going to come, but I didn't want to throw off your game and I definitely didn't want to make you mess up. You might not have won against the other team! And I heard that it was a really hard team, too! So congrats, dear!_

_I know you aren't very fond of me at the moment and I know you don't care really, but I did just want you to know that I am moving out of Tokyo and I won't be around to see you or come to anything else. If you invite me to something, I might still come, but I will tell you if I can or can't. Don't worry, I won't try to fib about showing up and then not show up over something stupid. But I will miss you, even though you probably won't miss me. I don't blame you, because I've messed up a lot._

_Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I will be there for anything else you want me to be there for. Don't feel like you have to invite me though, I don't want to cause you any other pain. I love you and I will talk to you again._

_Love, mom_

That was the first letter she hadn't signed her name as 'mama' and had only put 'mom' instead. It was this letter that he sobbed into, and this was the letter his father found him clutching onto when he came in to ask his son about dinner. But the boy was passed out on the floor, and his dad didn't want to disturb him. But he did want the boy to get into bed, so he didn't screw up his back and have bad posture. So, he woke his son and had him get into bed after.

Tetsurou's father had always been there for him, he was learning more and more. The boy would never be alone if he had his father there with him.

After that little incident, the rest of the year went by without too many other incidents. The two boys were at their last few days of the school year and were excited, although they would be sad to have Kuroo leave for high school and he would be leaving Kenma behind. That didn't much matter though, as Kuroo would still see Kenma at home and they would still talk.

It was still the end of middle school when Kuroo sat down and his father told him they were having a celebration for how well he did in school during his middle school years. Kuroo ended up with the highest grades of his entire year, so that was worthy of being celebrated. When his dad sat down with him and they came up with a guest list, his father took a breath. "Should you add your mom to the list, maybe? You don't have to invite her, but it would be the nice thing to do, maybe."

Of course, his father was right. Kuroo really should invite his mother and see if she would hold up on her promise like she wrote in that letter. So he had added his mother to the list, and he sent out all of the invitations. A couple days later, he started getting responses to the letters and he was making sure to add everyone to the list that said they were coming. It was a surprise to see that his mom had checked that she would be there on the reply card, so he reluctantly added her to the list.

Unsurprisingly, though, his mother didn't show up for the party, and he really just didn't care that she just didn't show up. He didn't care that she had broken yet another promise and he wasn't too shocked that she wasn't there. Tetsurou didn't even care when she had texted his father to say that she was too sick to come. Tetsurou wouldn't care regardless of the excuses that she gave. She could have been dying, and Tetsu wouldn't care. She hadn't been there for him, so why would he care that she was sick? She didn't care when he was sick, and she didn't care about anything else. So why should he care about her more than she cared for him?

It didn't make this hurt any less, and it certainly did mess Kuroo up on a mental level as he started high school and had more responsibilities, but he was going to continue to live his life and try to get through everything that he could. It was the only way he would survive, or so he thought.


	3. Is It My Fault?

"Kuroo, you have volley later. You can't just skip out on it to come spend time with me. You have to go to practice," Kenma said through the phone to Kuroo, who was outside of the school gym. It was a little chilly, but of course Kuroo hadn't taken the time to put on a proper jacket. Why would he ever do something intelligent like that?

With a sigh, Kuroo kicked at the ground. "But we haven't spent time together in weeks! My practices always run late and I never get to see you anymore," Kuroo complained, feeling himself crumble a little. He definitely missed spending time with Kenma and he was starting to feel the anxieties of potentially losing Kenma as a friend. That was the absolute last thing that Kuroo needed in his life right now. He needed to keep Kenma around just to stop his anxieties and to stop the memories and fears of people leaving and abandoning him. That wasn't the only reason he liked to have Kenma round, but it was a big reason.

His mother had caused Kuroo to develop abandonment and trust issues. It was such a struggle for Kuroo to get through all of this on his own. He was always waiting for his mother to come back into his life and to leave him all alone again, with another damned excuse of why she disappointed him once again. It was the sad life Kuroo had lived, but he was just doing his best with the help of his dad and his grandparents.

It didn't help when Kenma wouldn't let Kuroo fall back into his old habits and abandon everything he was part of to be with the people he cared about. Kenma was trying to tell Kuroo that everything would be okay and that Kenma wasn't going to just abandon him. How could he when he was Kuroo's next door neighbor? "I'll ask my mom to come pick you up and take us for snacks. We can play that game and you can tell me about practice," Kenma said.

That was when Kuroo groaned and took a seat on the steps to the gymnasium. "I can't. I have a lot of history homework to do and I'm terrible with history," Kuroo mumbled as he looked towards some of his teammates approaching the gym. "But we have to see each other soon. I think I might perish if I don't get a chance to spend time with you really soon. It's not fair that we don't get to see each other anymore," Kuroo mumbled as he waved halfheartedly to some of his teammates.

When Kuroo listened to Kenma grumbling a bit, Kuroo knew that he was being too much and he knew that he had to figure out something for Kenma to cheer up. He didn't need to keep pushing Kenma away like this. What if Kenma actually dropped him? Told him that he didn't want to spend time with Kuroo anymore? "We will get to see each other soon enough. I'm coming to your game this weekend. I know you're not a starter, but I will still get to see you, yeah?" Kenma said softly.

After processing what Kenma had said, Kuroo's eyes lit up like crazy and he started to nod. That was when Kuroo realized that Kenma couldn't see him nodding, so he cleared his throat. "Yeah, and maybe our families can go out for dinner after! I'm looking forward to it. Unless you're just going to send me a letter and tell me why you couldn't make it."

Snorting, Kenma laughed a bit. "I still can't believe she's done that so many times. She's pathetic, Kuroo. You're better off without her here, you know that?" Kenma said.

Hearing what Kenma had to say, Kuroo went a little tense. Sure, Kuroo always badmouthed his mother in front of Kenma. Sure, Kuroo would laugh when Kenma did it sometimes. But he had to be careful about how much he did it, because sometimes Kuroo just couldn't handle all of this. Sometimes, Kuroo was okay with letting Kenma talk shit about his mother, but other times he really didn't want to hear how screwed up his life was and he longed to have a mother that was actually there for him. Sometimes, all of this became too stressful.

"I guess so, yeah," Kuroo murmured. "Alright, well, if you're not going to let me skip practice, then I guess that I should probably go get ready and stretch out. I'll see you at home. Bye, Ken," Kuroo said before he hung up, not exactly in the mood to get into a fight with his best friend at the moment. It was better that he hung up and go sulk while he played volleyball over getting into a fight with one of his few friends.

Everyone at the school was kind of afraid of Kuroo at the moment. His reputation from middle school had followed him, and he was struggling to make any other friends. Sure, they would include him when their teacher was watching them all. But the moment the teacher was busy elsewhere, they would exclude him and leave Kuroo all alone.

At the very least, Kuroo had his volleyball team to be there for him and to offer the superficial amounts of support they could offer to Kuroo, while he offered them support on superficial levels as well. They weren't exactly the best friends he could have, and Kuroo wished he was better at interactions with his older classmates. Honestly, he wished he could get to know and get close to people again. But really, Kuroo didn't need anyone other than Kenma in his life, so he never had to try. He didn't need to be close to anyone else he thought, so what was the point in trying?

The practice was long and exhausting, and Kuroo was just about done by the end. He had just had enough of being told what he was doing wrong and how he could improve, and he wanted to go home and sleep. Really, he wanted to go home and spend time with Kenma. It was odd that the two of them had become so close, but Kuroo wasn't going to question any of it. But unfortunately, he had his history homework to do still when he arrived at home and he knew that history was his absolute worst subject. He was good with science, math, and language arts. But anything to do with history and remembering facts of the past was hard. That might be because Kuroo did his best to block out all of his own past and those memories, or it could just be an excuse to get out of really trying and caring with history,

Either way, Kuroo eventually got home. When he entered the house, he was greeted by his father's work assistant, who was always so friendly and always so kind with him. But Kuroo had usually just brushed her off whenever she tried to make a nice gesture, or offered him things. He didn't need more disappointment in his life, so why let someone else in? All he needed was his dad and Kenma. Sure, his volleyball teammates were there for him too and he would occasionally let them see into his life, but that was it. He didn't need some other woman to intrude into his space and break him down again. That was the last thing he needed.

When she offered him something to eat, Kuroo sighed and said he would take it to his room, explaining that he had more than a bunch of history homework to get done. She only pouted, but agreed that he could eat in his room. His dad never had a problem with it as long as Kuroo brought the dishes back to the kitchen when he was done.

The moment Kuroo had gotten to his room, he had started to text Kenma, asking if they could at least video chat that night. He would feel a lot better if they had the opportunity to at least see one another that night. Kuroo would always deny it, but he definitely fell into the category of people that said that seeing is believing. There hadn't been anything yet that he couldn't see with his own eyes or have a formula for to know it was true. So, if he got to see Kenma for a little while, that would tell him that he really had nothing to worry over.

Once his phone vibrated with Kenma's answer, Kuroo was instantly on a video call with the boy. He went into great details about his practice, and he complained about school and his history homework. That was when there was a knock on the door and Kuroo looked up. "Uh... come in?" Kuroo said. His father had been knocking a little more frequently as of late, rather than just walking in without Kuroo's permission. That was definitely something that Kuroo appreciated as he was growing older.

That was when the door opened, and Kuroo kept his eyes down on his homework. "So I've reheated it for you, and I brought you some tea too. I wish you luck with your history homework. Let me know if you need any help?" It wasn't his dad that walked into his room and set the meal down on his desk. It was his dad's assistant. Now that Kuroo was a bit older, he had a feeling that the woman didn't come over all the time just to work on job related things. He knew that they were dating, even though his dad hadn't come out and said anything yet. She had been coming over to the apartment every few nights for about a month now, and she always had a meal with them.

Clearing his throat and giving her a half smile, Kuroo looked up to her. "Thanks, Yume. I will ask if I need help," Kuroo said as he turned back to his homework and she came up beside him. There was no way Kuroo was going to ask Yume for help, but he was just saying what she wanted to hear.

That was when she smiled and waved to Kenma. "Hey there, Kenma! It's nice to see you again. Will I see you and your parents at the volleyball game this weekend?" she asked, getting Kuroo to cringe a bit. But that was no matter, as he just kept his eyes down and just did his best to focus on his homework. She kept a schedule for Kuroo's father, so she definitely knew when Kuroo's games were and when his dad was meant to be there.

The thing was, Kuroo didn't know that she would be attending the game. "Yeah, we'll be there," Kenma said softly and with a nod. "Have a good night, Yume-san," Kenma said as he waved a little. Kuroo found himself distracted with his homework, just trying to block out everything going on around him at the moment.

Once Yume had left him and shut his door, Kuroo waited a few moments before he threw his head back and let out a groan. "Why is _she_ coming to my volleyball match? It's not like it's an important game, and I'm probably not even going to play! I only got moved up to the reserves this last month and I didn't play in our first match." Kuroo put his hands over his face as he groaned, wondering just how his life could possibly get more messed up.

A silence fell between the two boys, and Kuroo finally looked at Kenma, frowning just a bit to see why there was silence there. Kenma had a look of contemplation on his face, as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to say something or not. "Just say it," Kuroo mumbled as he went back to his homework, trying to get through something about an ancient war or something.

Fidgeting a bit, Kenma was never exactly shy about saying something to Kuroo. Honestly, Kuroo had to be the most likely person for Kenma to open up to. This was definitely not like the smaller boy, so that meant it had to be one of two things. One, Kenma was worried that it would upset Kuroo, or two, Kenma hadn't completely thought through what he was going to say. As Kenma took a breath, Kuroo was about to ask about what Kenma was going to say. "I don't think you're giving Yume-San a fair chance. I know that you had problems with your birth mom, but... is it really fair for you to keep dismissing her? You don't even know if she and your dad are dating yet," Kenma stated.

That was when Kuroo dropped his pen. He stared ahead at Kenma and he just blinked a bit. What in the world was Kenma saying? Was Kenma trying to say that Kuroo should let this woman into his life and get broken _again_? That wasn't going to happen. He wasn't even going to give someone a chance to try. "Why should I give her a chance? What would the point be?" Kuroo asked, staring ahead at Kenma and his eyes turned into a bit of a glare. "Do you want me to suffer more?" Kuroo asked in a low voice, filled with venom. Usually, Kuroo was never like this with Kenma. But right now, he really didn't see another way.

Shaking his head, Kenma let out a sigh. "No, Kuroo... I don't want you to suffer more. But not everyone is bad. Not everyone is as bad as your mother, and sometimes people actually care and want to make an effort. Sometimes... people really are just nice and they want to be a part of your life. I struggle with making friends myself, but you... people want to be your friend, they want to be part of your life, but you just don't see that. You close off to them so fast... It's a wonder that you're friends with anyone besides me."

It was times like this that Kuroo had realized just how good of a friend he had in Kenma. He knew that Kenma was only doing his best to look out for Kuroo. He knew that Kenma wanted the best for him. But sometimes, it hurt to hear the sound advice that Kenma had and it was almost always something to do with his mother. As Kuroo sighed and picked up his pen again, he thought about what Kenma said. "I just don't want to get hurt again... I don't want to let someone else in and trust them enough to not hurt me... I can't do that again, Kenma. I won't let myself get hurt again, and if that means pushing people away like Yume... that's the price I'll have to pay," Kuroo said quietly, turning his eyes down to his school work again.

Feeling another silent sigh come from Kenma, Kuroo bit his lip. "I'm sorry, Ken. I just... I can't let someone in. Not if they are going to hurt me..."

"But you let me in..." Kenma said quietly.

As Kuroo finished his sentence and moved to the next question, he shrugged a bit. "That was before my mom was really a problem. That was before I knew that people could be as awful as her..." Kuroo said.

Silence fell over the two boys again, and Kuroo looked back at the dinner on his desk, reaching for the chopsticks and starting to eat the food that was getting cold. He should have eaten it sooner than this, honestly. But there was nothing he could do about it now. "I'm done with my homework now. I'll talk to you again, probably at the match," Kuroo said as he waved to Kenma.

The two boys hung up and Kuroo finished up his meal, taking a breath and looking towards his homework that he lied about finishing. It was nearly done, but he still lied to Kenma. He really only lied because he could feel himself getting emotional about all of this, and he didn't want to cry in front of Kenma for the dozenth time. He really didn't need that again. He was also just avoiding a fight.

The things was, Kuroo had so many acquaintances at school that even just the prospect of not having someone there for him was laughable and comical to him. He would never not have someone there for him, just because he had so many people that liked him. Granted, he would never tell any of those individuals that they weren’t actually his friends. But they would always be there for him. They were friends on the surface anyway, just not on the level that Kenma or his father was. What was Kenma going on about with not having friends? Kuroo did have friends.

He really only had two friends. Kenma was one of them, and his dad was the other. That was it. He never cared to have more than that in his life because he never trusted anyone to get close enough to ever try. The others were all just acquaintances if he was being honest, but he wouldn't say that to anyone's face.

He didn’t want to give anyone the chance to hurt him again.

That was exactly why whenever his dad had a new person over, whenever he knew his dad had a woman over for some company, he really didn't pay them any attention. Kuroo just brushed them off and he knew they would be gone in a few nights. Now, Yume hadn't been just a one night stand for his father. She had been coming by for a few months now, and things seemed to be getting a little more on the personal side for his father and Yume. But Kuroo was just waiting for the day that Yume had walked away and left the two of them. It always happened.

When a knock sounded at the door, Kuroo looked up from the last question he had of his homework and he felt like he recognized the fact that it wasn't a very gentle knock and it sounded more like his father. "Yeah?" Kuroo asked. As the door opened, Kuroo smiled to his father, who smiled back to him. "Hey dad, what's up?" Kuroo asked before looking back down to his history work.

As his dad came inside and took a seat on the bed, he let out a bit of a sigh. "How was practice? Do you feel ready for this next game? Isn't it just a practice match? I thought the serious games didn't happen for another month or so," his dad asked.

Tetsurou finished up his question and he hummed a bit. "Yeah, it's just a practice match. But they will have people in the stands to make it feel like a real game. So we are just practicing for inter high right now," Kuroo said when he turned to look at his father after he finally finished up his history homework. He wasn't going to fall behind and be moved to a lower class in his second year of high school. How embarrassing would that be?

His father nodded and he smiled to his son. "Well I'm glad you've stuck with if for this long. You did great in middle school, so I can't imagine you doing any worse in high school. Even if you don't play, you'll still be there to support your team and that's awesome," his dad said and Tetsurou nodded as he licked his lips. Kuroo desperately wanted to ask his dad why Yume was coming to the game, but the question got stuck in his throat. "This game was actually something I wanted to talk to you about. Are you okay if I bring Yume to the game? She doesn't have to come, but I invited her and was hoping you would be okay with her attending the match."

There it was. That was his father asking permission to have her attend the game. It wasn't like Tetsurou could tell his dad that she couldn't come now, especially since he had already invited her. It was just confusing why she was coming in the first place or why he wanted her there. "I guess she can... yeah. Is she going to be spending a lot of time with us?" Tetsurou asked, spinning in his chair and leaning his head back.

A hum made its way out of his dad's mouth. "Uh... so that was something else I was going to mention to you. Yume and myself are actually... dating, son. I know this isn't the right way to bring it up, and it's unfortunate of me to bring it up when it's been a while, but she and I have been dating for three weeks now. I didn't want to tell you yet because we weren't sure that it was going to work out. But... It seems like it might work out, and I'd like to keep her around for a while," he said, his eyes looking for approval from his son.

"Oh. Okay... you're dating her. I'm glad you've found some happiness dad, I just hope that it works out for you this time and things don't go wrong," Tetsurou said. He looked away and he bit the inside of his lip, biting light enough that nothing would happen, but hard enough that even a tiny bit more would cause him to bleed.

It was a very mature thing for Tetsurou to say, and his father noticed that. "I appreciate that, definitely. But you know, I want you to try a little harder with her, now that I've told you we are dating. She's gone home for the night, but it would be nice of you to give her more of a chance. She doesn't mean harm or anything, and she really does care. So please, cut her a little slack and let her in a little more," the older man said as he gave his son a half smile.

Kuroo never figured he would have to listen to his dad say that he needed to try harder to let people in. Wasn't it his dad who was hurt the worst when his wife, or Kuroo's mom, walked away and actually cheated on him?

Sighing, Tetsurou looked at his dad and shrugged. "Sure, I'll try a little harder for you. I just hope it works out," he said in a soft, rather glum voice. His father could tell that he was upset with this and he really didn't want to try. But hopefully, Yume would help him change his mind and she would be good for Kuroo to have around. Tetsurou wouldn't know until he tried, though.

It was after that conversation in the following days that Kuroo had found himself worrying over the whole situation just a little more. He was distracted in school, he was more on edge lately, and things were just very rigid around him. Kenma even surprised him at the end of one of his practices before the game that weekend, but Kuroo just couldn't seem to focus on anything other than the possibility of Yume hurting him, so the surprise was a bit of a waste. Yume was nothing but nice to Kuroo though, and Kuroo supposed that he could at least try to let her in a little closer than he had been trying.

Finally, Kuroo had offered the woman a smile and he started to eat dinner with her and his dad, and things were kind of nice. Sure, they were a little stiff and the conversations were hardly anything that Kuroo would consider to be real, but at least Yume seemed to be happy about all of this. "Hey, so are you ready to see some of the best volleyball you've seen?" Kuroo asked, trying to talk to Yume as they ate dinner. They were having dinner late, since Kuroo had just gotten home from his last practice before his practice match.

Nodding, Yume turned her full attention to Kuroo and hummed for a moment. "I can't wait, Tetsurou. You'll have to give me lessons on the sport. I will be more than glad to listen about how you play volleyball and more about the game play. Your dad has tried to explain it to me, but it's hard to follow along when I'm not actually watching the game right in front of me. You might have to explain it to me and show me how it's done," Yume said before she went to pick up her chopsticks again and started to eat once more.

That idea actually made Kuroo smile a little, and he looked down at his food. He would show her eventually, he was sure. His subconscious mind was fighting against him a bit and telling him that letting all of this happen wasn't a good thing. But what could be bad about letting Yume see just how the sport was done? He didn't see how bonding over a sport could be dangerous.

After dinner, Yume and Tetsurou had gone to his room so he could work on one of his homework assignments while he talked to her about volleyball. "So yeah, the first team to get to twenty five points wins the set. And the first team to win two sets wins the match," Kuroo said before he wrote down something for his science homework. It was super easy stuff and it wasn't due until Monday. Kuroo was just aware that he had a pretty full weekend as it was, so he wanted to get ahead now. Kuroo was usually very good at keeping up. His father had instilled that in him at a young age.

Yume let out an exasperated sound and she stared straight ahead at Kuroo. "How do you keep playing and jumping for that long? You have to have a lot of endurance for all of this!" she said. It caused Kuroo to smile a bit, and he looked down at his work again.

"Yeah, we all do have a ton of endurance, but we have to have endurance so we can win," Kuroo said with a smile as he looked back at his assignment. It felt nice to have Yume asking him questions about volleyball. It was nice that she was just so interested in something that he was involved in. He knew that Yume was probably faking it, but it was nice that she could pretend to be interested in something for him.

Shaking her head was what got Kuroo to look back to her again. "I don't know how you do it. Oh, so hey! I have this cat back at my apartment, and I thought maybe you would like to meet her? She's super nice, but she has her moments where she is just... well, you'll understand if you meet her. Do you want me to bring her by one night?" Yume asked. There was a smile upon her lips, and she looked rather hopeful at that moment.

How could Tetsurou turn down an offer like that? He adored animals. Cats in particular were something he adored and he longed to see one, he longed to pet and hold one, to let one sit on his lap and curl up against him. "Oh, uh... yeah, if you don't mind. So sure, Yume-San. I would love if you brought her over," Tetsurou said, a grin growing on his face.

This was a very dangerous game for Tetsurou to be playing. His subconscious was warning him against all of this and trying to keep his walls up. But there was a part of him that told him that he really had to do this, for his father, and there was something in him that said that maybe it wouldn't be bad. He was taking his chances, that was for sure. "That's great! I'll ask your dad when I can bring her over, okay? I'm so excited for your game. I can't wait to see your team score all the points. And you know what? I have a good feeling about this game. Maybe you'll get to play!" Yume seemed to be a little too excited, but Tetsurou found it encouraging enough.

When Yume stood up and started her way towards the door, she smiled back to Tetsurou, who seemed to just be smiling down to his homework. "Have a nice night, Tetsurou. Sweet dreams," she said as she left.

"You as well, Yume-San!" Kuroo called out to her as he smiled to his homework and just kept working on it. It was dangerous for Kuroo to get at all excited about this, about anything to do with this, really. He really should try to control himself a little more. He knew he would get hurt.

Hurt was all he got when he waited by the entrance to the gym for his dad to show up. He knew his dad would never miss a match even if it was just a practice match, but the hope was that Yume would be there with him this time around. He was just hoping to let Yume into his life and not completely tear apart his heart. He was hoping that he would get the chance to heal from all of this drama with his birth mother finally and he was just hoping that he would get to learn and experience for himself that not all people who came into his life were bad and not everyone was going to leave him or abandon him to feel the utter disappointment.

As Kuroo turned around and he went to walk back to the locker room, he sighed and looked down to the ground. He really needed to start getting ready. He really needed to go back and join his team. He probably wasn't going to play anyway, so what was the point of getting energetic and warming up? He didn't know and he certainly didn't care at the moment.

The very moment he turned and took three steps was when he heard a voice call his name. "Tetsurou! Hey, I'm not late am I?" the woman called out. Kuroo turned and saw a woman coming inside, one that was carrying a familiar bag and it brought a smile to Kuroo's face, one where tears were starting to well up very lightly.

Shaking his head, Kuroo sniffled a bit. "You're actually just on time. Where's dad?" he asked as he looked around her towards the door. But no one else seemed to be coming inside.

"Oh, he is going to be a little late! He got caught up at work and he is just finishing up things. He is probably on his way right now. I just wanted to be here for you. I'll go up to the stands now. Good luck, Tetsurou!" she said and she waved him off as she climbed her way up to the stands.

Even though his dad was late, he knew that his dad never missed anything this important to him. Granted, he did tell his dad that it wasn't very serious that he attended. But his dad knew better than that. Either way though, Kuroo was just glad that Yume actually showed up when she said she would. It caused his fifteen year old heart to grow a bit more fond of her.

That wasn't the last promise she had kept either. She promised to come to the next actual match, she promised to attend his science league competition, Yume promised to take him to dinner every other week, and she promised to bring her cat over to the apartment more often. Eventually, the cat had been living at the apartment, and Yume was moving all of her things in. All of the promises she made, she actually kept.

It was starting to work out in Kuroo's brain. When she missed something after another few months, Kuroo felt himself start to get emotional until halfway through when she had jumped on a video call with him and she had sounded and looked very sick. She could hardly speak it seemed, so Kuroo gave her a pass and decided that it was okay that she broke this one promise, because it was a very good reason. This was the first thing she had missed, so he decided he wouldn't worry about it.

When he held his breath over if she was going to keep up her next promise, he was pleasantly surprised that she kept the promise and she went above and beyond to keep the promise and make it even better. It seemed that Kuroo could really trust this woman, so he was finally letting himself open up to Yume just a little more.

Finally, when it was time for Kenma to join him on the Nekoma team when another year had passed by, he seemed to be doing better than ever. Sure, it was still a little rough having to fill Yume in on everything and explain how things were in his life before, but she never pushed him, and Yume was always so supportive. It was going so well that Kenma seemed to notice too. "Is she going to be your new mom?" Kenma asked one day as they sat in Kenma's room.

The two boys were working on homework together and Kuroo was helping Kenma with his math while Kenma gave Kuroo advice on his essays for language arts. But when Kuroo looked up to Kenma's question, he had to pause to think. "Oh, uh... I hope she will be? But my dad hasn't asked her to marry him yet, so we shall see if he asks her. He'd be stupid not to ask her though, right? She's good for both of us. Like, definitely good for the both of us now that she's been in our lives for a while. It's been almost a year too," Kuroo said as he went back to his homework.

Things really were good in Kuroo's world at the moment and he had forgotten all of his old troubles as of late. The only time he ever thought of his mother was when he was comparing his mother to Yume. Yume had been doing much better in the department of being there and supporting him, so he was definitely rooting for Yume to continue being there for him.

After those first few months, Kuroo had just completely forgotten about his own mother, until one day in particular. He had just come home, he had no practice, and he was ready to do his homework and have a fun night with his family and Kenma's family. They were having a get together tonight, which would be awesome.

As he walked through the door, he wasn't expecting anyone to be home, he just wasn't paying attention to the cars parked out front of the apartment and he really didn't care about them. But when he came inside, there were definitely two women standing there in the kitchen.

"He doesn't have to come back to you or let you back into his life," one voice said, and Kuroo immediately recognized it to be Yume. He rose an eyebrow and tried to imagine what they were talking about. It really wasn't doing any good.

When the other woman made a large sigh, Kuroo bit his lip. She looked rather familiar from the back that he could see, but things weren't coming back to mind. They were all being blocked out and Kuroo was more than okay with that right now. If it was being blocked out in his mind, he really didn't have a need to remember any of this, did he? "You're not his mother, though. Why should he let you in?"

That voice sounded far too familiar, and that was when Kuroo's barriers in his brain started to fall down. Was it really her? Did she come back? This really wasn't fair at all, Kuroo thought as he blinked back the forming tears. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've been here for him over the last few months and I don't plan on just abandoning him?" Yume said.

Right then though, the other woman turned around. Kuroo tensed up and stared ahead, watching the face of surprise come to her features. "Oh good, there you are Kuroo! Wow, you've grown so much bigger," she said as she looked him over. Kuroo was taller than her now.

The other woman was his mother.

Kuroo cleared his throat and went to say something. "Yume-San has been here for me. You on the other hand... you were never there for me," Kuroo said as he started to walk towards Yume, reaching out for her arm. "Why are you here? We have nothing left to give you and I am not going to be responsible for letting you break something else." Kuroo knew that whatever came out of his mouth wasn't worded properly at that given moment, but he really just couldn't care. He knew his mother would understand what he was trying to say. He didn't need to explain it further with the tone he had to his voice.

As she pushed her straight, black hair to one side, her face twisted into one of confusion. "I'm not here to break anything, silly. I'm here to take you out to dinner, to celebrate your team going to inter high the last season. I was there, if you didn't know," she said, making a face to Yume, who had scowled right back to her. "I got to see you play and you had some really good shut outs," his mother had said.

That was when it hit him. How did his mother know any of this terminology? How did she know what a shutout was? Had she really been watching him this whole time? Had she done her research? Was she actually trying to find a way back in? "That's because I practice and I'm a middle blocker. But how did you get to see me play? I didn't invite you... are you stalking me?" Kuroo asked, a little nervous to hear the answer.

When a dry laugh left his mother's throat, she shook her head. "I don't think a woman can stalk her own son. Not in this sit-"

"They absolutely can! That's what you've been doing. I'm not going to ask you again, so you need to leave before I call the cops," Yume said as she held up her phone. As Kuroo looked back to her in surprise, he could tell that she was serous about this whole thing. She was definitely ready to call the police on Tetsurou's mother.

The room tensed up a little bit and Kuroo looked back to his mom, whose face had dropped down and looked towards her shoes. "Okay, I get it. Are you going to let me celebrate with you though, baby Tetsu? You can fill me in, too. There's so much that I need to catch up on," she said as she glanced up to look at her son.

All he did was shake his head. "You've done nothing but disappoint me my entire life. You've done nothing but take from me and break me when you come, so why should I give you a chance to redeem yourself?" Kuroo asked as he narrowed his gaze towards her and he took a strong, harsh stance against her. "You are no longer welcome here, and I don't want to see you again. Go back to whatever life you came from and screw up someone else's world. But stay away from my world," Kuroo said.

Finally, his mother seemed to get it. She let out a sigh and she reached to set a letter on the coffee table. "I'll be going, then. Have a nice night," his mother said as she took her leave. When the door shut, Kuroo looked towards the letter and it was addressed to his father.

Yume took a deep breath. "You've mentioned that she can be bad, but I didn't know just how terrible she really was," Yume said as Kuroo glanced at the envelope. He lifted it up to the light, and it seemed that there was a letter and a check inside. Kuroo was unaware, but his mother paid child support every month, so that was what was in the envelope. "That's for your dad, so maybe we should leave it here for him, yeah?" She suggested as she reached to take the envelope.

When she got close enough, Kuroo reached over and wrapped his arms around her, crushing the woman to his chest. "Thank you... for standing with me... Why was she here anyway? Just to drop this off?" Kuroo asked as he set the letter down and finally pulled back from Yume, who looked a bit flustered.

Taking a breath, she seemed to shrug a bit. "I guess so? She was putting that in the mailbox when I showed up. Your dad has another long day at work, so it's just going to be the two of us for now," Yume said as she looked back down at the envelope. "I'm happy that your dad got you out of this, but I'm just sad that it has to be like this. I'm sad that you've had to have such a... witch for a mother," Yume said. It was easy to tell that she had been contemplating her words right then, but Kuroo really didn't mind if she had other words to say that were harsher, especially if the words were against his mother.

That was when Kuroo shrugged. "Well, if she wasn't so terrible, my dad and I wouldn't get to have you around. We like having you around," Kuroo said with a bit of a smile. "Are you staying over again? You really should just move in officially. We can play that game you wanted to try," Kuroo suggested.

But the smile on Yume's face faltered right then. "Oh, no, I can't stay tonight. My father is having health issues, and I have to make a trip to go see him tomorrow, so I have to be up early tomorrow morning. But I will be staying until your dad gets home so we can have dinner together. That sound alright?" Yume said as she gave Kuroo an awkward smile.

Something about this situation felt off. "That's fine. I hope your father gets well enough soon. I don't know what I would do without my dad," Kuroo said. He took a seat at the table and started to pull out his homework. As he got it all out, Yume went to the fridge to pull things out for dinner.

It was only a little while longer before his dad got home. He saw the letter from Tetsurou's mother on the counter and he opened it up, letting out a bit of a laugh. "She's a piece of work," he said before he dropped the letter on the counter once more.

Sundae, Yume's cat, had come over to the table and she took a seat right by Tetsurou's feet as he worked. The cat and Tetsu had really hit it off it seemed, and Kuroo was just glad to have a cat around in his life. He reached down to pet the cat's head, smiling to her before he heard a crash in the kitchen. "Yume? Dad?" Kuroo called out as he stood up, going to see what had happened.

Yume had just dropped a dish onto the ground, and Kuroo frowned a bit, wondering how long dinner would take now. But Tetsurou was also just glad that no one got hurt.

Things continued to go back to being normal. It was like this for a few weeks, but Kuroo had noticed that Yume seemed to be dropping things more often, seemed to be forgetting things, and everything just felt so very different when she was around. It wasn't normal, Kuroo thought. Yume was never this forgetful and clumsy.

It definitely was not normal to see her hands shaking as she wrote something down for work when she sat down at the desk a week or so later. It was a very odd thing to see, as well as seeing her have to focus on carrying even small things a little more, because her hands were shaking even then. But Kuroo just went on as normal and his father seemed to let things slide for a little while longer. If his dad wasn't worried, why should he be worried?

Really, nothing else had gone wrong other than Tetsurou's mother stopping by, and Yume getting a little more shaky. Things continued like this for another two months, with Yume becoming a bit more shaky by the day, and nobody really seemed to say anything to her about it. They just figured that she would say something if she noticed it to be a problem.

As Kuroo came home from another long day of practice, he walked inside and heard Yume and his father talking in the living room. It sounded like a serious conversation, so he really didn't want to interrupt them. He didn't have any clue what they were talking about, so he wouldn't intrude. He just hoped that everything was okay.

Unfortunately, things were definitely not okay. Dinner that night was quiet, even when Tetsurou tried to talk and start a conversation. Yume excused herself and went to his dad's bedroom. She had moved in most of her stuff, so she really had been officially living with the other two even though she still had her own apartment. Kuroo liked having Yume in the house because his grandparents had moved into a retirement village, and it had just been himself and his father for the longest time. Tetsu definitely liked having Yume around, so it wasn't as quiet.

When Yume went to the bedroom, Tetsu looked up to his father. "Is she okay, dad?" he asked with a very worried expression on his face. When his father sighed, Kuroo already knew the answer.

"No, she's not. She hasn't made the decision just yet, but... Actually, I should let her tell you this. It's her news, so I don't want to tell you if she isn't ready to tell you," his father said and looked away from his son.

This definitely did not sound good, but Tetsurou would get to hear the news eventually.

But hearing the news with his own two ears was something he never got to do. He got the news in a letter one night when he came home from volleyball practice.

_Dear Tetsurou,_

_It's Yume, and I desperately want to apologize to you and your father. I've left him a letter as well, but I just wanted to explain this to you in your own letter. I know that leaving a letter is very impersonal, but I was running out of time and I waited too long to tell you. That is absolutely my fault and I take all of the blame. I am a bad woman._

_Anyway, I wanted to make this very clear to you. I care about you very much and I wanted to stay. I desperately wanted to be part of your life and be a part of your dad's life. None of this is your fault. Not one single part of this is to be blamed on you. But right now, I am not able to stay. I have to leave and as much as I want to stay, I don't want you or your dad to get too attached to me at the moment. It hurts too much to know that I'd be hurting you._

_Tetsurou, dear, I have developed an illness that will take my life from me in a few years. I have decided to part ways from you and your father so you two can go on living your lives and don't have to worry about mine, as it won't be much of a life when my time is up. I am moving to an assisted living community, where there will be medical staff there to help me as I go through my last few years of life._

_I never wanted to leave you and your father. After everything the two of you have been through, it pains me to have to leave. But you know something? I promise to stay out of your life now that I am gone. I promise to not try to come back without permission and I will never hurt you the way that you've already been hurt. You are so very strong and you've already been hurt enough. This is why I am leaving. I do not want to cause more hurt. I know it will hurt for a while, as I know it hurts me. I'm sure you feel about the same way._

_Something I was never able to say to you was that I love you. Tetsu, I love you and I care for you so much. You will always be in my heart and you have definitely given me the happy, lasting memories that will carry me through my final days. Now, please don't try to find me and focus on your own life, one that I hope will continue to be great for you. I haven't told your dad where I am going, just so the two of you can move on with your lives and not worry about me. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live your life to the fullest, so if I were to stick around, that would not be possible._

_Thank you for including me in your life. My own life has become so much better now that I've been a part of your life. You are so very kind, and I will be happy for my life to end, knowing that I've been able to be with you and your dad. Do your best in volleyball and your studies. You're a great son, and you deserve it all._

_Love, Yume_

_PS, I have decided to leave Sundae there with you. Your dad already knows and agreed to take her in. She seemed to really hit it off with you and I want her to go to a good owner, since animals for pets are not allowed in the assisted living community. I hope she won't be too much trouble for you. She seems to really love you._

It was a long letter, one that was stretched out onto two pages. Kuroo wouldn't bother reading through it again, because he knew it wouldn't change anything. He didn't realize that tears had started to drip down his face and onto the table. One had hit the letter, and Kuroo went to rub viciously at his eyes to get the tears to disappear.

Would anything good ever happen to him? Would he ever get to keep anything good in his life? Or would all of it just turn out to be bad for him and he wouldn't ever get the chance to find happiness?

Tetsurou took a breath and he felt a pressure against his legs. When he looked down, Kuroo realized it was Sundae. Kuroo reached down to lift her up and hold her, which Sundae did appreciate, curling against Kuroo's chest.

Nothing would ever be good in his life, it seemed. Kuroo was desperate to go talk to his dad about this, so as he started to walk around the house to find his dad, he realized that he had to be in his room. There was no other place. As he walked towards the bedroom, Kuroo froze when he heard the sounds of sniffling and broken breathing. His dad was crying. That was when Kuroo realized that maybe his dad needed some alone time, so he went to his room to go text Kenma about all of it.

None of this was fair. None of this made any sense. Kuroo just wished that life would stop handing him a bad hand and would finally give his father and himself something good. It wasn't likely to happen, but there was really only one way to go now. He was already at the very bottom, at least in his privileged life. How could it possibly get worse?

Kuroo could only go up from here. He was waiting for the good things to finally start happening.


	4. Will It Ever Change?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy KurooTsukki day! While I didn’t plan on posting this fic chapter today, it just lined up that way.
> 
> I'm sorry for the wait on this! I have just been so busy lately, but it's finally here! I do hope that you will enjoy this chapter. Although this fic is very angsty, it is my gift to you guys on KurooTsukki day! 01/11!
> 
> By the way, this fic is canon divergent. I will do my best to follow along with the plot of canon, but there are definitely going to be some changes. Any changes made are for the plot of my story to be as smooth as possible. Thank you!

The next year and a half had to be about the most faked, most uneventful time span that Kuroo had ever faced. But really, Kuroo had kind of done it to himself. He couldn't place the blame on anyone other than him, because in all honesty, everyone around Kuroo was trying to give him something eventful to focus on. They were really trying, but Kuroo wasn't putting any effort in. He didn't want to be distracted. He didn't want anything to feel more real, because it was all fake.

All of his smiles were faked. All of his laughs were dry and lacked energy. Everything about Kuroo at the moment was very monotone and he didn't want to try to make it any better. The thing was, only two people knew that he was faking his emotions. Other than those two people, no one knew that Kuroo’s personality and emotions weren’t real.

The thing was though, Kuroo was hesitant to open up to someone to show them his real self. If he was going to go through heartbreak after heartbreak, he would continue to close himself off and not let anyone in to try to fix what was already broken. The last thing he needed was another person to come into his life and leave him broken when they were done. Sure, Yume-San didn’t do anything wrong and there was nothing selfish about what she did, but Kuroo honestly just saw it as another person that abandoned him.

For the next year and a half after Yume, though, Kuroo honestly just was not hopeful that someone was going to come into his life and not hurt him. But people certainly tried. It was Kenma who had noted and mentioned that Kuroo was locked up and wouldn't let people in. But it was true, so why would Kuroo try to tell Kenma that he wasn't doing exactly that?

After a particularly long day at school, where his chemistry experiment literally blew up in his face and made his hair even worse than it always was, Kuroo had gone home and to his room to let out a sigh. It was a frustrating day of faking smiles and laughs so people would just leave him alone. A few months ago, he had learned the hard way that he would have to continue to fake his way through everything he did.

That few months prior, Kuroo had let himself be how he normally was around Kozume and his father, with his very emotional and moody self and throwing fits whenever something didn't go his way or crying meltdowns when something reminded him of how bad his life was. The couple of years had made this easier, but he still had moments where he reverted back, like that one day three months ago. He just let himself go and didn't care when people came asking if he was okay or not. He just didn't care anymore that day, and no one seemed to understand.

Unfortunately, the school caught wind of something being wrong and they sent Kuroo home, because he was a disturbance to the rest of his classes and they said he needed to come back in a better mood. They called his father and his dad gave him a lecture about behaving properly at school. At home, his father didn't care, but at school and where the rest of the world could see him, his father was going to be strict about. No one else needed to know about Kuroo’s personal life.

In the present, Kuroo went to his room to clean the smudges off his face and he ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. When his laptop started to make noise and signal that he had a new video call coming in, Kuroo rose an eyebrow. Kenma literally saw him just an hour ago. So what exactly was he calling Kuroo for now?

That was when Kuroo realized that it wasn't Kenma calling him. The screenname “Broku” appeared to indicate that it wasn’t Kenma. It was a nickname that Bokuto Koutarou had given himself and Kuroo thought it was pretty dumb. But if he liked it, who was Kuroo to judge it?

Answering the call, Kuroo stood up from his chair and he sighed gently as he went to go change out of his school uniform. He would at least have to wear a different shirt tomorrow, because the science experiment was evident all over the current school shirt.

Bokuto was another person that Kuroo had started to let his guard down around. The two of them met through volleyball and even though they went to different schools and Bokuto claimed that his school was the best, Kuroo still found himself letting his guard down around the boy and they had somehow become close. It was fate. "Hey! I heard you set the school on fire today," Bokuto said with one of his booming laughs following what he had said.

With a groan, it was obvious that Kuroo didn't find any of this funny. Bokuto had to be talking about Kuroo's failed science experiment. "How did you even hear about that? Was Kenma texting you or something?" Kuroo asked as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it into the dirty clothes pile. He looked back at Bokuto, who had been stuffing his face with some sort of dessert at that moment. It looked like a pastry. Kuroo wouldn’t pretend to understand the biology behind how Bokuto kept in shape and his muscular physique while eating so much. He was a science man, but Bokuto ate way too much for even someone as active as himself.

Yet another booming laugh came out from Bokuto's mouth and he shook his head. "Do you really think Kenma willingly texts me? No, it wasn't Kenma. But you really must have messed up, especially because you're such a science geek and you usually know exactly what you are doing," Bokuto said with a grin.

Finally pulling a new shirt over his head, Kuroo came back over to his desk chair and took a seat, leaning back in his chair and letting his head fall over the back, groaning again. "Kenma doesn't willingly text anyone except for me, and even I sometimes have to coax him into responding to me. Anyway, that still doesn't answer my question. Who told you about my accident in chem today?" Kuroo asked again, looking back up at Bokuto.

It seemed as though Bokuto was in a teasing mood, because he smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Wouldn't you like to know?" Bokuto asked with a grin still on his face. This was not the time to play games with Kuroo. He was about to end the call when Bokuto finally gave him a response. "It was Lev. He texts me all the time. You need to control your team a little better, bro, especially if they keep texting your rival's captain."

"Well, I might not have to worry about Lev anymore, since Lev might not be living in Japan for much longer. He’s going back home to visit for two weeks and he might be moving there too," Kuroo said as he thought about his conversation with Lev and the coach. The coach said he might not have a spot on the team when he came back, but Kuroo pulled him aside and told him not to worry, they wouldn't just give his position away.

Snorting, Bokuto continued to eat whatever it was he was eating. He then made a sound to tell Kuroo that he had something he needed to say, and Kuroo eyed Bokuto and urged him to continue eating and swallow. "So, you have that practice match with that team... They're your fallen rivals, aren't they? Karasuno or something? Are you excited for that? It will be the end of the training camp, won't it?" Bokuto asked as he waggled his brow a bit.

Kuroo had to figure out how Bokuto managed to remember everything about Kuroo, but couldn’t remember to do his homework. With a sigh, Kuroo sat up a little. "Yeah, I guess they used to be. But they've fallen from their glory I've heard. It's a real shame, because I've heard they have one of the best liberos on their team, and they have some interesting first years that could either be really good or really bad for them," Kuroo said with a shrug. “I heard it from our coach, anyway.”

After a little while, Bokuto nodded. He was clearly in thought and he had obviously wanted to say something. "Well, either way, they are still going to be fun to play against. I'm surprised you don't have practice right now. I don't have practice because our coach was sick today and the gym floors are being redone," Bokuto said. "I gave everyone the day off but told them they'd better get some sort of cardio in. I have to go do two laps around my block. Want to come join me?" Bokuto asked.

It would definitely be a decent offer, but Bokuto would want to race, and Kuroo would agree to it and lose just because he was racing Bokuto. It was never fun when Bokuto wanted to race. "I might pass, man. My team still has practice, but my coach took one look at me and told me to go home, because he saw how much of a mess I was," Kuroo said with a shrug. Really, Kuroo normally cared about missing practice, but after the day he had been through, he just couldn’t bring himself to care too much.

When Bokuto looked at him, he frowned a bit. "Your training camp is this weekend, right? We gotta get you cheered up before then, bro! You have to be cheered up because you are going to get a look at the potential rivals we will have for this season and then we can discuss it all when you get back. You’re also going to see what Karasuno looks like, so even more potential rivals for us,” Bokuto said.

In all honesty, Bokuto just had far too much energy for Kuroo right then. But Kuroo had learned how to manage this over the last few months. "What did you really want to call me about? It couldn't have been to just talk about the training camp I have coming up. No qualifying matches," Kuroo said. He leaned his head into his palm, putting his elbow on the desk and balancing his head there. "What did you really want from me?" Kuroo asked with a raised eyebrow.

That was when Bokuto froze up a bit and he started to gnaw on his lower lip. He wouldn't make eye contact with Kuroo, so that told Kuroo that he really did have something he wanted to talk about. "So you know... You know how you told me if I ever needed anything I could come to you? You know how you said I could ask anything from you?" Bokuto asked.

There was definitely confusion all over Kuroo's face. It wasn't like Bokuto to be so hesitant to ask Kuroo something or to tell him anything at all. Something was definitely wrong. "Yeah? What do you need, Bokuto?" Kuroo asked as he sat up, keeping his eyes on Bokuto and trying to determine just what it was that Bokuto was going to ask. It was probably going to be something stupid.

With a breath, Bokuto stopped biting his lips. "Well, uh... So you know Akaashi? Our setter?" Bokuto asked as he looked back up to Kuroo with a tilted head. His face seemed to be flushing at the given moment. Kuroo was getting a little more concerned at how Bokuto had approached this whole thing, and a whole slew of questions started to form in his head about what had happened to Akaashi.

Nodding slowly, Kuroo narrowed his gaze and kept the same confusion on his face, because he didn't know what Bokuto was going to throw at him. "I do, what's wrong with him?" Kuroo asked slowly.

"Nothing is wrong with him! Nothing at all, I just... so remember how I told you I overheard how he was talking to someone about how he wasn't sure he was straight? Well, I think I know why that got to me so much now..." Bokuto said. His face was getting redder and brighter by the second.

Catching on, Kuroo started to smile. Bokuto could tell that Kuroo was starting to get it, because Bokuto’s eyes started to go wide. “So, Bokuto… Tell me. When are you going to ask him out?” Bokuto had to be crushing pretty hard for him to get this worked up about it and for him to bother telling Kuroo.

Letting out a sound of exasperation, Bokuto groaned to himself and Kuroo started to chuckle. "I don't... Okay, so I do want to ask him, but what if he says no? It will become so awkward between us! We have to see each other so often and... and I don't know if I can just... He's so smart, and he's so hot, Kuroo!"

With a whine, Bokuto threw his head back and put his hand over his face. Kuroo started to laugh and smile at the situation his best friend was in. While Kenma was his best friend as well, Bokuto had definitely taken a position as best friend for Kuroo. “Ask him soon. You want to know if you two work out before you’re done with school, because he’s a second year and you’re a third,” Kuroo noted.

He did have a point, and Bokuto had to know it. But he was just going to suffer in his own agony at the moment. "Does it really have to be soon? I would rather it been later...If he says no, I will be a mess and it will be so weird between us on the court," Bokuto said sadly. He had the saddest eyes that Kuroo had ever seen, and he shook his head to Bokuto right then.

"You will never know if you don't ask him though. You should ask him sooner rather than later, really," Kuroo said as he took a breath. This was definitely something good to be focused on at the given moment, so Kuroo was thankful that Bokuto had his own drama to let Kuroo focus on.

With a sigh, Bokuto seemed to be defeated and he threw his hands up. "Fine, I'll talk to him about this soon. I don't like it, but you know what? I don't have to like it and I don't have to want this," Bokuto said.

Shaking his head, Kuroo smiled to Bokuto. "Of course you want this. If Akaashi says yes when you ask him out, you'll be the happiest owl I have ever seen. You're a damned fool," Kuroo said with a bit of a laugh. Kuroo closed his eyes. The two boys sat in silence for a moment and Kuroo started to think about the homework he still had to do.

That was when Bokuto cleared his throat. "So hey, about coming out to run with me. You're definitely coming. You have to be in a good mood for this weekend too. What better way to get in a good mood than to run with your best friend in the whole world?" Bokuto asked teasingly, in his own Bokuto way.

It was kind of cute that Bokuto was claiming the spot of Kuroo's best friend. He knew it was true, and Kuroo wasn't going to argue with him over it. But it was just the fact that he was saying it so proudly and it made Kuroo smile a little. Kenma was the only one who Bokuto had competition with there. "If I come, it can’t be a race. I just don’t want to deal with that," Kuroo said. It was just the truth of the matter at hand. Kuroo didn't feel like losing yet another race to Bokuto. He just wasn't in the correct mood.

Contemplation had started to come over Bokuto's face and he hummed a bit. "We don't have to race. We're just going for a run. Come on, bro. If you don’t come now, I’m going to come at six in the morning to make you run with me," Bokuto said with a grin. The thing was, Kuroo knew that Bokuto wasn't kidding about coming over at six in the morning. It wasn't the first time he had made a promise like that and followed through it. So he didn't want to challenge Bokuto.

Sighing, Kuroo knew that he wasn't getting out of this. "Okay, okay. I will come running with you now. No races, and no coming over at six tomorrow morning," Kuroo warned. "I'll be ready in a half hour," Kuroo said before he hung up the call.

That was when he went to go get ready for going for a run. Really, all he had to do was change into sweatpants and throw on a sweatshirt, so it wouldn't take him a half hour. Bokuto would be over in twenty minutes regardless, so it's not like it really mattered. Kuroo took a breath and got changed, wondering just how much longer he had and if he had enough time to organize the box he had that was sitting on his dresser, the one that had the letters and trinkets from his mother, and where he had put the letter with Yume-San. There were letters outside of the box, so he wanted to organize it a bit. But he decided he wouldn’t have enough time, so he just slipped the other letters into the box that belonged in there.

It was only fifteen minutes later when there was a knock at the door. Going to pull the door open, Kuroo saw Bokuto's funky, spiky hair through the door window and he took a breath. He didn't need to fake his smile with Bokuto, so there was no point putting on a false emotion for what he was feeling right now. He really just wasn't feeling well after looking at the box that sat on his dresser, but it was definitely possible that Bokuto could put a real smile on Kuroo's face today. It had happened many times in the past, so Kuroo thought it was possible to happen again today.  
"Hey, bro," Bokuto said. That instant, Bokuto threw his arms around Kuroo and he gave Kuroo a hug. Kuroo was used to this, but it still surprised him every time. Bokuto was a hugger. It knew that Bokuto was. But every single time, it caught Kuroo off guard that someone actually wanted to hug him and cared enough to hug him.

With a bit of a sigh, Kuroo hugged Bokuto back and sunk into his warm embrace. "Hey, bro. Are we going out for that run?" he asked as he finally pulled back.

When Bokuto pulled back, he nodded and had a grin on his face. "We should do a longer loop than normal. Not a race, so to speak, but a test of endurance! That would be fair, right?" Bokuto asked as he let out a bit of a chuckle. Kuroo wasn't too sure that he was up for that either, but that was definitely a new one. Honestly, Kuroo's endurance was something that many people were jealous of, including Bokuto. So Kuroo didn't know what kind of game Bokuto wanted to play here, since it was likely that Kuroo had the better endurance between the two.

Shrugging, Kuroo looked at his water bottle to see that his bottle was full enough to go do a longer loop than they normally did. "Sure, why not?" Kuroo said as he walked out of the door and he closed his door behind him, making sure the door was locked and that he had his keys.

The two boys started their run, and the just chatted about random things. They talked about Kuroo's accident in chemistry, they chatted about Bokuto's growing crush on Akaashi, and they talked about what they were going to do when they weren't in high school anymore. It was a long run that lasted probably over an hour, and both boys were okay with that. By the end, they weren't talking anymore because Bokuto was breathing too heavily to keep up a conversation. Kuroo, on the other hand, could definitely keep talking if he wanted to. He could keep this up for another mile if he had to guess.

When Bokuto slowed down to a fast walk, Kuroo smiled to him as he started to walk with him, silently cheering at the victory. "You tried, man. You tried," Kuroo said. While earlier, he wasn’t in the mood to lose a race, he was definitely glad that Bokuto had gotten him to agree to this contest. It subconsciously told Kuroo that he wouldn’t always lose in life and could win if he wanted it.

Slowing down his walk, Bokuto nodded. "Yeah, you definitely have more endurance than I do. I don't know why I thought that was a good idea..." Bokuto said after he took a large breath in. At the very least, he wasn't wheezing.

Kuroo laughed a bit and he threw his arm around Bokuto's shoulders. It probably wasn't a smart idea to hug Bokuto, as they were both sweaty from their running. But it had already happened, and Kuroo couldn't take it back even if he wanted to. Honestly, though, he really didn't want to. Bokuto was really just the distraction he needed right now, and even though he didn't think he needed a distraction from school work and everything else, he could use the extra boost of excitement in his life. That was exactly what Bokuto brought with him every time that he and Kuroo spent time together.

As Bokuto regained his breath, he started to look around to the street signs and any particular building that he could have possibly recognized. "Where are we?" he asked as he looked to the buildings he had been walking by. Bokuto clearly hadn't come this way enough to know that he was in the business district of Tokyo, but Kuroo knew well enough where they were to get Bokuto home.

With a sigh, Kuroo pulled his arm off of Bokuto's shoulder and he shook his head just a little bit. "I know where we are. But are we going back to yours or walking back to my place?" Kuroo asked as he peaked at the time on his watch. It wasn't late enough yet for him to have to worry about dinner yet, but it would get to be that time if they went back to Bokuto's place first.

Shrugging, it seemed like Bokuto didn't care either way. "I don't have a lot of homework tonight, so I don't mind if we just go back to your house. Do you have a lot of homework?" Bokuto asked as he rose an eyebrow.

It might have been good if they went back to Kuroo's place anyway, as his dad was complaining that he didn't get to see enough of Bokuto. So they would get to see each other and his father would hopefully stop complaining about not seeing Bokuto. "Yeah, we can go back to my place. I have homework to get done too. So let's go," Kuroo said as he turned around and started to guide Bokuto back to where his apartment was.

As they walked back, the two boys started to point out odd things they saw in the street and just talked about random things. The conversation was just to fill the silence, but it was good enough to keep Kuroo focused on something else as they walked. "Oh, so hey! You have to take notes when you have your practice match with Karasuno! I want to know everything about them and I want to know if they have an ace even as close to being as good as me," Bokuto said with a hearty laugh.

That wasn't even close to being possible. Although, Bokuto wasn't the _best_ ace there was in Japan as far as high school volleyball boy's teams went, he was the fourth best, so he was up there. "I doubt they do. But I do know that they have one of the best liberos, so Komi needs to keep his eye out. I've already told Yaku to watch his back and to watch what he does, because he could learn from this kid," Kuroo said. He shrugged a bit, but that got him thinking about what their team was really like and if their team was really worth all the worry from Bokuto.

Letting out a groan as they continued to walk, Bokuto tilted his head back. "They are an unknown team, Kuroo. You just have to watch them and see what you can learn! Maybe... If your practice match goes well, I can talk to my coach and get them an invite to our next big training camp. If it doesn't go good though, they can forget it. They have to be worth the time and effort," Bokuto said.

The two boys approached the apartment and Kuroo unlocked the front door before he let Bokuto in. They took off their shoes at the door and they went straight to Kuroo's room. "Go on, go see what we have in the fridge. I know you're hungry," Kuroo said as he sat down at his desk. Bokuto seemed to be very ecstatic at being told he could go get food from the fridge. Kuroo knew that his dad wouldn't care too much, so that was why he offered it to Bokuto. If he did care, Kuroo would just tell his dad that he wasn't going to eat tonight. He wasn't likely to eat anyway, because he just wasn't in a very good mood. He wasn't in a terrible mood, but his mood had been numbed after nothing too terribly exciting happening over the last few months. The run helped for today, which was a plus.

When Kuroo pulled out his homework and started to look over his assignments. He sighed and just started in on it. That was also when his phone lit up with a notification from Kenma. The boy wanted to know about their next trip to the training camp this weekend. It was in the Miyagi district, so they would be taking a bus to get to the camp, but Kenma wasn't sure he would be able to make it on the bus and his mom would have to drop him off afterward. That was fine, but the rest of the team was throwing a fit because they didn't know why Kenma was getting special permission. It was a family commitment that their coach knew about, so he got the permission. The rest of the team still wasn't okay with it though.

Coming back with a sandwich and a bottle of water, Kuroo rose an eyebrow to Bokuto and just looked back down at his assignment. "What is your class doing in history? Is it this dumb war shit that they're having us do?" Kuroo asked as he passed an assignment packet to Bokuto and started to look at his math homework. Math was something he could do without a problem, but the whole thing to do with wars from a century that his ancestors couldn’t be traced back to was just not interesting to him. He also hated anything to do with history.

Taking the packet after he sat down on Kuroo's bed, he shrugged his shoulders a bit. "I think we are, yeah. But you're in a higher level class than I am, so we probably didn't go this in depth with it all," Bokuto said as he passed the assignment packet back and he took a bite of the sandwich that he had made.

Letting out a sigh, Kuroo just shook his head and continued his calculus work. This was really probably the best thing that he could do right now. He just needed distractions and he needed to get his mind off of anything and everything to do with his life. "So how are things here? Have your grandparents been doing okay?" Bokuto asked.

This was what Kuroo didn't want to happen. He knew that Bokuto meant well and he knew that he didn't quite understand everything to do with Kuroo's past at the moment because one, Kuroo didn't feel like explaining everything too far in depth, and two, Bokuto just couldn’t comprehend the fact that his mother had abandoned him and his father. But talking about his life was not something he could stomach at the moment when Bokuto had asked. "Yeah, things are okay and my grandparents are doing well. They just came back back after their trip up North. They had fun," Kuroo said with a shrug.

That response we clearly good enough for Bokuto, as it shut the boy up while he continued to eat. "My parents are going to be here to pick me up soon," Bokuto said after a few minutes. They heard a sound come from the front door, so Kuroo was assumed it was his dad. "Oh! I can go say hi to your dad!" Bokuto said as he got up.

Kuroo couldn't even tell Bokuto that it was a good idea before he was out of the bedroom nd out in the living room. Kuroo just sighed as he worked on the rest of his homework. It was really an uneventful night for the rest of the evening. Bokuto went home, his dad only came in to remind Kuroo to have dinner, and then he went to bed. It was back to the dull, boring life that he lived in.

The rest of the week really wasn't too much better. Kenma wasn't at practice for the rest of the week, as he had been in the middle of his family obligations. Kuroo really did miss him, and it caused practices to be short, since their main setter wasn't there for a lot of the things they needed to work on. Other than that, though, Kuroo was getting message after message from Bokuto to remind him to take note at the match with their fallen rivals.

Finally though, the weekend came and Kuroo had gone with the rest of his team to the training camp in Miyagi. In all honesty, Kuroo was in a much better mood while being at the training camp. His teammates were in high spirits, and the other teams kept him in a good mood, since they won nearly every match they played against the other teams. Kenma did make it to the beginning of the training camp, but he had to leave part way through when his family obligations came up.

One afternoon in particular that weekend, Kenma had been dropped off and had gotten himself lost, so Kuroo had to go out and find him. Kenma had messaged Kuroo his location and he was just going to sit there and wait, while Kuroo went to find him and guide them back to where they were staying during the training camp.

The afternoon was annoying to try to find Kenma in such an unknown area of Japan, but Kuroo finally managed to find the area that Kenma was meant to be in. As he approached Kenma, he could see that Kenma was talking to some random spitfire boy with orange hair. He was wearing a shirt with a sport team label on it, and Kenma was willingly talking to the boy. But honestly, Kuroo didn't feel too comfortable leaving him there with this random boy. "Kenma!" Kuroo called out as the two boys looked up to him.

When the spitfire looked up, he seemed to shrink back a bit, but Kenma had gotten up pretty quick to come join Kuroo. As Kenma joined Kuroo, he had said something like 'see you later' to the other boy, and they started to walk back to the facility they were staying in. "Why did your mom drop you off all the way out here?" Kuroo asked quietly as he rose an eyebrow to Kenma, trying to figure out why they were out here.

With a shrug, Kenma didn't seem to be in a very talkative mood as it was, but that was when he finally gave an answer to Kuroo. "I honestly didn't know where I was supposed to go, because I didn't have the address saved in my phone. So that's probably my fault," Kenma said.

Kuroo let out a sigh and began to lecture Kenma before silence fell over them and they just walked back to the gym. They had another couple of matches to play before they could finally head back to where they were going to have dinner and sleep for the night.  
Nekoma was very rambunctious for the rest of the night, and Kuroo tried to communicate with all of them, but he really just wanted to focus on his captain duties for the night. He had so many things to consider and then, they were meant to face their fallen rivals tomorrow. Bokuto wanted him to take notes and remember everything, but Kuroo just wasn't sure what Bokuto had really wanted.

The morning had come upon the boys and they had gotten all cleaned up and they decided to take a bit of a jog before their match that afternoon. Kuroo shook away the tiredness from his eyes as he jogged, and it was finally time for them to go back to the gym and meet up for their practice match.

As the Karasuno bus had pulled up to the gym and everyone climbed out of the bus, Kuroo's eyes grazed over everyone that was there. The first thing he really noted was that it was a relatively small team. Sure, they had a few backup players, but it wasn't a huge team either. They only had twelve players.

Secondly, Kuroo's eyes locked onto the number one and two of the team. Those two would surely be the captain and vice-captain. They didn't seem to be too particularly scary or too intimidating, so Kuroo was hopeful that they would be a good challenge for the team.

Third, Kuroo recognized the boy that Kenma had been talking to the afternoon before. He was the spitfire that was wearing the number ten jersey. Kuroo was sure that the boy would come find Kenma the moment they went into the gym, but they were lined up in front of the entire team for the time being.

Finally though, Kuroo's eyes locked onto a tall boy's eyes. He was sporting a pair of glasses. He had on the number eleven jersey, and he was about Kuroo's height, if not a bit taller. Why they locked glances, Kuroo wasn't sure. But finally, they broke away, wondering just why he started to feel things. It was an odd feeling he was developing inside of him and Kuroo wasn't too sure he liked it.

As they started to walk into the gym, Kuroo stood on the court and he looked around to his team. That was when Kuroo heard a voice get cleared behind him and he turned around to see the captain from Karasuno standing there with a smile on his face. He reached out a hand to Kuroo, and Kuroo smiled in return. "I'm looking forward to our game today," Kuroo said as he shook the man's hand.

The captain said about the same thing in return, and they continued to shake hands until someone from Kuroo's team started to call for him. Kuroo pulled away and excused himself. The man seemed to be nice enough, but he just hoped that he was a good enough player and he hoped this team would be a worthwhile opponent to face.

As he stood with his team, his eyes traveled back to the opponents, and he found himself looking at the blond boy from earlier once more. He had heard someone say his name, and Kuroo honestly wasn't sure he heard it correctly. Was it Tsukishima? Kuroo could be very wrong, but he could have sworn that he had heard someone call the boy Tsukishima.

It came time for his team to gather up and gain some words of wisdom from him. They always looked forward to it and they were always looking for ways to get encouraged and fired up. Kenma always seemed to be annoyed by it, but the rest of the team looked forward to it. Honestly, he didn't know why they made him captain. His lack of confidence in himself was astounding, but he did have confidence in his team.

As his team gathered around, he started his speech. "We are plasma. Keep the flow in motion. Distribute the oxygen so the brain can run smoothly! Let's go!" His little speech was short and sweet, but Kuroo couldn't think of anything else to say. They cheered and pulled away before Kenma came behind him with a sigh.

It was going to be another lecture from Kenma, he could feel it. "Kuroo, can't you stop doing that? It's kind of embarrassing," he said as he eyed Kuroo and gave him a desperate face. A couple of their other teammates stood up for Kuroo though, agreeing that it was to get the proper motivation.

That was when the game started. It didn't take more than the very first serve for some form of freak quick attack to happen from the opposing team and for everyone on Nekoma to be high on their guard and completely confused. Their coach decided on a quick time out for the team, as they needed to come up with a tactic to stop the unnerving quick attack.

When Kenma brought up a point to stop their number ten whom Kenma had referred to as Shouyou, the rest of the team seemed to agree that they needed to narrow down the amount of power that the spitfire could have. Kuroo knew that the rest of the team had talents, but that particular power axis was a threat and it was just not breaking. They needed to find a way to break it.

The game continued. Kuroo just continued to focus on scoring as many points as he could and defending his side of the court as well as he could by not letting the nemesis get too many points. They were catching up, but Kuroo's team wasn't going down without a fight.

It seemed as though Kenma was up to his usual tricks and as Kuroo watched from the back row, Kenma seemed to have picked an internal fight with the blond boy that Kuroo had noticed earlier. Just a simple glance had gotten Tsukishima to go the opposite way for a block, and Kuroo found Kenma's little trick to be comical. Not that Tsukishima seemed to find it funny, but Kuroo did. Tsukishima’s reaction was priceless too.

Later in that match, Tsukishima had feinted one of his spikes and had gotten the best of the Nekoma team. He was definitely a thinker, that one. Kuroo enjoyed that about the boy, definitely. He also enjoyed being able to smile and laugh with his team, and play a fun practice game with a team that had been their fallen rivals. Their own team had been losing stamina lately, so they weren't completely up to steam with everyone. But in all honesty, they were getting better and improving. That was what mattered.

As the game came to a close and Nekoma had taken two consecutive sets without Karasuno taking a set from them, the spitfire that Kenma had run into had requested another set. Their coach didn't seem to mind, and Kuroo got in some decent receives and spikes with the extra playtime.

Everyone seemed to be exhausted to the point of wanting to pass out on the floor, which was when the orange had requested another set. The coaches started to scold Hinata, and Kuroo was just thankful it was going to be over. He was exhausted and he had to get back to Bokuto to discuss what he had seen from the new up and coming team. As everyone started to clean up, Kuroo stood in the middle of the court and held onto a broom.

When Kuroo heard excessive joy and loud shouting coming from the other side of the court, he started to chuckle when he recognized that one of his first years was participating. That was when the blond, whom Kuroo didn't realize was so close, had made a comment. "What is that conversation?" he asked to himself, talking about the jumping and nonsensical words that had been coming from Inuoka and Hinata.

Another chuckle left Kuroo's lips and he smiled just a bit. "That isn't the conversation of high schoolers. But I think you could try goofing around more like a high schooler," Kuroo said, He wanted to say 'it might do you some good', but he couldn't get himself to say such a thing. He didn’t know Tsukishima, but his body language kind of indicated that he was not used to having fun.

Time seemed to freeze around him as he studied the blonde’s face just a little more. The blond was definitely just slightly taller than him. But Kuroo wouldn't admit that willingly. He had soft skin, a very young face and soft features. There seemed to be a forming crease over his eyebrows though, as though he was used to being angry and furrowing his brow. Kuroo could see in his mind how those lips could curl into a beautiful smile, and he adored the current look on his face as they stood and spoke. "I'm not good at it," he had said.

Kuroo watched with a smile as the boy walked away, and he hummed a bit. "Ah, youth," he said to himself, shaking his head as he kept his eyes on Tsukishima. There was an odd sensation happening in his chest at that moment, but it just felt like a longing for the blond boy. He had only just met him, and it seemed as though Kuroo wouldn't get a chance to know him any further, as the boy seemed to be rather closed off, which was a shame.

After Tsukishima had finished a conversation with one of his other teammates, the blond walked himself out of the gym. His teammate, who was wearing a black sport jacket and hadn't been playing at all during the match, approached Kuroo. "Hey, Nekoma's captain? Kuroo-San, is it?" the boy asked, and he seemed to be a little more timid.

Raising an eyebrow, Kuroo slowly nodded to the soft-haired male and stood straight. "I'm Yamaguchi Tadashi, just a backup player for the team. But... my friend, Tsukishima? The tall blond boy with glasses? I just want you to know that you seem to have made an impression on him. I mean... he hardly talks about anyone else, so for him to be talking about you, it means something. So he’s kind of closed off, but would you talk to him if I convince him to talk to you?" Yamaguchi had asked.

That was an odd request, Kuroo thought. Tsukishima talked about Kuroo? What was he saying? They had only had a two second conversation, so what kind of impression could Kuroo had made? "I mean, I didn't think I mate that much of an impression, but if you say so? I'd be willing to talk to him, just warn him that I'm really not all that interesting. I'm only interesting on the court," Kuroo said with a shrug.

Handing Kuroo a paper, Yamaguchi bit on his lip before he started to speak again. "Well, let me just say that he never takes interests in people, and he definitely took an interest in you. I don't know what that means and I don't know if it's a good thing, but if you want to explore it, that's his number," Yamaguchi said as he gave a bit of a smile. "Would you be interested in giving him your number too? Even if he has your number though, he is not likely to text you first. I’m really the only person that he talks to willingly,” Yamaguchi said softly.

Thinking for a moment, Kuroo tensed for a bit. He checked over Yamaguchi's face to see if he looked like the type of person he could trust, and he decided that he would take a chance. Kuroo was not the type to take chances often, so he hoped he was making a good choice. “If I give you my number, can I take time to think over if I want you to give it to him? I’m curious, but it will just take some thinking over,” Kuroo had said with a sheepish smile on his face. He hoped that Yamaguchi would understand where he was coming from.

With a smile, Yamaguchi nodded. "I can do that for you. If you don't want me to give him your number, I definitely won't. But if you do, I will pass it along. He doesn't know I've given you his number, by the way, but I will tell him if you want me to."

That was another thing that Kuroo wasn't so sure about. He would have to think this over, and Kuroo looked down at the handwritten message by Yamaguchi. He would just have to think about this very hard before he made any kind of decision. "I'll get back to you on that too. I will delete his number though if I decide that I don't want you to give him my number," Kuroo said with a shrug. The last thing he needed was to keep a number in his phone that wasn't going to amount to anything. He didn't need more possible heartbreaks to linger.

"Awesome! Thanks, Kuroo-san!" Yamaguchi said. Kuroo took Yamaguchi's phone and typed in his number, pressed send and let it connect to his phone before he ended the call. "Oh, so now you have my number too. That would make sense. Okay! Just text me when you've come up with a decision," Yamaguchi said before he started to head out of the gym. He was one of the few left in the gym, and Kuroo went to go stand with his team.

When Kuroo came to join Kenma, he was given an odd look. "You were friendly with their number twelve, what happened there?" Kenma asked as he changed his shoes. Kuroo wondered if Kenma was really interested, but Kuroo was going to tell him regardless.

Taking a breath and then a seat next to Kenma, Kuroo looked over his best friend. "It was odd... You know the blond kid? The tall one with the glasses that you were kind playing mind games with?" Kuroo asked. At the very least, Kuroo thought that Kenma was trying to play mind games on Tsukishima. All it took was Kenma nodding for Kuroo to continue. "Well, number twelve there told me that he apparently took an interest in me and I guess that Tsukishima doesn't normally do that," Kuroo said. "Oh, that's his name. Tsukishima. Tsukishima... Kei," Kuroo said as he read his first name off of the paper that Yamaguchi handed him. "Yamaguchi is the name of number twelve."

It seemed as though Kenma wasn't following what Kuroo was telling him, because he had a confused look on his face. "Okay, so... what does that mean?" Kenma asked as he tied his regular shoes.

Shrugging, Kuroo picked up Kenma's other shoes to put them in his gym bag. "It means that Yamaguchi wanted me to follow through with Tsukishima, to see if anything would come out of him taking such an interest in me," Kuroo said with a gentle sigh. "He gave me Tsukishima's number and I gave Yamaguchi mine, but I don't know if I'm going to have Yamaguchi give him my number yet," Kuroo said quietly.

"Hey, we're loading the bus!" Yamamoto called over to the pair, who stood up and Kuroo took Kenma's gym bag out of respect for his friend.

As they walked together, Kenma sighed. "You should do it, Kuroo. Who knows what this all could mean? Maybe it will turn into another friendship. Maybe it could turn into something more. I don't know, but I think you should do it," Kenma said.

That was exactly what Kuroo thought that Kenma was going to say. Kuroo still wasn't too terribly sure though. "But what if... What if he turns into another Yume-San? What if Tsukishima just abandons me like my mother did...?" Kuroo said quietly. He was glad they were standing away from the group, who was all piling onto the bus. The last thing he needed was for his teammates to get further into his personal business.

As they started to climb onto the bus, Kenma shook his head. "You'll never know unless you try, Kuroo. If you don't want to do it though, don't do it. No one is forcing you to," Kenma said as he took a seat. Kuroo took a seat next to him.

Groaning just a bit, Kuroo knew that Kenma was right. He had so much to think about though, and he wasn't going to get any real thinking done until he got home. Luckily enough, the team was all exhausted though and everyone was nearly asleep halfway through the ride.

Kuroo started to text Bokuto in that moment, and Kuroo's phone exploded with questions about the training camp and the match he had with Karasuno.

**Kuroo (4:42 PM):**  
_Yeah, I will tell you all about them when I get home. But something weird happened today and I need to tell you about that first, okay? I'll be home in two hours. Meet me at my apartment?_

When Bokuto responded back, Kuroo was thankful that he had people to talk to about all of this. Fortunately enough, the ride was smooth and when they got back to their school gym, the coach spoke to them only briefly before they were excused to go home. Both Kenma and Kuroo walked home together, and they only talked about what happened during the game, not about what happened with Tsukishima.

As Kuroo got inside, he was glad to see Bokuto already there with his dad, and after a brief explanation about how the training camp went, Bokuto and Kuroo disappeared to his room. "So, what happened that you have to tell me about before you tell me the ins and outs of their team?" Bokuto asked in a whirl when the door was closed.

Taking a breath, Kuroo threw himself down on his bed. "Apparently someone from their team took an interest in me. I mean, I'm sure they were all curious about me, but... one in particular apparently really liked me and took an interest. His friend told me about it and gave me his number," Kuroo said as he eyed Bokuto. "He also wanted to know if he could give this guy my number too, but I just don't know..." Kuroo said as he pressed his hands into his eye sockets. "He's a first year, I'm a third year, and I don't know if I can just let other people into my life," Kuroo whined.

That was when Bokuto let out a hearty laugh. "Kuroo, mate, what's wrong with him taking an interest in you? And hey, maybe it could turn into a friendship. Not as good of a friendship as you have with me, but it could be possible!" Bokuto threw himself down on Kuroo's bed next to Kuroo.

Another groan left Kuroo's lips and he shook his head. "I just don't know if I'm ready for that," he said.

"I'm sure Kenma told you the same thing already, but you'll never know unless you try," Bokuto said.

That was very true. Kuroo hated that they made sense all the time. He also hated that they were pushing him passed his comfort levels. But he supposed that he had these friends for a reason. "Yeah, I guess you're right..." Kuroo mumbled.

Letting out a cheer, Bokuto knocked his elbow into Kuroo's arm and then started to ask again about the details of the Karasuno team.

After a long night, Bokuto ended up falling asleep in Kuroo's bed and Kuroo started to look at his phone, seeing Yamaguchi's number. His fingers were twitching and he could feel the tears start to prick in the corners of his eyes. "I hope... I hope this isn't a mistake..." Kuroo said quietly as he started to text Yamaguchi.

**Kuroo (10:55 PM)**  
_I've thought about it. You can give him my number and I will text him as long as he is okay with me texting him._

Kuroo wasn't expecting a response tonight. He fell asleep relatively quickly after that. But when he woke up, he saw a text message from Yamaguchi the next morning.

**Yamaguchi (11:09 PM)**  
_He has your number and he complained about me giving you his number, but he said that he would text you if you texted him first. Thank you Kuroo-San!_

The anxiety of making a new friend and letting his walls down for another person started to hit him, but then he looked towards Bokuto and thought about Kenma. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.


	5. What Happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my lord, I am SO sorry this took so long. I've gone back to school though, or at least I tried, and things were far too busy for me to work on writing. But now that things have changed, I will be writing a lot more. Please enjoy this chapter! I can promise you that it won't two months again. Most likely, it will be only two weeks at most.

Today was the day. Today was the day that Kuroo was waiting for. He couldn't sleep for the entire week leading up to this point. He couldn't possibly, especially with all of the excitement in the air. It felt nice to be excited about something again, honestly. Kuroo hadn't been excited for anything in a long time, so these were emotions he wasn't used to feeling.

It was such a simple thing, really. In all honesty, it really wasn't a very big deal. It was hardly anything at all, but Kuroo was excited for this. It was a Sunday afternoon, and the boy he had been chatting with had promised to meet Kuroo at a local bakery in Tokyo. _His favorite_ local bakery. It was really only his favorite because of Bokuto, but that was a different story for a different day. All Kuroo really cared about was the fact that someone that he had been talking to was going to meet him at his favorite local bakery, so this was already a grand step to be taking.

Granted, it did take Kuroo quite some time to get the nerve to even ask the boy to come to the bakery, and that is a story that needs to be shared, not for another day.

\---

_"But Bokuto, what if he says no? Or I have an even better one... What if he says yes and stands me up? What if he doesn't like coffee and pastries?" Kuroo asked gently, giving Bokuto a look of despair and dread. He desperately didn't want to do this. He honestly would have felt so much better if he didn't have to do this. He would have felt so much more comfortable in his own little circle. That circle didn't have to include this taller, blond boy that was haunting his dreams. Or really, wasn't he making the dreams better? Those were just minor details though._

_Bokuto scoffed and leaned back in Kuroo's computer chair, nearly falling over, but catching himself at the last second. "Bro! He wouldn't dare say no. It's_ you _man! Who could say no to you? I know I can't! I doubt this... This Tsukishima kid will say 'no' to you either! And who doesn't like pastries? Coffee I can understand, but pastries? He'd have to be born without taste buds or something if he didn't like bakery treats."_

_Honestly, Bokuto did have a point. Tsukishima would have to have the worst taste imaginable if he didn't like pastries, or things from a bakery. It was delicious stuff. But there was still the looming feeling that Tsukishima could say no to him, so he would rather not go through the heartache. "I don't know if I can go through the pain of someone turning me down, or someone standing me up. What if that happens though? I'd never recover..." Kuroo murmured and he sighed after._

_Feeling the bed shift next to him, Kuroo looked up right as Bokuto wrapped his arms around him. He was sitting next to Kuroo right then and he continued to hug the boy, just shushing him gently and rubbing his back. "Hey, if he turns you down, I'll beat him up. And if he stands you up, I'll go find him and throw rocks at him."_

_The idea of Bokuto beating Tsukishima up or throwing rocks at him if he stood Kuroo up or told him no was quite the comical sight to have in his head. Kuroo started to chuckle a bit and he shook his head. "No, no, don't throw rocks at him... If he stands me up, you should throw cupcakes at him from the bakery," Kuroo teased._

_"And waste those delicious desserts? No way, bro! I wouldn't dare waste them!" Bokuto said as he pulled away from Kuroo and smirked a bit. "So ask him out! Okay? I won't let you do anything else before you ask him out! No homework, no dinner, no sleeping! You have to ask him out. Especially because you keep grinning with that stupid smile whenever you talk about him. God, bro, you'd think you loved him more than you love me, which I won't believe for a second."_

_Raising an eyebrow to Bokuto, Kuroo shook his head slowly. "Me? Love someone more than you? Impossible," Kuroo teased as he pushed Bokuto a bit and looked at his phone, feeling his chest start to tighten just a bit at the thought of texting Tsukishima and asking him out. But Bokuto was a stickler and wouldn't let him get away with not asking Tsukishima. So he started to tap away on his phone and he licked his lips a bit. "Okay, all sent... Just have to wait for a response now," Kuroo said._

\---

Tsukishima had answered Kuroo later that night, claiming that he had a lot of homework to do and apologizing for not responding right away. The text that Kuroo had sent had said something to the effect of 'hey, want to go get coffee and donuts? There's this great place here in Tokyo and I'd like to talk to you in person.' To that, Tsukishima had responded with an agreement and he decided that Sunday afternoon would be a good time so he had time to get his homework done and could waste the day away after.

Now wasn't exactly the correct time to panic. Kuroo never really cared about how he dressed or what others thought about what he was wearing, but this situation seemed to be a different story. He did care this time. He cared what Tsukishima thought of his black skinny jeans and his lilac button down shirt. He had the sleeves rolled up and pushed to his elbows, and he wore his leather jacket. His hair would never be tamed, so he never bothered to try with his hair anymore. But he cared what Tsukishima thought about how he looked. Why? He wasn't quite sure if he were being honest. It wasn't like him to care at all, but now, he really did care.

As he waited outside the coffee shop, he checked his phone for the time and he hummed a bit, noting that Tsukki still had a few minutes before he was late. Kuroo would forgive him for being a little late, since Tsukki was coming all the way from Miyagi for him. Tsukishima couldn't control the train, whether it was late or not.

After a few more moments, Kuroo looked at his phone again. The time was late now, and he frowned a little. Tsukishima was more than fifteen minutes late. His heart started to clench at the thought of being stood up. As he took a moment to think about that, he started to text Bokuto to say that Tsukishima wasn't there yet. The moment he hit send though, he looked up and he blinked to a head of blond hair approaching and looking around. He was carrying a bag with him, which was a little precarious. Quickly texting Bokuto a 'never mind' text, he sent it and he pushed himself off the wall a bit and took a few steps forward. "Hey, Tsukki, I'm glad you could make it," Kuroo said.

Looking over at Kuroo, Tsukishima rose an eyebrow. "It's... Tsukishima, but yeah. The train was a little late. I was going to text you, but I had to stand the whole ride here because the train was so packed, and I kept getting bumped by children." The chill that seemed to go through Tsukishima's spine made Kuroo smile a bit. "Anyway, can we go inside?" Tsukishima asked, eyeing the door to the coffee shop.

Nodding, Kuroo started to walk to the entrance. He held open the door for Tsukki and he chuckled at the eye roll that Tsukki gave to him. That was when Kuroo noted what Tsukishima was wearing himself. It was just a pair of blue jeans and he was wearing a nice, patterned sweater. It was a nice look on Tsukishima and Kuroo approved. Though, Kuroo didn't think he would disapprove of any look on Tsukishima.

The pair of boys walked inside and they went to the counter. Kuroo ordered his usual latte and then a Danish. Tsukishima ordered some sort of iced coffee and a cupcake with strawberries on it. The smile that crossed his face when he was given the cupcake had Kuroo raising an eyebrow. He wondered what it was that made Tsukishima smile about that cupcake in particular, but Kuroo had time to find out.

As they went to go take a seat, the two boys looked at one another and they sat in silence for a moment. "So... how's practice going?" Kuroo asked quietly before he took a sip of his latte to realize it was too hot. That wasn't a bother though. He would just start on his Danish.

Clearing his throat, Tsukishima shrugged a bit. "Nothing out of the ordinary for us. We're still finding our rhythm as a team though, so it's tiring," Tsukishima said. "You didn't just invite me out here to find secrets, did you? There's no way I'm going to reveal anything to you if that was all you wanted out of this," Tsukishima said with a raised eyebrow.

Laughing a bit, Kuroo shook his head. It was cute that Tsukishima thought that all he wanted was to know secrets about their team. "We don't need to know your secrets. We can adjust to any play style," Kuroo said with a wink. "But no, that's really not all I wanted to know. That's not the only reason I invited you out here. It's... been fun talking with you these last few weeks, and I just wanted to spend more time with you in person. I mean, sure, we could do a video call. But that's still not as personal," Kuroo said with a shrug.

"Yeah, I guess not. That might have been better first though," Tsukki noted and he took the top off of his coffee, presumably to let it cool a little bit. "So... You've got me out here. Tell me about yourself. Not that I'd usually be interested, but you've got me now, so I want to know," Tsukishima said as he bit into his cupcake and he hummed at the taste of it.

Licking his lips, Kuroo tensed a bit. "What do you want to know? I... play middle blocker and I'm the captain of the Nekoma team, but you already knew that," Kuroo said. He wasn't sure just how much he wanted to share with Tsukishima, even though he had already shared enough of himself through text.

That was when Tsukishima shrugged. "I don't know... what do you like to do? What are you like in school? How... are things with your friends? What's your family like?"

All of those questions were good, up until the last one. Kuroo blinked in thought and he tried not to think about his family, because he really didn't want to ruin this fun little date. "Well, I like to play video games with my best friends? Their names are Kenma and Bokuto. Kenma you've met, he's our sett-"

"The setter that pissed me off when we played you guys," Tsukishima said in a huff, but he laughed after. "He's good though. I can respect his play style, even if it did frustrate me," Tsukishima said with a smile. "Although, he... didn't seem very interested in the game play. He's probably like me," Tsukishima said with a shrug. "What about this Bokuto character? Does he just not play volleyball?" Tsukishima asked.

Kuroo agreed that Kenma didn't ever seem like he was enjoying volleyball, but Kuroo knew the truth. He knew that Kenma loved it, even if he didn't outwardly express it. That was when his mind was brought to Bokuto and Kuroo laughed. "Oh, no, he plays. He just plays on a different team. He's the captain of Fukurodani."

That was when Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. "Captains have to stick together I guess," Tsukishima said. "Okay... so now, what are you like in school? Are you a good student or are you just an average student?" Tsukishima asked and Kuroo scoffed at Tsukishima a bit. Kuroo was definitely not just an average student.

Leaning back in his chair, Kuroo tried to take another sip of his latte. It had cooled enough to take small sips, but not big ones just yet. After he set the drink down, he looked Tsukki over. "I'm in class five, thank you. I'm not just an average student, and I'm the chemistry teacher's assistant in the class," Kuroo said with a bit of a huff.

This whole conversation caused Tsukishima to huff out a laugh. "Sorry, I just wanted to be sure that you were a good student. I'm in class four. I would be in class five, but I don't want to abandon my friend, so I'm still in class four," Tsukki said with a sigh. "He's the one that instigated all of this, by the way. Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said and he picked at his cupcake.

That smile crossed his features again and Kuroo smiled to see Tsukki smiling. "He's a nice guy, isn't he? He really cares about you too, I can tell," Kuroo noted and he licked his lips again, remembering that Yamaguchi was the one that started this whole thing. What a guy.

"Yeah, he's a good guy. He's my best friend, though you'd probably see us as an odd pair, since he's so nice and I'm just... a sarcastic fuck," Tsukishima said with a shrug. "But you should hear some of the things that come out of his mouth. They even surprise me sometimes, which it shouldn’t because I created him," Tsukishima said with a smile. It was clear that he was thinking about Yamaguchi and Kuroo frowned internally. How could Kuroo get Tsukki to smile like that? He would love to know. He wanted to be the cause of those smiles, because they were such a gorgeous thing to see on Tsukki's cheeks.

The silence seemed to sit between them again until Tsukishima cleared his throat. Kuroo hummed a bit as he brushed the flakes of the pastry off of his black skinny jeans. "What about you then? What do you like to do?" Kuroo asked softly.

That was when it seemed that Tsukishima had been caught off guard. "I... like to read? I don't know, I'm a boring person," Tsukishima said softly. Kuroo laughed and shook his head and Tsukishima sighed. "I like to read and I collect dinosa-..." Tsukishima cut himself off and his eyes went wide, as though he had made a mistake.

It probably was a mistake, although Kuroo didn't mind knowing that Tsukishima collected dinosaurs. "You collect dinosaurs? You must live in a giant house if they are all life sized. Do you have any living ones?" Kuroo asked with a smirk.

Groaning, Tsukishima shook his head and covered his face with his hands. He was clearly pretty embarrassed by this, but Kuroo was definitely going to have some fun with this new piece of knowledge. "I don't know why I said that... why did I say that?" Tsukishima asked himself. "I collect dinosaur stuff. Figurines, pictures, stuff like that. I like them a lot, so... yeah," Tsukishima said. He still seemed to be embarrassed and he wasn't looking at Kuroo, who was still wearing such a grin. Kuroo found it cute that Tsukishima had such a thing for dinosaurs. It was a great discovery for the boy.

Humming a bit, Kuroo nodded as he let his smile fade a little. Tsukishima picked up his phone and started to text before he put his phone down. "Who was that?" Kuroo asked curiously, his attention still on the cell phone on the table. Kuroo couldn't help thinking that Tsukishima was going to come up with an excuse to need to leave, because that was the first thing his mind went to. Why would anyone want to spend time with him?

Raising an eyebrow, Tsukki cleared his throat for a moment. "It was... my brother? He wanted to know where his knee pads were. I told him I didn't know," Tsukishima said as he gave Kuroo a strange look. "Why did you want to know?" Tsukishima asked, curious about Kuroo's curiosity.

Kuroo then shrugged and he let out a small sigh. "You can go if you don't want to be here, by the way. We don't have to make this drag out for any longer than it has to," Kuroo said, trying to hide the fact that he didn't want Tsukishima to leave yet.

That was when a soft laugh left Tsukishima's lips. "I don't want to leave, and I'm certainly not going to leave yet. I took a two hour train ride to get here, I'm going to at least spend four hours here before I leave. I hope you have other plans for me than just this," Tsukishima said as he sat up.

The phone buzzed again and Kuroo couldn't stop himself from looking at it. He tensed again, wondering if it was Tsukki's brother again. "Your brother obviously needs you," Kuroo said as he leaned back in his chair even further, looking away from the phone and the look on Tsukishima's face that told Kuroo that he was not at all pleased with Kuroo's attitude towards the phone. Kuroo couldn't help it though. It was just who he was and he couldn't control how he felt in these situations. He wished he could. But his past was a bitch.  
"Do you... want me to go? I can just go find something else to occupy me. It was a waste of a trip though if you want me to go. What was the point of having me come out here if you didn't want to spend time with me?" Tsukishima asked and the tone in his voice seemed to be either hurt or offended. Kuroo really couldn't blame him for feeling this way.

Shaking his head, Kuroo let out a sigh. "No, I don't want you to go. I just... think that maybe you could be doing something better with your time, because I'm not the most entertaining at times like this. I wish I could be more entertaining. It probably was a waste of a trip for you to come out here, so I'm sorry you wasted your time and money," Kuroo murmured as he took another sip of his latte.

The silence between the two boys settled heavily, but the silence was also screaming at Kuroo, because it told him that he really didn't want Tsukishima to go away and he was screwing everything up again. Was it always his fault? Did people always leave because of him? That had to be the reason his mom left, wasn't it?

Tsukishima opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out for a few seconds before he closed his mouth again. Finally, he seemed to have the nerve to speak. "Usually, I'm not left speechless like that. I can always come up with something to say, but... you kind of took all the words away. I'm speechless. Kuroo... I don't know what you want me to say. I don't have anything better to be doing with my time. I freed up my day to spend with you. So... let's get on with it. Would I rather be home talking to Yamaguchi and reading a book? Well, I don't know that. But I'm hoping this trip will be worth it by the end. It hasn't been bad so far," Tsukishima said.

Huffing out a sound of disbelief, Kuroo shook his head. "But it hasn't been good,” Kuroo said as he tilted his head back and licked his lips. Of course it hasn't been good thus far. Why would it be? "Alright, sorry. We can continue. I won't try to bring the trip down anymore. Sorry," Kuroo murmured. He hadn’t even caught that he had apologized more than once, but that was his anxiety of this whole situation he supposed.

Once the two boys finished their pastries and coffees, Tsukishima moved to stand and he took both the little plates and then Kuroo's cup to take to the trash. Kuroo smiled at the thoughtfulness that Tsukishima was displaying and it caused Kuroo to long for more days like this. "So, what's next?" Tsukishima asked.

There was no telling what was next, but Kuroo was actually kind of excited to find out.

\---

"So, how'd the date go?"

Kuroo was at Kenma's apartment, sitting on the floor and rolling a volleyball between his hands. He tossed it into the air and started to set it to himself, trying to get the ball just high enough to hardly graze the ceiling. "It wasn't a date," Kuroo murmured. The ball had gone too high and it hit the ceiling, coming back down a little too quickly and catching Kuroo off guard. It hit his hands and was sent flying against Kenma's desk, knocking over a pencil cup and a picture of his family. "Oops, sorry."

With a groan, Kenma went to pick up the mess and he shook his head a little. "Ugh. If it wasn't a date, then what was it? It had to be a date," Kenma said and he started to pick up all of the pens and pencils. There were quite a few, but Kuroo didn't move a finger to pick the pencils up or to help Kenma in the slightest. He just laid back on the floor and put his hands under his head to act as a pillow.

Shrugging a bit, Kuroo didn't know that he had a real answer. "It was just... a day with a friend, I guess. We hung out. First we went to that bakery that you say you hate but I know you love it. Then we went to a movie. It was kind of dumb, but he seemed to like it. Then we just walked around Tokyo, because he said he wanted to create terrible memories so he never wanted to come back. He tried to save it by saying that it was impossible because he'd want to come back to see me again, but I knew that it meant that he was having a terrible time."

Kenma had taken a seat in his chair and put all the pens and pencils in the cup again before he looked down to Kuroo with eyes that told Kuroo that Kenma had doubt inside of him. "I doubt he had a terrible time. You assume everyone has a terrible time when they hang out with you," Kenma said and he gave Kuroo a sad look. "Did you have a good time at least?"

That was a thought that Kuroo hadn't quite thought about. Sure, he had decided he wanted to see Tsukishima again afterwards, but he didn't know if that was just because Tsukishima was a smart kid and attractive, or if he had actually had a decent time. Humming in thought, Kuroo supposed that he actually did have a good time. "Yeah, I think I did. But I don't think he'll want to see me again for some time. I don't know, I just have a sense about these things. Even if I offered to go out to see him, I don't know that he would want that," Kuroo murmured.

It seemed that Kenma's eyes would probably get stuck if he rolled them any harder than he had been. They were constantly being rolled when Kuroo was around. "Kuroo, you don't know that he doesn't want to see you again. You just have to ask him if you want to see him again, you know. It doesn't have to be too difficult. You're making it harder than it has to be." Kenma picked up the picture of his family and he set it back on the desk, brushing off a bit of dust or something else from it.

A sigh escaped Kuroo's lips. "But what if this was all for nothing? What if he doesn't want to see me again?" Kuroo asked and he let out a bit of a whine. Kuroo was starting to become impossible at the moment, but once again, he just couldn't help it. Kenma had learned that by now, he was sure, but at this point in their friendship, Kuroo didn't bother wondering why Kenma still hung out with him.

That was something that Kenma knew very well though about Kuroo. He knew that Kuroo couldn't help the way he behaved around new people, he also knew that he was always cautious around new people and he didn't trust them easily. After Yume, Kuroo couldn't be expected to trust people easily anymore anyway. "All you can do is ask. I'm sure he'll want to see you again," Kenma said as he turned his attention back to his computer. He pulled up some form of computer game that Kuroo didn't understand and he turned his eyes away from watching Kenma on his computer. "Hey, don't torture me and make me get Bokuto over here. I don't want to deal with his loud personality today, so you need to cheer up." Kenma said.

With a sigh, Kuroo shrugged a bit. "Alright, I'll ask him tomorrow if he wants to see me again. Satisfied? I just don't want to seem too clingy," Kuroo said.

"But you are clingy," Kenma pointed out with a sidelong glance.

"Exactly. I don't want him to know that right now. He has time to figure that much out," Kuroo said as he pushed himself up to sit and he stretched his arms above his head." Kuroo huffed out a laugh after. Kenma knew exactly how clingy he was, so Kuroo didn't need to reveal that fact to anyone else right now. Bokuto knew how clingy he was, but Bokuto was equally as clingy, just for different reasons. His father had an idea of how clingy he was, but he tried to stay as uninvolved as he possibly could because he wanted Kuroo to live his own life. Kuroo knew he would be more involved if he let his father in, but Kuroo wasn't very good at letting people in. His dad knew enough that his son wasn't into anything too dangerous anyway.

Silence fell over the room and Kuroo let out a sigh. It was hardly enough to break the silence, and Kuroo didn't know that the silence was something that could be easily broken. But the two boys were comfortable with silence most of the time. "I think I'm going to head home," Kuroo said as he pushed himself up to stand. He could contemplate if Tsukishima wanted to see him again at home, he didn't need Kenma to listen to him or say things that Kuroo just didn't want to hear. Everything Kenma said was true, but that didn't mean that Kuroo wanted to hear it. That didn't mean that Kuroo needed to hear how much he thought he was messed up.

That was when Kenma just turned back to his laptop and he shrugged. "I'd say get home safely, but you're too close anyway, so... don't get hit by a person riding a motorcycle on the sidewalk, okay?" Kenma said sarcastically.

Snorting, Kuroo tried to not let that thought consume him too much. It was kind of funny though. It was also funny that Kenma was getting as sarcastic as he was, because he was a soft and gentle boy before he had entered high school. Sure, Kuroo knew that most of it was his doing anyway, but it was still a funny thought. Kuroo loved the fact that Kenma could joke around now. Maybe it was only when Kuroo was around and there weren't other people, but that was more than enough.

When Kuroo let himself out, he checked the sidewalk to make sure there weren't any crazy motorcyclists on the way, and he walked over to his apartment. His walk back wasn't very exciting, but his mind did wander to a head of blond hair, and he started to groan the moment he walked through the door. Would Tsukishima really want to see him again?

To his surprise though, his father was home and sitting at the table, eating a sandwich. "Oh, hey dad. I didn't know you were going to be home," Kuroo said.

With a sigh, his father looked up from his phone and set his sandwich down. "I didn't know I was either. Come sit down, okay?" his father said.

The look in his eye told Kuroo that something was wrong. It was something that told Kuroo that this conversation was not going to be an easy one. "Okay, what's up?" Kuroo asked as he slowly approached the table. "Should I go get a mask? Are you sick?" Kuroo asked. When his dad shook his head, Kuroo took a seat and looked his father over. It looked like maybe he had been crying and there was something wrong with that picture.

"I have something to tell you... So I... I heard from Yume, and apparently she's still doing okay, but she has gotten very sick in the last week or so. I... found out where she is, and I think I want to go visit her. You still have school, so I won't let you come with me to see her, but will you... be okay on your own for a few days? If not, I don't have to go. Just say the word," Kuroo's father looked at him and he could see the tears in his eyes.

So Yume has finally started to get worse and is going to officially leave the planet, huh? Kuroo closed his eyes and he bowed his head, taking a shaky breath. "Why can't I come with you...?" Kuroo asked in a quiet voice.

There was more silence in the room before finally, his father cleared his throat. "School, Tetsurou. You have school."

"But if she's dying, I want to be there with her!" Tetsurou yelled out. His eyes were very red and tears were threatening to spill over onto his cheeks. This was a very uncomfortable thing to be discussing at the moment and his father could feel the gravity of the entire thing.

With a sigh, his father shook his head. "School is too important. Maybe by next weekend, if she is still with us and I can convince her to let you come, I can send for you or you can take a train there. But from the sounds of things, Yume doesn't have that much time."

This had to be one of the worst things that Kuroo had heard. Someone that he had really cared about was going to die, and Kuroo couldn't even be there to help ease her suffering. Groaning out a long, painful sigh, Kuroo stood up and started to stomp off to his room before he stopped. Sundae had been laying on the couch, watching Kuroo.

Taking a breath, Kuroo kept his back to his father. "When she... passes, will I be allowed to come to the funeral?" he asked quietly, hoping that his father wouldn't say no to this. Kuroo was vibrating from frustration and anger right at that moment. He didn't know what could help calm him down.

Once again, there was a pause. "I wouldn't expect you to miss it," his father said after a moment.

Nothing else needed to be said, so Kuroo walked off to his bedroom and he groaned as he threw himself on the bed, after nearly shutting Sundae into the door. Cats were smart creatures and Kuroo had a feeling that Sundae knew that Yume was dying. There couldn't be anything worse, Kuroo thought.

If only there was a way to get Yume off of his mind, Kuroo would absolutely take it right then. He didn't want to think about this. He didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to get everything off of his mind right then and there, and he was desperate to do it. But what was he going to do?

A text message flashed across his phone and he looked at it, realizing it was Bokuto and that was probably a grand idea. Bokuto could help him, couldn't he? Kuroo pressed the phone icon near Bokuto's goofy picture and he put the phone on speaker so he could set the device down on his bed.

When Bokuto picked up, he went straight into conversation as he always did. "You have to tell me about this date, bro! Was it awesome?"

"Bokuto..." Kuroo murmured in a soft and sad voice. Kuroo was really sad at that moment and he wasn't sure what could possibly help it. Sure, Bokuto was probably the only cure for this right now, but Kuroo wasn't seeing it that way.

"What? Tell me about it! Does he like coffee and pastries at least? If not, he's not good enough for you and he's insane," Bokuto said.

"Bokuto, I just got bad news..." Kuroo murmured.

"Did you get another B on a test?" Bokuto asked.

With a sigh, Kuroo ran a hand over his face and he shook his head. He knew his friend meant well, but sometimes Bokuto could be such an idiot. "No, it's not that. That was only once and it's not going to happen again."

There was a pause and silence fell between the two boys. "Does... he not like pastries?" Bokuto asked, as if it were an actual serious question and as though it actually matter. It really didn't matter, but Bokuto thought it did.

"He likes pastries. He got something, a cupcake I think, but he likes them," Kuroo said.

"Oh good. If not, I would have had to gone to beat him up," Bokuto said. "So what is it then?" Bokuto asked as though it wasn't as important anymore.

With another silence settling over the boys, Kuroo closed his eyes and he squeezed his eyes shut to hold in the tears. "Remember Yume? Well... she's getting sicker and... and she's going to die really soon. My dad is going to be with her but he doesn't want me to miss that much school... But she's dying and... And it's awful," Kuroo said. His voice was shaking and wavering with every word, and if he were being honest, he wasn't sure how much made sense to Bokuto at that point. Right now though, Kuroo couldn't possibly care more.

"Tetsu... bro, I am so sorry. That is awful. Want me to come over? We can watch a movie and try to eat all the spicy chips again?" Bokuto asked.

Nothing seemed like it was going to help, and Kuroo honestly only called Bokuto to get his mind off of all of this. But of course, his mind couldn't let him forget about any of this. His mind wouldn't let him forget about what was being taken from him once again. People were always going to leave him and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. But at least he could try to make sense of it.

The thing was though, it never seemed to make sense. It never seemed to matter what happened in his life, something would me taken from him or someone would leave him. Sure, Yume wasn't leaving him intentionally, but that wasn't exactly how Kuroo saw this situation. It may have been better if he saw it like that and he realized that there were people that didn't want to hurt him purposely. But all he knew was that someone was leaving him and he would be left alone to figure things out on his own.

Taking a deep breath and trying not to let his tears fall, Kuroo shook his head for a moment. "No, you don't have to... I can manage, I just... needed to tell someone about this. I'm sorry..."

Bokuto let out a distressed sound, and it was a cross between a whine and a groan. Only Bokuto could make a sound like that. "Bro, you can't just sit in sadness. Let me come over to help you get your mind off of this. You don't deserve to be unhappy. You deserve to smile," Bokuto said.

That was when it happened. Kuroo started to feel the tears trickle down his skin and roll down to his chin. Did he really deserve this? Did he really deserve to be happy and to smile? Or did he actually deserve to suffer? He had to have done something that the heavens were mad at him for, or they wouldn't be treating him like this.

A shuddering cry escaped Kuroo's throat and he pressed his hand into his eye to try to rub the tears away. "Sure... c-come over. I don't care..." Kuroo murmured and he was breathing heavily, a waver to the air leaving his mouth and a wheezing sound could be heard on the way in.

They were only on the phone for another few moments before Bokuto hung up and Kuroo flipped over on his bed, pulling his knees in close to his chest. Was there nothing that could possibly go right in his life? Why did he always have to suffer? If he were being honest, he really wasn't sure he could do this anymore. He certainly didn't feel that he deserved to suffer, but that was all he seemed to be doing.

After about fifteen minutes, Bokuto bounded into his room and toppled onto Kuroo on his bed. At first, Kuroo's instinct told him to shove Bokuto off. But after a moment of Bokuto holding him, Kuroo crumbled in his arms and he let Bokuto hold him and shush him. "You're doing it..." Bokuto murmured as he held onto Kuroo's arm.

Kuroo looked down to his arm and he blinked. Bokuto was right.

It was after a particularly hard day at school that Kuroo had come home and Bokuto had come over hours later to find Kuroo laying on the floor, picking at his skin and making himself bleed. Kuroo didn't realize he was doing it. He was just picking at the dead skin on his arms until he was picking at skin that wasn't dead and he was making himself a bloody mess. Honestly, Kuroo didn't know he was doing it then and he was disgusted at himself for doing such a thing. Right now, he still didn't know that he was doing this, but he certainly wasn't disgusted at himself. He was just disgusted at his situation.

Sighing, Kuroo pulled away from Bokuto. "I didn't realize I was doing it. Sorry... I guess," Kuroo murmured as he looked at his arm. It was still bleeding, so Bokuto sat up and he started to stand. Kuroo knew that Bokuto was probably going to the bathroom to get some sort of bandage. When he came back, Kuroo knew he was right. He was also holding onto peroxide, which Kuroo hated the idea of, but he knew that it was necessary to clean up the mess. So he supposed it couldn't be avoided.

Letting Bokuto clean him up, Kuroo shook his head a bit. "Why does this have to happen to me? Why does she have to go and why do I have to suffer like this? Bokuto, this isn't fair..." Kuroo said.

"I don't know, Kuroo, but it's happening and there's no sense trying over any of this right now. It's sad, but it hasn't happened yet and you get to know that she is still alive right now, yeah? Your dad probably wouldn't let her die without telling you about it anyway. And aren't you going to the funeral?"

Kuroo forgot momentarily that Bokuto knew the whole story. He forgot that Bokuto listened to Kuroo cry about all of this for days when it first happened. But that was only because Kuroo was such a great friend. Bokuto wouldn't let Kuroo suffer alone through all of this. "Yeah... he said I could go to the funeral, I just... can't be with her until she actually passes. He won't let me miss school. But... it's not like I'll be able to focus anyway. So why not let me come see her? Why so I have to miss out on spending her last days with her? I know she didn't want us to have to worry about her, and she's survived a lot longer than the doctors thought she would, but... I want to see her!"

Throwing his head back, Kuroo groaned. He winced when Bokuto started to clean up his scratches with a cloth. Bokuto only meant well though, Kuroo knew that. "I know, but you wouldn't be following her wishes if you went to see her. Your dad isn't even following her wishes, because she didn't want anyone to be there when this happened, right? So... You shouldn't worry about being there. That was the whole reason she left, so just... think of it this way. If you don't go see her, then you're following her wishes."

What was this and where was the silly, goofy Bokuto that Kuroo was used to? He needed a distraction, not advice or how to live. Letting out a sigh, Kuroo shook his head a bit and he watched as Bokuto bandaged his arm. "I guess you're right... none of this is fair, but I guess it's just my life. Whatever I did in my past life better have been worth it, because I am suffering far too much and the heavens better be getting a laugh or something out of this," Kuroo said.

That was when Bokuto finished bandaging his arm and Kuroo pulled his arm away. "Well, if they want you to suffer, they're not doing a very great job of it by giving you the blond kid. How did your date go?" Bokuto asked as he smiled and set the cloth aside. Kuroo's dad would probably kill him for leaving a peroxide-covered cloth on the ground, but Kuroo couldn't care right now.

Thinking, Kuroo's mind was slowly brought to Tsukishima and the fun they had on the trip around Tokyo. "I don't think it was really a date. But... it was fun, I guess. We went to a movie and then we walked around Tokyo because he said he wanted to make reasons to not want to come back. I took that as he wasn't having a good time," Kuroo said.

Bokuto rose an eyebrow. "But if you think about it, he wanted to make reasons to not want to come back. So before then, he really wanted to come back. He likes you," Bokuto said with a grin. "My little boy is growing up. I'm so proud," Bokuto said with a fake cry and choking back emotion.

This was growing far too sickening for Kuroo. "But he was looking for reasons to not come back! Meaning he doesn't really want to come back," Kuroo complained as he leaned his head into his hand.

"Or, he doesn't want to spend so much money or time on the train? He doesn't want to come back because he would rather save his money and time, but he wants to come back because of you," Bokuto said as he pulled Kuroo's hand out from under his chin. "I think he really likes you. You'll just have to accept that," Bokuto said with a smile. "But if he starts taking up our bro time, I'm not going to like him anymore, I hope you know that," Bokuto said with narrowed eyes. "I will make it my mission to make him miserable if he starts taking you away from me."

Hearing that caused Kuroo to break down into laughter. "I wouldn't let him take me away from you. Nothing can take me away from you, I hope you know that," Kuroo said as he pulled his hand away from Bokuto once more. "Do you really think he likes me though?" Kuroo asked as his phone buzzed on his nightstand, signaling that he had a text message.

As he checked it over, Bokuto started to read over his shoulder. Kuroo could already hear the tease in Bokuto's voice. "I don't know, why don't you ask him now? Since he seems to be all over your phone right now," Bokuto said with a smirk.

It had been Tsukishima who had messaged him, so that was why Bokuto was so smug at the given moment. "Go away. I'm not asking him that," Kuroo said as he read Tsukishima's text, trying to block Bokuto from reading it.

**Tsukki Chan(19:06 PM)**  
_Hey, so I know it's only been a few hours, but I just wanted to tell you that I had a good time today. I wish you luck at your next game._

Humming, Kuroo smiled as he replied to Tsukki.

**Kuroo (19:07 PM)**  
_I had a really good time too. I was hoping we could do it again soon. I may need a distraction in the next week, and next weekend might not be a very good time, but we will find something that works. Question though... Did you consider that to be a date?_

Kuroo honestly wasn't expecting a response and he knew he that he told Bokuto he wasn't going to ask, but that didn't matter too much. Bokuto was pouting over the fact that Kuroo wouldn't let him see, and Kuroo sighed. "All he said was that he had a good time and he wished me luck at my next game. Happy?"

Perking up, Bokuto smiled. "Yeah! I told you he had a good time and he definitely likes you, bro. What did you say back?"

That was when Kuroo bit his lip and swallowed a bit. "I told him that next weekend might not be a good time to do it again, because I might have to go to a funeral. But... I also asked him if he thought that was a date," Kuroo said as he felt his cheeks warm up.

Bokuto gasped and stood up, going to take the peroxide back to the bathroom presumably. But he cheered when he came back. "I can't wait until he replies. It was definitely a date though, just you wait and see," Bokuto said.

When the door opened again, the two boys looked up to see Tetsurou's father standing there. "Hey, Bokuto. Could I ask you to leave? I love having you here, but I need to discus some things further with Tetsurou."

Nodding slowly, Bokuto started to walk towards the door. Without saying a word, he hugged Tetsurou's father and Mr. Kuroo stood there, slowly wrapping his arms around the boy. "I'm sorry for your loss. I hope everything is okay soon," Bokuto said before he pulled away.

Leaving, Bokuto shut the front door on the way out. It left Mr. Kuroo and Tetsu just looking at one another. "I may have told him about Yume... Sorry..." Tetsurou murmured as he looked down.

That was when his father shook his head. "I'm glad you have friends to talk to. Anyway... Are you sure you'll be okay for a few days? I plan on leaving tomorrow and have no idea how long I'll be away. You can always call me, but I'll be gone for at least a few days until you can see me again," he said.

Taking a breath, Kuroo's emotions were going into overdrive. "Yeah... I'll manage. Just let me know when it happens, please?" Kuroo asked his dad.

His father nodded and came inside his room to hug his son. they were wrapped in each other's embraces for a while before they pulled away. "I'll leave early tomorrow morning. Have a good night and let me know if you need me, okay?"

When his father left, Kuroo asked him to shut off the light and he curled back up on his bed. He was all alone and everything was so hard right now.

But there was one little thing disturbing the constant hurt, and it came in the form of a tall, blond boy, who was currently texting Kuroo.

**Tsukki Chan(19:10 PM)**  
_I guess I thought it was. I don't hate you, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing it again. Maybe you can some to me this time though?_


	6. Why Did You Leave Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I know I promised that I would get a chapter up of this within two weeks. I am so sorry that it didn't happen like that! But it's up now, so can you forgive me? I won't make a promise like that again. I love you all!

If anyone had told Kuroo that the next three weeks of his life would be easy, he would laugh in their face and call them a liar. He would want proof that it would be easy and he would still be skeptical when they had provided evidence.

That was the thing though. He knew he didn't have the correct luck and he would continue to suffer. He almost never lucked out.

The next three weeks of his life were certainly not easy. Not even slightly.

It would have been so much easier if his life and personal experiences were different. It would be much easier if things hadn't happened in his life the way they had happened and if he were less worried about getting hurt than he was. But Kuroo was always worried about getting hurt.

Kuroo's life was Kuroo's life, and he couldn't change that. He didn’t see how he possibly could, anyway.

First, the second date happened between himself and Tsukishima. While the date went well and Kuroo found himself laughing and actually having a good time, there was still the knowledge of what was happening to Yume at that very moment. Kuroo wasn't sure when it was going to happen, but he knew it was going to happen soon. So even though he had fun on the date, it was coupled with the looming emotions of dread.

Days later, the second thing happened. His mother had sent him a letter that he didn't even bother to read. He just shoved the letter in his desk drawer with all of the other ones. He didn't care if there was something in there for his dad, he didn't care if it was something that others would consider to be important. He just didn't care about her anymore. But even if he didn’t care, he still received the letter and it still caused him to think about his mother and everything bad going on in his life.

Finally, after a few more days, his father called him while he was at school and asked him to step away from his classes so he could get Kuroo on the phone with Yume. Apparently, she was very close to passing, and she wanted to hear Kuroo’s voice.

"Y-Yume-san?" Kuroo asked through a watery expression. He was very glad at the time that there was no one around to witness his tears. Kuroo had gone outside and stood by the back entrance to the gym where they held volleyball practices.

There was a bit of a pause, but after a moment, Kuroo heard a voice he hadn't heard in a rather long time. "Tetsurou, dear... hey, darling. How are you?" she asked softly. She definitely sounded weak and just hearing her caused Kuroo to start to tear up just a little more. The tears were stinging his eyes, but he felt he deserved the pain. He hated knowing just how weak she was though. She certainly didn’t deserve this.

With a sniffle and using his sleeve to wipe his face, Kuroo took a breath after. "I'm alright. I... want to be there with you, but with school, I couldn't come..." There was no use telling Yume that his father wouldn't let him come because he had school. What good would that have done, to give her a sad dying memory? "I love you, Yume San. Is my dad treating you okay?" Tetsurou asked.

That was when he felt a hand on his back and Tetsu flinched so hard that he nearly rammed into the wall he was using to support himself against. When he looked back, he saw Kenma standing there with a sad expression on his face. But Kuroo knew that Kenma was only there to support him, so Kuroo absolutely appreciated this. "Yeah, Tetsurou, he's treating me very well. How is Sundae doing?" she asked, and Kuroo leaned his back against the wall this time, so he wouldn't have an unexpected surprise again.

That was when Kuroo thought back to Yume’s cat, who was at home right then. "Oh, Sundae is alright. I think she senses that you aren't doing so well, though. She's been moping around..." he said truthfully. "But I will make sure she's okay. I've been caring for her and she's having a good life." When Tetsurou closed his eyes, he wished that this wasn't happening right now. Sure, talking to Yume was great, but the reason he was talking to her wasn't so grand. Why did this all have to happen right this second? Why couldn’t she hold out for another few days? He knew that wasn’t how life happened, at least not for him.

Yume had made a soft sound of appreciation and Tetsurou smiled for a moment. "I want you to know that I love you. You're important to me and I care about you so much. Thank you for being a part of my life and giving me memories to take with me for my travels into the next life," Yume said. “I’m sorry I left… I-I’m sorry that I didn’t stay, but I just… didn’t want you to see me being so weak…”

That was something that Tetsurou didn't want to hear and he flinched again, only this time it wasn't because Kenma had snuck up on him. It was because he just wasn't ready to let go. Tetsurou didn't bother wiping the tears anymore and he felt Kenma lean against him, trying his hand at being supportive through more touch, which Tetsu could honestly say that he appreciated the gesture right then. He needed support. He needed someone to be there for him. Since his father was with Yume, it left Kenma and Bokuto.

Bokuto was at his own school, so he didn't know anything about this right now. That left Kenma.

"Y-Yume... I love you and care about you so much too..." He sniffled, trying to be as strong as he could as he spoke. But his voice was weak and had so much cracking within it right then. There was rustling of the phone and finally, it was his father that was speaking. Kuroo didn’t want this conversation to be over. He wanted to keep talking to her. He wanted to hold onto Yume through her last breath. But unfortunately, Kuroo knew that it wasn’t going to happen.

After a deep breath, Tetsurou’s father started to speak with a sad voice, filled with emotion. "It won't be long now, Tetsu. I will text you when it happens. I love you," Kuroo's father had said before the phone was disconnected.

The entire world had stopped. Kuroo let the phone fall from his grasp and his hand fell down. Luckily enough, Kenma was there to catch the phone and keep Kuroo standing. If Kenma weren't there, Kuroo had no idea what he would do.

It took maybe a full minute of Kuroo just staring out ahead of himself before he simply crumbled. If it weren't for Kenma, he would have collapsed onto the ground. But Kenma held him up and held the boy close, just letting him sob away all of the misery. All Kuroo was capable of thinking and feeling was he had the worst luck, and he just wanted to know why this was all happening. Why him? Why now? Why was it someone he cared about that had to go through this?

Kenma stood there, silently holding Kuroo for a while until he started to shush Kuroo to hopefully calm him down. Eventually, Kenma would have to go back to class, but he couldn't just leave Kuroo here like this. "Hey... come on, we're going to take you to the nurse’s office so they can let you go home. You can't stay. Not today," Kenma murmured. But he didn't pull back and he stood there for another few moments with Kuroo before he started to pull back and shift so they could walk together.

This was misery. This was pain. This was suffering. Kuroo had felt it all before, but it just kept coming back to hurt him further and further. He knew that other people had it worse in the world, but he just couldn't see those people right now and he didn't care. He was suffering and the pain in his chest was making it hard to breathe.

Kenma walked Kuroo to the health office and set Kuroo down in a chair before he went to explain the situation quietly, so Kuroo wouldn't hear what was going on and so Kuroo didn’t have to explain anything to anyone in his current condition. Kuroo just sat there, looking down at his shaking hands until he felt Kenma press something into them. He put Kuroo's phone back into his hands, as he had been holding onto it still. "Call me or text me if you need me, okay? I'm going back to class. I'm so sorry, Kuroo," Kenma had stated before he walked away and left Kuroo there. There was a trickle of sadness in Kenma’s eyes that Kuroo could see, but he knew it was all pity.

He was drowning. He was trying to breathe when there was no air left. There was no Yume there to comfort him and tell him it was all okay. Sure, she hadn't been around for a year now, but Yume had become a big part of his life and now she was just _gone_. There was nothing about this that was fair in his mind. There was nothing about this that was good, and Kuroo wouldn't try to make best of this situation. What was there that could make any of that better?

The nurse let Kuroo sit for a while and she kept offering him juice or snacks, but Kuroo didn't want any of that. He wanted to be home. He wanted to be away from everyone. He wanted to sleep and not wake up for a long time. "I'm going home..." Kuroo murmured as he pushed himself up to stand. He already had permission to take a day to himself and he was allowed to go home, although the nurse was a little skeptical at the moment.

She stood up when he did and she stood in front of him. "Please call my office when you do get home, okay? I just want to make sure you get there safely."

"Why?" he asked, furrowing his brow and giving her a look that told her that he was angry. "Why do you care? Why does it matter if one more bratty child gets home safe so he can come back and continue to be a bratty child in school to make your life more difficult?" he asked and his voice had raised.

Silence fell over the room and stilled everything around. Kuroo dropped his gaze and he shook his head. "I'm sorry... I will call when I get home, I promise..." Kuroo said quietly and he looked back up to the nurse. She could see that he really was sorry and felt bad for his behavior, so she stepped aside and held open the door for him. He was just going through something difficult right now. "Thanks," he murmured as he stepped out. 

Now Kuroo had to go get his bag. He would have just left it at school, but Kuroo didn't know when he was going to be back tomorrow or anytime soon and he didn't know if he would have homework he could do online or not until his teachers sent him an email. So he went to his locker and he grabbed his school things before he left.

Finally, Kuroo let himself out of the school building. He walked himself down the street and he kept his gaze down until he felt something vibrating in his pocket. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulled out his phone to see that someone had messaged him. It was his father and Kuroo wasn't too sure that he wanted to read that message. He had a feeling he knew what the message was going to say, so he just put his phone back in his pocket and continued to walk home.

It took him a lot longer to get home than it normally would have, as he wasn't used to walking home. He would usually take the bus or get a ride from someone, but he figured that walking would be good for him for some reason. As he stepped inside his apartment, he closed the door and went straight towards his room, throwing his bag and jacket into a pile before he just let out a hoarse yell. Nothing about this was fair and nothing was going to be right about this situation again. He made a quick call to the school nurse to tell him he was home before just going back to his normal suffering.

Kuroo was in a self-destructive mood, apparently. He went to his desk drawer and pulled open the drawer that he put all of his letters in, the ones from his mother and the one that told him that Yume was leaving him for good. The very first thing he did was read the letter that Yume left for him. As he opened that letter, Sundae had jumped up on his bed and laid down next to Kuroo when he had taken a seat on his bed. She definitely had an idea that something was wrong.

Sniffling, Kuroo read through Yume's long letter a few times and he finally set it down on his bed, letting out a sob to show that he was definitely not okay. Nothing about this situation was okay. Nothing about any of this was going to be okay again. He currently hated everything right now and he just didn't want to exist anymore.

After a few minutes of self-pity, Kuroo looked at the other letters that he had pulled out. He pulled out the letter that his mom sent him a few days ago that he didn't bother opening before. He actually had a couple of letters that he hadn't opened. Regardless of how many times he or his father tried to tell her that he wasn't going to write her back, or the amount of times that they told her to leave him be, she just wouldn't leave him alone.

Her messages weren't threatening or demanding in anyway though, so there wasn't much that the police could do about this. They could try to get a restraining order, but both Kuroo and his father felt that doing that would be a little over the top. He would just have to tolerate a life where his mother kept trying to get back into his life.

As Kuroo sat on his bed, he looked over the three unopened letters from his mother. They were all from this last year and he knew that none of them had to be of any importance, or she would have tried to contact his dad. The last one she sent was sitting on the top of the pile, and he stared at it, taking in how swirly her handwriting was. It was neat handwriting, but it made him sick to see sometimes. "I hate you..." he whispered before he tore open the letter and started to read it.

_Tetsurou,_

_Hi darling, it's your mother. I love you so very much and I know you don't believe it, but I wish you could find it in your heart to believe that I did. But I know I haven't made it easy for you to believe such things, so I don't blame you for not wanting to believe that from me._

_I just wanted to tell you that you mean so much to me. I am throwing a party in a couple of weeks and I was hoping you'd be there to meet my friends! It's okay if you'd rather not come, but it would mean the world to me if you came. It's going to be on the 11th of next month. I know you have school the next day and I know you are probably busy with school and sports, but just know that I want you to be there so we can catch up._

_I don't need to know if you want to be there, you can just show up without telling me. Either way, just know that I love you and I will always love you. I know I've missed a few over the years, but I really am trying to change that. My address is the one on the envelope and that's where the party is. You're free to come see me at any time. You don't even have to announce that you're coming. My door will always be open to you._

_I miss you and I love you. I hope to see you soon and I hope you and your father are doing well. I hope the new girl that he is with is doing well too, as I want to see him happy._

_Love,_

_Your momma bear_

Kuroo stared at the letter and just blinked at it for a moment. What in the world was this supposed to be? Why would she invite him to a party? One, he didn't want to hang out with people her age. Two, they were likely going to be doing things that were too old for him. Sure, he was getting closer to being an adult, but that time still hadn't come to pass.

Finally, what in the world gave her the right to mention his father’s new love interest? How did his mother even know about Yume? Thinking about her just made Kuroo want to get sick.

He groaned as he set all of the letters down on his bed. He held his head in his hand and he leaned back into his pillows finally. He wanted to sleep and he wanted all of this to just go away. His life didn't have to be so bad. Did it though? It felt like he would never get to a place in his life that he was just no longer suffering.

That was when his phone vibrated and signaled that someone was texting him. He blinked away the tears and he looked at the message from Tsukki. It couldn't even make him smile at the moment. Usually, Tsukishima could get him to smile. But right now, it seemed to be about impossible.

**Tsukki Chan (10:47AM)**

_Hey, are you okay? I heard that you might not be in the best spirits right now and I just wanted to make sure you were managing._

Snorting, Kuroo put a hand over his face and let out a painful laugh before he started to reply back. Apparently, Kenma had told Tsukishima about Yume and had explained the situation that Kuroo was in at the moment. Kenma was a good friend, but Kuroo wasn't sure that he really wanted to chat with Tsukki about all of this right now. He didn't know if he wanted Tsukki to know that he was suffering as much as he really was. But it was a bit too late right now. Their relationship was a little too new to be discussing such serious things, wasn’t it?

**Kuroo (10:49 AM)**

_Nope. I'm not okay. I don't even know if I'm actually managing either, but I will make it through. Just... need distractions._

Maybe, just maybe, Tsukki would leave him alone. That would be good. Although, it really would probably be best if Tsukki distracted him like he said that he needed. That would be a grand move to make. Kuroo couldn't just come out and say that he wanted Tsukishima to distract him though.

Really, what he wanted was to be held. He needed Bokuto. He needed a strong chest to lean against and cry into. But Bokuto wasn't there right now. Kuroo wasn't even sure if Bokuto knew. If Kenma had anything to do with Tsukki though, he was sure that Kenma had also messaged Bokuto about this. It was a laugh and Bokuto was probably already on his way to Kuroo's apartment, even though he had school and didn't ask.

**Tsukki Chan (10:50 AM)**

_I'll skip practice today. I'll be there by five. Just hold out for me, okay? I'll even try to leave class early. Maybe Yams can cover for me._

It was kind of comical for Kuroo to think that the sweet boy who had hooked them up in the beginning would be able to cover for Tsukki if he left class early and came to distract Kuroo from the pain he was feeling right now.

If Kuroo was being completely honest to himself, he would say that he absolutely wanted Tsukishima to be there. But if he were being even more honest, he didn't want Tsukishima to be there to watch him hurting the way that he was. Kuroo was suffering and he wanted to suffer without anyone else seeing him suffer.

What Kuroo wanted was to drink.

Pushing himself up, Kuroo walked out of his bedroom and went to the kitchen, reaching into his father's alcohol cabinet. He wouldn't drink too much to hurt himself. He wasn't an alcoholic or anything, he just wanted to numb the pain. He wanted all of the emotions inside of him to just not matter anymore. But he wasn't so sure that he'd be able to pull this off. He might get yelled at by his father when he got home, but Kuroo didn't care right now.

Kuroo only cared that he felt better.

Opening up a bottle of whiskey, Kuroo poured it into a glass and went to the freezer to get some ice. He also mixed in some lemonade from the fridge and then leaned against the counter.

That was when he downed the entire drink in a matter of just a few seconds. He mixed a second one and then downed that drink as well before he made a third one and brought it to his bedroom.

He knew the alcohol would take a minute or two to hit his system, but he was just waiting for the feeling of being numb again. He was waiting for the sensation of relief he would feel without having those emotions running around inside of him. This was what he needed.

**Kuroo (10:55 AM)**

_Do whatever. I'm numb. See you later._

Kuroo waited for another few moments before he smiled. The alcohol was hitting, and it was definitely making things a bit better. He started to laugh as he looked at the letter from his mom and he shook his head. Maybe he should have gone to her party. Maybe she would have given him alcohol to make him feel better.

That was when Kuroo's bedroom door opened up and Kuroo looked up to see Bokuto, just standing there with a saddened look on his face. He then made a face at Kuroo and he shook his head. "You didn't... no, Kuroo... Tell me you didn't drink. Tell me you're not... that's not alcohol, is it?" Bokuto asked as he pointed to the glass that was sitting on Kuroo's night stand.

Looking up to Bokuto, Kuroo snorted softly. "It is what it is, Bo. It's good and it makes me feel great," Kuroo said as he leaned back into his mattress, smiling. "I wanted it. It makes me feel better about her."

With a sigh, Bokuto came over to Kuroo's bed and climbed in next to him. "I'm sorry that she's gone, Kuroo. I'm sorry that you are going through this. But that's no excuse to turn to alcohol. Think about how much that is disrespecting her. Think about what she would want you to do about this. You can get through this, you know. You don't need to alcohol to get you through it, either. And what is Tsukishima going to think about this? Aren't you two finally dating or some shit? He wouldn't approve of this behavior I bet," Bokuto said as he reached an arm around Kuroo and hugged him.

They stayed like that for a little while and Kuroo sighed. He didn't want to cry again. He didn't want to get emotional again. It hurt too much to do those things for too long. What was the good of crying over Yume? What was the use in crying over something he couldn't have again? It made no sense, so he wasn't going to cry about it. He wasn't going to let himself get upset again.

Although, Bokuto did have a point. What was Tsukki going to think? Kuroo didn't want Tsukishima to think that this was the person he was, and he didn't want Tsukishima to think that Kuroo was the type to run away when things got to be difficult or hard. Letting out a sigh, Kuroo leaned himself into Bokuto's chest and he stayed there. This was a difficult situation to be in, Kuroo thought. "He's... trying to get out of class early. If he can't, he's going to skip practice either, and he'll be here by five."

It hadn't been long, but Kuroo was already sobering up a little bit. He felt bad for turning to the alcohol and he felt guilty for letting himself be lured in by the temptation of trying to numb his emotions. But it was done now, so what was there to be done? "I bet he'll find a way to get out of class. He wants to be here for you. Now hey... Let's get you showered and all cleaned up for when he does show up."

Bokuto was such a good friend. Kuroo didn't know what he did to deserve him. Bokuto was probably just a gift from the heavens to try to make up for all of the shit they had been putting him through. It was a nice gesture from them, either way. "Yeah... a shower sounds nice..." Kuroo murmured as he sat up and he watched as Bokuto smiled to him.

"Good. I'll be here. Go shower and get that alcohol smell away," Bokuto said as he sat up too. Kuroo stood up and he went to the bathroom to go rinse himself clean of the alcohol smell. It wasn't a very appealing smell, Kuroo figured. He didn't want Tsukishima to smell it.

Although, did Kuroo really smell like alcohol? He hadn't had a lot and he knew that it took a lot for someone to smell like alcohol. Or it just took someone spilling it on themselves. Kuroo hadn't done that, so it was a tad confusing as to why Kuroo smelled like alcohol. He definitely didn't spill it on himself and he really didn't think that it could have been that bad.

Either way though, Kuroo was pretty sure that he was going to shower anyway. Maybe it would help sober him up and help him think through these emotions of his. He really did just want to be distracted. But after all of this, he was sure that thinking about anything to do with Yume was going to hurt him even more, and that was something he desperately didn't want.

Kuroo climbed into the shower after he got undressed and he let the hot water run over his skin. For some, it may have been too warm. For others, it would have been scalding. For Kuroo right now, it wasn't warm enough. He wanted to feel the pain. He wanted the physical pain to wash away the emotional pain he was feeling and override his pain center right now. He wasn't sure that was going to happen, but he had to try.

After about five minutes, the bathroom door opened up and Kuroo listened to see what was going on. "Kuroo, bro, you really should turn that down. The steam is fogging up the window and the mirror in here, and I could see the steam coming out from under the door," Bokuto said before he shut the door. He was right, of course. Kuroo really should turn the heat down so he wasn't hurting himself more.

Finally, Kuroo did turn the heat down. He actually just turned the water off and stood there, letting the water drip off his skin. He felt the chill of the cold air that started to surround the bathroom and he felt a shiver work its way up his spine. But Kuroo wasn't going to let this bother him. He liked suffering right now. He liked feeling the physical pain more than the mental pain, because he could usually sense an end to the physical pain. With mental pain, there seemed to be no end.

Slowly, Kuroo finally climbed out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. He opened up the bathroom door and went to his room, only to find that Bokuto wasn't in there anymore. Where could the boy have gone? Honestly, he was probably stuffing his face with whatever was in the fridge and eating all of the food that Kuroo had left to his disposal. Kuroo didn't care though, he knew what Bokuto was like.

A pajama day was definitely what was needed, Kuroo thought as he pulled on some sweatpants and an old shirt that he had worn to about death. He was comfortable in it though, so he decided not to care what anyone thought. Finally, Kuroo went out to the living room and looked into the kitchen to see Bokuto making a sandwich. He was so predictable, that one. After a bit, Kuroo took a seat at the dining room table and he sighed, wondering what antics Bokuto was going to try to distract Kuroo.

"Bro, you're going to perish. Here, I'll make another one. Take this sandwich," Bokuto said as he walked over to Kuroo with a sandwich in his hands. Kuroo wasn't hungry in the slightest, but if it would make Bokuto stop pestering him and worry just a little less, Kuroo figured he would try to eat the sandwich. Although, Bokuto put strange things in his sandwiches generally, so Kuroo wasn't sure that he'd be able to stomach one of Bokuto's sandwiches right now.

Kuroo took the sandwich and looked at Bokuto before he took a breath and then a bite of the sandwich in his hand. It wasn't bad, but Kuroo just wasn't hungry. It also reminded Kuroo of when Yume would make him lunches and prepare him foods, which was another reason why he was struggling to eat right now. "Bo... Could we maybe play a game or something? I just... can't keep thinking about Yume anymore..." There were emotions laced in Kuroo's voice and it had to tell Bokuto that Kuroo was definitely not okay.

Bokuto came over once he was finished with his sandwich. "Sure. I'm still so sorry that you're going through this. When I told Akaashi about it, he told me that skipping class to come help you was stupid but that I had to do it, so I'll be here to help you through whatever today, okay?"

A hum left Kuroo's mouth and he took another bite of Bokuto's sandwich. "So what should we play? I have that game that you've been talking about lately that we can play, or we have the old classics,” Kuroo said. Kuroo was ignoring what Bokuto said so he could try to forget that he even needed a distraction, which he was trying to heal from all of this emotional hurt.

That was what he needed. He needed to forget.

It seemed to be about useless right now though. He wasn't sure he was going to forget anything right then. He also wasn't sure if he could handle Bokuto being loud and yelling at the television. If Kuroo were being completely honest, he wasn't sure why he even suggested playing a game. Sighing gently, he threw himself back into the chair and settled his sandwich plate on his lap. "Forget the game actually. I'm sorry Bokuto, I'm just... not sure what I need right now," Kuroo murmured and he kept his eyes away, trying to hide the tears that were forming.

Bokuto leaned over and he wrapped an arm around Kuroo. "It's alright, bro. We don't have to do anything. We can just sit here if that's all you want. We can talk. We can do anything," Bokuto said quietly before he hummed and he took another bite of his sandwich.

That was when Kuroo's phone started to buzz and he looked at it to see that Tsukki was texting him once more.

**Tsukki Chan (11:38AM)**

_I'm on my way. Yams is going to cover for me. I'll see you soon._

Kuroo let out a bit of a sigh. "I don't know if I even want to see you..." Kuroo murmured sadly before he groaned and threw his head back. "Tsukki is going to be here in two hours, so... That's a thing..."

When Bokuto heard that, he smiled. "Good, he'll get your mood up. I trust him," Bokuto said and he took Kuroo's plate off of his lap. Kuroo wasn't even aware that he had finished it. Time was just moving at such a strange pace today. "By the way, bro, your skin is all red. I think that shower was really too hot. Does it hurt?"

Looking at his arms, Kuroo noticed that he was definitely a bit more pink than normal. He had done a very dumb thing by getting in that shower and keeping it as hot as it was. He was usually smarter than this. But his emotional state was making very irrational choices right then. “No, I’m fine…” Kuroo murmured, looking away from his skin and trying to find something else to distract himself with.

For the next two hours, Bokuto and Kuroo just sat around. There was a half hour that Kuroo cried out his emotions and Bokuto held him, but they were just sitting around and relaxing otherwise, which was probably best for Kuroo.

The two boys flinched when there was a knock at the door and Kuroo let out a huff. He knew it was Tsukki, but Kuroo just didn't have the nerve to go answer it right then. At the same time though, he wasn't sure that he was really up for introducing his best friend to the boy he had been dating. They knew of each other, they just hadn't officially met.

Although, what was Kuroo going to do about this? Bokuto was there and Kuroo couldn’t just tell Bokuto to sneak out the back. Bokuto went to go answer the door and he let Tsukki inside, who just nodded to Bokuto politely. "I'm the one that messaged you, by the way. I'm Bokuto. Sorry that I just randomly had your number, but... I wanted to make sure I had it in case you treated my bro poorly."

Kuroo had absolutely no idea that Bokuto had gotten Tsukki's number and Kuroo shrunk into the couch, feeling the embarrassment. "I can leave you two alone though, just message me when you leave?" Bokuto asked Tsukishima.

The blonde looked at Bokuto and he blinked for a moment. "Oh, uh... yeah. I'll message you, sure. Thanks for letting me know what was going on," Tsukishima said before he made his way over to the couch.

"Sure, sure. I'll see you later, Kuroo. Take care of him, Tsukki," Bokuto said.

"It's Tsukishima, but I will," Tsukki said before he took a seat on the couch.

After another few moments, the front door opened and then it closed. The two boys just sat on the couch in silence for a few minutes before Kuroo turned to look at Tsukki. "Hey..." Kuroo murmured before he turned his eyes away. "I'm uh... I'm sorry about him. He means well, but... I didn't know he got your number. I thought it was Kenma that messaged you. I'll talk to him about this..."

That was when Tsukishima took a breath and moved in a little closer to Kuroo. "No, it’s alright. He told me that Kenma was the one that messaged him. Bokuto just told me because he thought you could use some support. It's all good though, I don't mind that he has my number. It’s good that your friends have my number. And, well… That's what the block function was created for," Tsukishima said.

A dry chuckle had left Kuroo's mouth. It was short and forced, and Kuroo had a feeling that Tsukki could tell. His suspicions were confirmed when Tsukishima leaned against him and wrapped his arms around Kuroo. Tsukki wasn’t the touchy type, or Kuroo didn’t think he was, so Kuroo could tell that Tsukishima was trying to do this for him. It was appreciated, absolutely. "Why..." Kuroo whispered before he settled against Tsukishima's hold and he wrapped his arms around Tsukishima in return. "Why is this happening? I don't deserve this..." Kuroo sniffled a bit before his tears started to stream down his cheeks. "Do I? This is too much..."

Kuroo didn't really believe that he didn't deserve to suffer like he was. He thought he actually did deserve to suffer and the heavens were trying to punish him for something he did. Kuroo had no idea what he had done, but he thought that he deserved this regardless. "I know. But it's happening... because it was time. Science just isn't advanced enough yet to save everyone. I wish it was, but it's just not sadly. But hey, now we can move on from that, right?" Tsukki asked gently. He was rubbing his hands up and down Kuroo's back as Kuroo cried.

Shaking his head, Kuroo let out a bit of a sob. He did really think this was too much to handle. He couldn't imagine how his dad was feeling right then, as Kuroo knew that his dad and Yume were in love in a romantic sense. But Kuroo was too wrapped up in his own emotional hurt right then to really think about his father. "I... I don't want to m-move on... Sh-she's gone, Tsukki..." Kuroo sobbed even harder and he adjusted himself so he was fully pressed against Tsukishima right then, letting out all of his emotions and just trying to ground himself from all of these feelings.

It took a few moments of Tsukishima shushing him and holding him for Kuroo to finally be okay enough to pull back and to feel better just slightly. It was nice to get out a cry with someone who cared about him. "Hey... When do you have to go home?" Kuroo asked as he rubbed his eyes and he moved to stand up.

Tsukishima was right there to help him when he stumbled a bit. But that was when Tsukishima shrugged. "I'm skipping practice already and... well, there is school tomorrow, but I can catch the 9:30 train back home, that's not a problem. I'm yours all day," Tsukishima said as he sat back down and watched as Kuroo started to put a movie in. "Good distraction," Tsukishima praised, smiling at the movie choice that Kuroo had made.

Shrugging, Kuroo turned on the movie and went back to relax with Tsukishima. The two boys had relaxed and watched the movie. They did a lot of pointless things that afternoon and evening, but it was definitely needed. This was the distraction that Kuroo had needed.

Finally, it was time for Tsukishima to go home and they stood on Kuroo's doorstep for a moment. "You can get through this," Tsukishima said. They were standing close to one another and the two boys reached out to touch one another, trying their best to bring one another a bit closer.

Their faces came closer together and eventually, their foreheads were resting together. That was when Kuroo simply closed his eyes and he closed the distance between their lips. They shared their first kiss and it sent sparks flying. They were small sparks, but they were there. The sparks would have been more had it been a different situation. Their lips molded together and they weren't entirely willing to pull away from one another, until Tsukishima pulled back to breathe. They looked at each other and they smiled to one another, just happy to see each other right then. "Alright, I have to go. I don't want to miss the train," Tsukishima said quietly.

Nodding, Kuroo let go of Tsukishima, still smiling softly. "Tell me when you get on the train?" Kuroo asked as he reached for Tsukki's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before Kuroo pulled back to let Tsukishima go.

"Yeah, I will. See you soon," Tsukishima said. There was a gentle pink blush on his cheeks, but his look was soft and caring. It was very unlike Tsukishima, but maybe this was a soft and gentle side that Kuroo just didn't know about yet. If Kuroo were being honest, he enjoyed this side of Tsukishima.

The two boys parted and Kuroo closed the door before going back to the couch. He honestly felt the relief that being distracted had brought about, and not having a care in the world right then. He knew that the feeling would probably stick around, the euphoria of being kissed, but he was dreading subconsciously the feeling of being alone. He didn’t want to start thinking about Yume San.

It was only ten minutes later that there was a knock at the door and Kuroo got up to answer it. It was Kenma, and Kenma pushed forward to wrap his arms around Kuroo the moment that Kuroo opened to door for him. This was very unlike Kenma and Kuroo was a little at a loss right then. "I... hey?" Kuroo said as he wrapped his arms around Kenma in return, not used to being hugged by Kenma.

"Are you okay?" Kenma asked before he pulled away from the hug and gave Kuroo a once over before he stepped inside the apartment.

This was very unusual behavior for Kenma to be displaying and Kuroo was genuinely confused. "Uh... yes? I'm just... I'm actually pretty happy. Tsukki and I... we kissed when he was leaving. That was our first, so..." Kuroo started to smile and he walked over to the couch.

Kenma took a seat on the couch after Kuroo. "Oh, well good. I'm glad you're okay. I'd have to kick your ass if you weren't okay, you know." Kuroo looked at Kenma and he snickered a bit. Although, Kuroo was sure that Kenma could hold his own in a fight if he had to. There was no doubt about that one. "So I can go back to my apartment. Alright, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Kenma said as he stood up.

It was rather odd that Kenma had come over to ask such a question, but Kuroo hadn't figured out everything there was to figure out about Kenma just yet. Kuroo knew he still had things to figure out, even after years of friendship. "I'm okay..." Kuroo said, but now that Kenma was there, he was wondering if he was really okay or not.

Finally, Kenma went towards the door, but Kuroo had produced an awkward noise. It was between a squeak and a cry, which caused Kenma to look back at him right then. "N-no... No I'm really not..." Kuroo said. He thought he was, and his kiss with Tsukki had left him all tingly and feeling nice. But if he were being honest, Kuroo wasn't sure he would ever be okay after this whole Yume thing.

Coming back to the couch, Kenma sat back down with Kuroo with a sigh. "I had a feeling you weren't."

He really wasn't. It would be weeks before he was actually okay after all of this. It would take time to actually be okay. But one Kenma hug after another and other soft kisses with Tsukishima had helped him through.

Now though, Kuroo was wondering just what life was going to throw at him next. He wasn't sure he would be ready for another heart break. He didn't know that he could handle something like this again.

Luckily enough, he had his friends and boyfriend to help him through. Luckily enough, he was going to manage through all of it with the help of people he was close with. Although, Kuroo would develop some annoying habits soon enough. He would make things more annoying and he would hurt himself more while trying to make his life as good as he thought it could possibly be.

Tsukishima would be the first one to be on the receiving end of these annoying habits, and it caused Tsukishima to wonder just what he was doing in a relationship with a damaged boy to begin with. He just didn't know the extent of that damage right yet. He would certainly find out what the extent was soon enough, but for now, he would just have to suffer through all of the annoying things that were coming up right then.

Was it really worth being with Kuroo through all of this? Tsukishima wasn't sure, but he was willing to wait to find out. He needed to know if his first kiss was going to amount to something. He needed to know if the crazy-haired volleyball captain was enough to wait through all of the crazy.


	7. Where is All of This Coming From?

Numbness was a very consistent feeling for the current time. In all honesty, it was easier to go numb than it was to feel anything else. Late for class and have to stay after? It happens. Classmate stole a lunch from someone? Too bad. It started raining for the walk home? Being dry is overrated anyway.

This was Kuroo's constant mood lately, and everyone around him could feel it. He could no longer fake being happy. He could no longer fake his happy go lucky attitude. It brought everyone down around him, but Kuroo couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

Why couldn't he bring himself to care? There was almost no point to caring anymore, because life was just going to be taken away from him anyway. He couldn't seem to keep anything worthwhile in his life, so what was the purpose of faking a smile or pretending that things were good, or even just okay? He couldn't, because they weren't okay.

Though, there were two good things that seemed like they would continue to stick around: Kuroo's friends would always be there, and then there was Tsukishima.

Tsukishima seemed to be sticking around.

Why?

Kuroo asked himself this question every single day that they spent time together, or they messaged one another, or they were on a video call. Why did Tsukishima want to stick around? Kuroo certainly wasn't doing anything to make Tsukishima want to stay, and he wasn't trying anymore, so it made no sense that he would want to stay.

But he stayed anyway. It was perplexing for Kuroo to think about, but he did think about it frequently and he wanted to know what was going on in Tsukishima's mind, or what was so bad in his life that made him think he deserved to have a dead weight like Kuroo.

Every single time he tried to bring it up to Bokuto or Kenma though, they would shoot him down and tell him he was overthinking things, or he was just being dramatic. Bokuto had even hit him across the face a few times. Kenma had walked away when Kuroo would bring up the fact that he wasn't enough for Tsukishima. It was honestly really unsettling to think about. But Kuroo would just have to deal with the fact that Tsukishima wanted to stick around.

It might have to do with how he brought it up, though. He always brought it up as a self-deprecation. He should stop doing that, probably.

Granted, they did seem to have a fun time whenever they hung out together. Tsukki and Kuroo had gone to dinner one night, and they made jokes at the menu, had fun with the waiter, and they took a long walk that night to finish off their date. They had also been to the museum to take pictures, which they went and got printed up, and they also went to an adventure center, where Tsukishima spent the entire time cursing at the fact that he was too lanky and tall for the rock wall.

They always seemed to have a good time, but Kuroo wasn't doing anything to try to keep Tsukishima around. So why did he want to keep Kuroo? Why didn't he run away? Sure, it would be awkward if they played another practice match, or actually played a head-to-head game and they had broken up, but he was sure Tsukishima was mature enough to get over that fact.

This entire idea of Tsukishima wanting to stick around for no real reason had Kuroo a bit annoyed. What was Tsukishima hiding from him? The possibilities were endless, honestly. So when Kuroo had picked Tsukishima up from the train station that weekend and the two boys met in a hug, Kuroo pulled back rather quickly and it seemed to throw Tsukishima off. "Well hi," Tsukishima said.

Kuroo stared at Tsukishima as he pulled out his phone, and Kuroo watched as he tapped away at his screen, clearly texting someone. "H-how was the train?" Kuroo asked, trying to get Tsukishima's attention.

It took a few seconds for Tsukishima to look up, but he smiled to Kuroo and tilted his head. "What was that? Sorry," he asked, giving Kuroo a bit of a sheepish look. He didn't look upset that he missed Kuroo's question, but Kuroo was upset that he hadn't heard him. Who was he texting that was so important?

"How was the train ride?" Kuroo asked as he took Tsukishima's hand and pulled him along to try to get him to keep walking. "That's what I asked," he said in a quieter mutter, keeping his eyes on the path to the street.

Again, it took another few moments for Tsukishima to respond to Kuroo, but he hummed. "It was alright. A little loud, because I came at an earlier time this time, but it was fine. I got a seat halfway through this time, so I could at least sit for the last half and my feet aren't as painful this time," Tsukishima said.

The messy-haired raven turned his head to look at Tsukki as they walked, and he narrowed his eyes to see that Tsukki was once again looking at his phone. This was getting a little irritating. "Oh, well that's good. I'm glad your feet don't hurt as much," Kuroo said as he whipped his head away and tried not to focus on Tsukishima texting with one hand. Kuroo squeezed his other hand and caused Tsukki to look up to Kuroo with a smile. "I figure we can just go back to my apartment for a bit. My dad wants to meet you," Kuroo said with a shrug.

Right as Kuroo had said that, Tsukishima stopped in his tracks, pulling Kuroo back a little. "Your dad wants to meet me? Kuroo, why didn't you say something before? I'm not ready to meet your dad," he said as he bit his lip, narrowing his own eyes at Kuroo and looking away from Kuroo's face. "I would have worn something different or I would have at least, I don't know... brought something?" Tsukishima said as he put his hand up in the air.

A dry laugh left Kuroo's mouth. "He doesn't expect you to bring anything and he won't care what you're wearing. He sees Bokuto in his boxers all the time, and Kenma comes over in his pajamas more often than not. So he won't care. He just wants to meet you, make sure you're... I don't know, good for me or something," Kuroo said.

Once again, Tsukishima looked down at his phone as it buzzed in his hand. This was starting to get a little irritating, but Kuroo couldn't let it get to him. "Hey, it's going to be fine. I promise that. You will show him that he has nothing to worry about, and he can go on being as happy of a man as he can be."

"Kuroo, I don't know if I can do this... I wasn't expecting to meet your-... hold on," Tsukishima said as he tapped away on his phone, turning his attention back to that.

With a bit of a scowl on his face, Kuroo rubbed as his face. Tsukishima had pulled his hand away to focus on his phone. This had snapped Kuroo, and he let out a scoff. "Who's texting you that's so important?" Kuroo asked as he put his hands on his hips.

The air around them stilled. Tsukishima looked up and opened his mouth, as if he didn't know what to say. "Oh, uh... it's... our new team manager, she needed help on one of her assignments. Sorry," Tsukishima said as he put his phone back in his pocket. Kuroo tilted his head back a little, looking over Tsukishima to see if there were any tells of a lie hidden in his expression. When the boy didn't see any, Kuroo hummed and nodded.

That was when Kuroo started to walk again. "It's fine. But you don't need to worry about meeting my dad. He'll go by Kuroo, you can call me Tetsurou today, unless you're uncomfortable with that," Kuroo said as he walked the stairs of the train station, getting to the sidewalk finally.

After a moment of contemplation, Tsukishima just sighed and he shook his head. "Fine. It seems like it's going to happen anyway, so we should just... make it happen I guess. Are we eating with him? Do we have plans with him?" Tsukishima asked and the boy tried to reach for Kuroo's hand again, which Kuroo accepted and intertwined his fingers with Tsukishima's.

"Oh, he actually has to go into work around noon, so he won't be there for very long. But he still wants to meet you. You know, since I've been spending all of my spare time with you. He just wants to make sure you're a respectable character. He trusts me, but it's just a dad's job, I guess." Kuroo actually thought it was a mother's job to worry about things like this, but he shot down that idea very quickly. That whole thought process was a dangerous thing to think about to begin with, and he didn't need to be sexist like that. Though, it was generally seen as a mother's job to inspect the boyfriends and the fathers would just be there to scare them off or congratulate them.

A sigh of pure relief left Tsukishima's lips. "Good," Tsukki said, which caused Kuroo to laugh for a moment.

As they walked, Tsukki kept pulling his phone out to text. Kuroo asked a few more times if it was still their team manager who needed homework help, and Tsukishima said that it was her each time. He wondered if they were still talking about homework now though, because Tsukishima seemed to be smiling at this phone a bit more as he sent messages.

Finally, the two boys got to Kuroo's apartment and they took off their shoes at the door, going to go walk around. "Dad? We're here," Tetsu said as he walked into the kitchen.

"Oh good, welcome back boys!" Mr. Kuroo had said and he smiled to the two boys, standing up and reaching out a hand to shake Tsukishima's hands. "It's nice to meet you, Tsukishima. I am Tetsurou's father, and I'm glad you could make it today. Unfortunately, I have to leave to go in for a work meeting soon. I wanted to take you out to lunch and have a real conversation, but that can happen another time," he said as he pulled his hand away.

Tsukishima nodded slowly, biting his lip. "Yeah, another time, definitely. I'm sorry it couldn't happen today, but I would like to get to know you, since I'm dating your son," Tsukishima said slowly, hiding the bit of a quiver in his voice right then. "But really, work is more important. I don't plan on leaving your son any time soon, so there will be plenty of other opportunities for a conversation," Tsukishima said.

With a nod, Mr. Kuroo smiled and Tetsurou went towards the fridge. "Did you go grocery shopping, or do you need me to?" Tetsurou asked.

"Oh, shit. I was supposed to do that last night. Would you mind? You know where the cash is, and you can pick up extra things for you and Tsukishima to share if you would like. Don't buy that same cheese, though. It didn't taste very good. Go with something... creamier? Ask at the counter if you're not sure," Mr. Kuroo said before he turned towards the door. "Unfortunately, they are actually holding the meeting for me right now, so I really do need to run. I'll see you later tonight, okay?" he said to his son before he turned back towards the door.

Blinking a bit, Tetsurou smiled to his father. "Sure, sure. Different cheese, and I'll pick up the things we need. Go kill it at the meeting," he said and he clapped his dad on the back before the man went to go put his shoes on and let himself out of the apartment.

Tsukishima let out a sigh of relief. "That really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Huh. I had nothing to worry about. Though, he had to leave pretty early, so that could be it," Tsukishima said with a shrug before he leaned against one of the kitchen counters. "Should we go grocery shopping before we have lunch? Or what's the plan?" Tsukishima asked.

The thing that had been annoying Kuroo before they walked into the apartment had come back out, and Kuroo stared at Tsukishima as he tapped away at his phone. "Is she really still struggling on her assignment? Jesus, she seems to be getting all of your attention," Kuroo said with a scoff as he walked out of the kitchen.

That was rather rude of Kuroo to make a comment of the sort, he knew it, but he couldn't bring himself to actually care at the moment. He knew it was rude, but Tsukishima was being rather rude at the moment too, if Kuroo were being completely honest. At least, that was how Kuroo had seen it. Kuroo didn't even bother giving Tsukishima a moment to reply, because he walked away to go get cash so the boys could go grocery shopping. He knew what it usually cost, and then he grabbed a little extra in case they wanted to grab something special for themselves.

When Kuroo came back out, Tsukishima was still texting. With a sigh, Kuroo crossed his arms and he licked his lips. "We should probably go grocery shopping soon," Kuroo murmured quietly.

Looking up, Tsukishima nodded. "We can. And I told her that I was going to be on a date, so I wouldn't be responding. Okay?" Tsukishima said, trying to fix what he had done earlier. "She's just a friend, so that's all."

It didn't feel like that was all, though. Even though Kuroo knew he should trust Tsukishima, he was rather skeptical of trusting others. The only few people in his life that he truly trusted were his friends, Bokuto and Kenma, his dad, his grandparents, and that was it. He wasn't sure if he was willing to add another person to that list just yet, though he had a feeling that he would have to start trusting people again eventually. His past had created quite the skeptical boy.

"Okay, good. We can go now," Kuroo said as he turned his eyes back towards the door and went to go get his shoes back on. Tsukishima came behind him and put his hands on Kuroo's hips gently. He stood up after fixing his shoe, still feeling Tsukishima's hands on him. "Yes, Tsukki?"

"I'm sorry. We're okay, right?" Tsukishima asked. The younger boy pressed a gentle kiss to Kuroo's neck, pulling back slowly. The apology seemed out of place for Tsukki, and Kuroo wasn't so sure he liked to hear those words out of Tsukishima's mouth. He didn't like the idea of Tsukishima having something that needed apologizing for. But he had apologized and the boy was looking for confirmation.

Sighing, Kuroo nodded. He wasn't sure if he was okay in his heart or not, and he wasn't too sure that if he had seen this behavior again, he wouldn't respond in a negative way, but he knew that he still cared about Tsukki, and Tsukki did apologize for his behavior. "Yeah, we're okay. Let's just go, okay? And this is a really exciting date, huh? Us going out grocery shopping together. I promise we will do something later. When do you have to leave?" Kuroo asked as he opened the door.

There was a pondering look that crossed Tsukishima's face. "Oh, I need to catch the six PM train. I have plans tonight," Tsukishima said and he was cursing once again when he ran into Kuroo, who had stopped in his track.

What plans did Tsukishima have? What wasn't he telling Kuroo? Why was he hiding things suddenly? This was beginning to get a bit concerning and Kuroo furrowed his brow. "Oh. Maybe we should get you on the 5:30 train then, just so you're sure you'll get home in time for your plans. Or you can just go now if you want," Kuroo said in a sour tone.

Walking a bit more, Kuroo didn't bother to look back at Tsukishima. He held onto the reusable shopping bags that he had grabbed before they walked out of the apartment rather tightly, and he started to walk towards main sidewalk. Tsukishima caught up with him, and he furrowed his brow. "No, I'm sure I don't need to get on the train until 6. That gives me an hour to get home and get ready for my plans. I don't need more time than that. I just don't want to take that 6:30 train in case the train gets held up or I get caught up on the walk home," Tsukishima said.

He would have an hour of free time. What was so important that the boy needed an extra hour to have just in case? "Okay then," Kuroo mumbled, continuing to walk.

After a bit of silence between the two boys on their walk, Tsukishima opened his mouth to speak. "I mean... I guess I can take the 6:30 train, if you want me to stick around for just that little bit longer. My plans can wait," Tsukishima said.

Kuroo was still wondering just what Tsukishima had to hide. It wasn't like him to keep secrets like this. "No, it's fine. Leave and have your extra hour to get ready for whatever it is," Kuroo said as he turned down one of the streets, walking for a bit longer.

It seemed as though Tsukishima had some catching up to do, and Kuroo wasn't going to slow down. He had been walking at a quick pace. Even though Tsukishima was a little taller than him, Kuroo was still walking quickly. So Tsukishima jogged to catch up with the boy that was walking a bit too quickly at the moment. "Kuroo, Yamaguchi and I are working on one of our end of year projects for school. We are partners, and I know it's not even close to the end of the year, but Yams likes to get a head start and wants to plan out a schedule, potentially start on the first little bit."

Where were the excuses going to stop? Why didn't Tsukishima just tell Kuroo he didn't want to see him anymore? What was the point of playing these games? "Why did you bother coming then? You can just go work on the project with Yamaguchi and you didn't have to plan to work on it so late," Kuroo said in a sour voice.

That was when Tsukishima narrowed his eyes and stared at Kuroo. "He had plans this morning and afternoon, and he couldn't do it until tonight. I wanted to come to see you too, but maybe you didn't think of that... Kuroo, are you okay?"

Finally, the boys had reached the grocery store, but Kuroo stood outside of it, along the side of the building. "I'm fine, I just need to know if you are in this, or if you're going to leave..." Kuroo mumbled before he walked towards the front door of the grocery store.

Honestly, it seemed like that comment would have been enough to make Tsukishima leave for good and delete his number. Kuroo didn't see him for the first few minutes of his grocery shopping adventures. But then, Kuroo turned to put something in the cart, and Tsukishima was right there, holding onto the cart. "I'm not going to leave. You have me until 6, okay? I might even be able to tell Yamaguchi we're not going to work on the project until tomorrow. He would be okay with that, or he would understand. You have me for the afternoon, okay? However long you want me for."

Kuroo wasn't exactly talking about the current time when he made his statement. He had meant that he needed to know if Tsukki was going to stick around in their relationship, or if he was going to break Kuroo's heart and break up with him. But Kuroo didn't think he could bring himself to bring that bit up right at that moment. "Okay," Kuroo said with a sigh.

The two boys went and did their grocery shopping, and they finished up with smiles on their faces. Kuroo had seemed to relax, because Tsukishima had put his phone away and he started to really pay attention to what was going on. They joked as they continued shopping and just had fun and mindless conversations. They bought some junk food to have, and the two boys went home and spent the rest of the afternoon playing super smash bros and watching cheesy romantic comedies. It was a good afternoon, but Kuroo knew that he would have to let Tsukishima go home at 6, so he got the best out of the time that they had.

As they walked to the station, Kuroo was about to wave Tsukishima goodbye when Tsukishima pressed really close to Kuroo and he narrowed his eyes at him. "I didn't get one of these today," Tsukishima said, and he leaned his face in really close.

Their lips connected and Tsukishima seemed to suck Kuroo in, pulling the breath out of his mouth and lungs. They let their lips part open and they only teased each other with the tips of their tongues before they pulled away and smiled at one another. Kuroo had kissed Tsukishima a lot since their first kiss, but he didn't realize he hadn't kissed Tsukki until then.

Kuroo wasn't sure what he was so worried about if he were being honest. This was Tsukishima he was talking about. He didn't need to worry about some other life that Tsukishima had. The boy told him everything usually, and things were just a little bit complicated with the distance they shared between them, but they would make it work.

"I'll see you next week at my house," Tsukishima said and he hummed as he pulled away from Kuroo, going back to the train and waving before he went to hopefully go find a seat.

There was a moment where Kuroo thought everything was going to be okay. There was a moment where Kuroo had a feeling that he was just overreacting, and he had nothing to worry about. But those moments were short lived and Kuroo's mind went right back to accusing Tsukishima of hiding things and cheating on him.

When he finally got back to his apartment, his father was finally back home from work and the man was cooking dinner. "Oh! Good, you're home. Do you want me to fix you something? Also, how was your day with Tsukishima? He seems like a nice kid."

Finally inside and with his shoes off, Kuroo shrugged as he walked towards the kitchen. "It was okay. Did you see the cheese I got you? Oh, and I let Tsukishima take home most of the snacks we bought for us, I hope that's okay."

As he leaned against the counter, he looked to see what his dad was doing, and he was just frying up some vegetables. "Yeah that's fine, and I've had that cheese before, so we're good there. But do you want some? I'll just have to add more rice and cook up more fish," his dad said.

Slowly, Kuroo nodded. He was hungry, honestly. "Sure, thank you. How was work?" Kuroo asked his dad as he watched his dad try to finish up. It was going to be a bit longer, but it would be worth it. His dad was a decent cook, and Kuroo had learned from him.

As the two stood in the kitchen, Kuroo took it upon himself to add more rice to the pan and more water, because he would definitely want more. He then went to go grab some plates to get ready to serve the meal. As it finished up, Kuroo let his dad serve it up, and it smelled amazing. "Thanks, dad," Kuroo said before he went to go sit at the kitchen table with his plate of food.

It was times like this that Kuroo was thankful that he had a normal, loving dad to be there for him. He knew he at least had someone to talk to at all times, he knew he had an older individual to watch out for him and to keep him on the straight and narrow path. It was a reassuring feeling to have, if he were being honest. It was nice to know that there was someone in his life that had him, would keep him grounded and bring him back to reality when he started to slip.

Though, he wasn't sure that he wanted to bring up Tsukishima hiding things from him. He knew he would probably get a rational response from his dad, and it would just make him feel worse about himself for believing such irrational things about Tsukishima. So he didn't want to bring it up. "Tell me more about your day. I want to hear everything," his dad said as he sat down, across the table from Tetsurou.

That was when Kuroo shrugged. He wasn't sure he really wanted to talk. He wasn't sure that he could manage to talk about his boyfriend without thinking about how Tsukki had been rather sneaky today, or distracted. It wasn't like Tsukki, so Kuroo thought it to be strange. "It was good. We obviously went grocery shopping and then we just... spent the rest of the day here. It was relaxing," Kuroo said before he took a bite of his vegetables.

His father dropped the subject before he continued to eat and he then brought up something about work, which Kuroo was more than happy to start talking about. He needed a distraction from Tsukishima at the moment. So if his dad wanted to talk about work, that was what they would talk about.

When they finished dinner, Kuroo went to go do the dishes without being asked before he disappeared into his room. He was still thinking about Tsukishima and he knew he needed to talk to someone about it. But he knew that Kenma would try to be rational about this too, so he needed to talk to Bokuto. As he sat down at his desk and flipped on his laptop, he scrolled through the mobile app for his video calls to see if Bokuto was on. When he noticed that he was, Kuroo waited patiently for his laptop to load up before he started to call Bokuto.

The screen lit up with Bokuto's back and he was flexing. Kuroo rose an eyebrow and he tilted his head a bit. "Bro, what are you doing?"

"Akaashi said he likes a bit of muscle. Do I have too much?" Bokuto asked over his shoulder as he continued to flex.

Shaking his head, Kuroo sighed and wondered why he was friends with this boy sometimes. "No, Bokuto, you have the perfect amount. Akaashi likes you, he just doesn't have the nerve to admit it. But neither do you, so it will be fate when the two of you finally admit your feelings. So, stop worrying," Kuroo said and he leaned back in his chair.

Finally, Bokuto stopped flexing and came back to his desk, putting a shirt back on in the process. "What's going on, bro?" Bokuto asked. It was nice that he hadn't asked Kuroo why he had called, because they just had a friendship where they accepted each other like this. They didn't need to know why they called, they just liked being in each other's company. Kuroo was glad he was a friend to this one.

With a heavy sigh, Kuroo shrugged. "I don't know, bro. It's Tsukki. I think... I'm losing him. I don't know why that would surprise me, but I don't know how to hold onto him anymore. He's becoming an enigma. I can't figure him out."

It seemed that the word 'enigma' confused Bokuto, and Kuroo put his hand up to stop Bokuto from speaking before he even asked. "He's becoming an impossible puzzle to solve, Bokuto. It's kind of stressful."

The confused look was still on Bokuto's face, but it had changed a bit. "Why? What is so confusing about him? Is he into something we don't like?" Bokuto asked and he moved closer to his camera.

Another sigh escaped Kuroo's lips. It seemed like he would go hoarse after all of the sighing he had done today. "He's just... I don't know. He says he wants to stick around. He says he's not going to leave me. But he is still hiding things from me and he doesn't tell me everything. And today, he spent the first while just texting his volleyball manager because he was helping her with her homework! How rude!" Kuroo threw his arms up in the air, still very frustrated by all of this.

"Wow, yeah! Very rude! What is he hiding from you? Do you know?" Bokuto asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not sure of everything, but like... he hid that he had to leave by six today, so we didn't get as much time as we normally would have, and he was laughing at his phone earlier while we were supposed to be spending time together. And that was meant to be him helping with his friend's homework. What was so funny about it? And why couldn't he just tell her that he was busy?"

A groan left Bokuto's lips and he threw his arms into the air. "So he said he wants to stay and doesn't want to leave you, but then does this to you? How confusing can he really be? This boy needs to be taught some manners," Bokuto said.

That was when Kuroo nodded and mumbled something under his breath. Bokuto stared at him seriously and narrowed his eyes. "You need to tell him that he can't do this to you. You need to show him that you aren't going to wait around for him to focus on you, and you will walk if he keeps it up."

When Bokuto said that, Kuroo's face changed expressions. It went from anger to worry. "No, no, Bokuto... I don't want to break up with him. I just... I want him to focus on me and treat me as an important part of his life, as much as he is in mine. He doesn't show me the same respect that I show him when we are together," Kuroo sighed. "I mean, I text you when Tsukki gets here and I tell you that I have to go, or I tell you when I have to leave to get off the train when I'm going to see him. Why can't he give me the same respect?"

"I don't know, bro. You need to ask hi-"

Bokuto's signal flashed and continued to blink at Kuroo for a bit. There were no sounds coming from Bokuto anymore and the loading symbol came up. Finally, the two boys were disconnected. Kuroo groaned and he started to text Bokuto, telling him that he would ask Tsukki about it soon.

He was going to video call with Kenma next, but it seemed like the whole system was down for some reason. So Kuroo decided to just start texting Tsukki instead, wondering what the boy was up to.

It was even more concerning when Kuroo didn't get a response back from Tsukishima. He didn't even tell Kuroo that he had gotten home for the night. It frustrated him, so he decided to just ignore his phone for the rest of the night and work on homework before going to bed.

The following day and the next week or two seemed to follow the same pattern. Kuroo would start to text Tsukishima, and Tsukishima wouldn't respond for hours or at all, and he would use the excuse 'I didn't see your text, I'm sorry' or 'I didn't get a notification. It's weird.' There were times when Kuroo would start texting Tsukishima, and they were talking normally, but Tsukishima just disappeared randomly, and Kuroo would send him question marks to try to get him to respond.

There was a span of three days when Tsukishima hadn't spoken to him at all, and Kuroo nearly lost his mind. After those three days, Kuroo started to message Yamaguchi to see what was going on.

**Kuroo (21:04)**

_Yama, where is Tsukki? He's not responding to me._

Kuroo waited patiently for an answer while he packing up the gym for the night. They had been at a late practice. Luckily, Yamaguchi had messaged him back while he was walking home.

**Yams (21:17)**

_I just messaged him about not talking to you. He doesn't want you to know that he is sick. I don't care if he kills me, but he is sick and hasn't been responding to anyone. He missed school for the last two days._

That did seem to be rather likely, and Kuroo trusted Yamaguchi to tell him the truth. The boy could be just as salty as Tsukki at times, and he could be snarky, but his heart was good. Kuroo had no reason not to trust Yamaguchi. He quickly sent Yamaguchi a bit of a thank you and he went back into his apartment.

His father was waiting, like he normally did. He greeted Kuroo before he went to bed himself, and Kuroo went to go sit on the couch.

As Kuroo stared at his phone, he waited for a message from his boyfriend. He waited and waited and waited, but there was nothing. Kuroo wondered if Yamaguchi had really talked to Tsukki about not messaging him. But there was nothing at all.

Not a single notification.

Hours had gone by. Kuroo needed to go to bed, because he had a test in the morning, and he also had a volleyball game. Why wasn't Tsukishima texting him? How aggravating could this possibly get?

**Kuroo (01:55)**

_Why aren't you talking to me? I know you're sick. You could have told me and I would have come take care of you. I don't care how much trouble I would have gotten in with my coaches. If you're sick, I have to be there to take care of you. That's that._

It was getting later and later. Finally, the boy admitted defeat, and Kuroo went to bed.

Before he went to sleep for the night, Kuroo shook some thoughts from his head of Tsukishima possibly cheating on him and he sent one more text before putting it away for the night.

**Kuroo (02:32)**

_We need to talk. I'm coming to visit this weekend anyway. But It's serious._

That was when Kuroo put his phone down and he turned over for the night, since he had to be awake in less than four hours. It was going to be painful.

Unfortunately, Tsukishima hadn't messaged Kuroo the following morning either. It was rather frustrating and he needed to go on a run to curb his emotions a bit or something to calm him down.

But he didn't have the time to go for a run. Luckily enough though, Kuroo had gotten a text from Yamaguchi as walked himself to school. It was really kind of frustrating that Yamaguchi had to text for Tsukki, but what was he going to do? As he looked through his phone, he stopped walking and blinked at his phone.

**Yams (07:20)**

_This is Tsukishima. For some reason, my phone won't send messages. I have gotten all of your messages, but I can't send any. We can video call on Yamaguchi's phone during lunch or when I get home from practice. I'm sorry._

Was this for real? Tsukki was trying to pull that he couldn't send message? What did Tsukishima take him for? Did he think Kuroo was that naive?

"Kuroo, I was already going to be late, so why are you stopping? Come on," Kenma said as he passed him. Kuroo hadn't started his walk with Kenma, so the boy must have caught up to him. Usually they walked together, but Kuroo was running late already, so he thought Kenma had already left. "Come on, or your teacher is going to kill you for being late for the exam."

The thought of his teacher getting mad at him sent a chill down his spine and he started to walk with Kenma, trying to text as well as he could back to Tsukishima. He wasn't sure that he bought this story, but he would let it go for now so they could both go to class. Kuroo gave up on sending a text back to Tsukki and he just sighed as he walked with Kenma, because he was having too many typos. "Tsukishima is getting irritating. He says he doesn't want to break up with me, but he doesn't seem to want to spend time with me. And then he's trying to say that his phone can't send text messages and I'm texting him through Yamaguchi right now."

There was a sound of discomfort in Kenma's voice right then. "So? It can happen. I've had a phone that refused to connect to Wi-Fi no matter what I did. I even tried restarting it and had to get a new one. His phone is probably just defective. And didn't he just come over this weekend? He obviously does want to spend time with you if he came over."

This was the rational Kenma that Kuroo didn't want to hear from right then. "But he spent half of the time on his phone and he had to leave early, but didn't tell me about it before he got here. So that's something else. He's hiding things from me."

With a snort, Kenma shook his head. "That's pretty lame of you, don't you think? He just had to leave early. What, did he have plans with someone else? And he didn't tell you until he got here? You're getting clingy, Kuroo. It's not attractive on you, so you should really cut it out before he breaks up with you," Kenma said with a bit of a laugh.

What was funny about this? Kuroo had no idea what was funny about this. "I still would have liked to know! What if I had plans for him?" Kuroo asked in defense.

"They would have been plans that you hadn't told him about, which would have been hypocritical of you. He didn't tell you that he had plans, and you wouldn't have had told him about these plans that you hypothetically could have had. You two need to communicate a little better. He probably assumed that he was fine to go home early, since you didn't mention anything about what you two were doing. Jeez, I'm not even in this relationship and I'm tired of fixing it." Kenma shook his head and he adjusted his backpack as they continued their walk.

That kind of hit Kuroo hard in a mental fashion. He thought about what Kenma had said and he sighed. They did need to communicate a little better, he figured. If only Kuroo had told Tsukishima that he wanted to go out, Tsukishima probably would have changed his plans with Yamaguchi. If Kuroo had asked Tsukki to focus on him, maybe the boy would have put his phone away. Instead, Kuroo had decided to make passive aggressive comments for Tsukishima to figure out on his own. That one was his own fault and he knew it.

Eventually, the two boys reached the school and Kuroo stopped in the hall to look at Kenma. "Yeah, I guess you're right. We should communicate a little better. I'm still frustrated that he spent half of the day texting though," Kuroo said.

Kenma gave Kuroo a look of disapproval. "So tell him about it. Talk to him about things that bother you, and maybe he will want to fix them. You will never know until you bring this up with him, Kuroo. No one can be a mind reader, as cool as that would be," Kenma said as he started to back down one of the halls. "Just go and talk to him. I'm sure he will understand your feelings. I have to go, class has already started," Kenma said as he turned around and went towards his class.

With another sigh, Kuroo walked towards his own classroom. He stopped short of the door and decided to finally text Tsukishima back.

**Kuroo (07:32)**

_I thought you weren't talking to me, but the phone thing makes sense. We can video call tonight. Practice will be short for me. Have a good day, Tsukki. You too, Yams._

The last part to Yamaguchi was only thrown in for good measure, in case he saw the message.

Knowing very well that this was only just the start of his worries, Kuroo let out a sigh as he put his phone away. He was probably going to lose Tsukki at some point, he just hoped that it would be later rather than sooner.

But right now, he felt that he was on the brink of losing Tsukki, and his negative thoughts started to come back around to haunt him. He wasn't sure what to do about any of this, but he would have to figure something out.


End file.
